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That is very interesting, and they way you describe these hoading issues is fascinatng.
re:collections. For some reason I am lucky and
I usually know when a collection is done. In all past times these collections have been ones that I spend a few years to gather. Perhaps I tire of the activity, perhaps I really am "done" but I do stop at some point.
In the back of my brain I have the word "representative" rather than "comprehensive." I collect a representatice sample of what I like, not a comprehensive group. With my collection of Victorian flow blue Chna, my goal was to collect pretty patterns I like, and not try to collect an entire set of one pattern. Then later
I refined the goal to collecting abstract patterns of late Victorian period.I found that I am not attracted to the Chinoise and floral patterns as much as the abstract ones, unless the floral are very "modern" (i.e. 1890's and later.)
With my book collection I focused on illustrated children's books with a fantasy theme. But the artist's work really had to,speak to me. So, this was a representative collection. But i had an obsession with fairies which were a very popular subject for children's books during the golden age of illustration, 1880-1920, so I was a bit "comprehensive" on that topic to the extent that I could afford it.
but one day I was done. There is one elusive fairy book I would still like to,have, but I dont know the name of it, something like Fairy annual. i saw it in a bookstore on Champaign IL. I still think about that book. :)
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RoseQuartz, the mental processes you describe are very much a part of hoarding. I found myself nodding. Short circuiting or overcoming those thoughts is really hard.
the "trigger" thing, I don't know. It seems like I have always been this way. I can't think of anything that would really qualify as a "trigger" - birth trauma? - lol!
when I am collecting something, the theme is pretty much always "stuff I like."
ultralite angler, I would totally submit to a study of how I spend my time in relation to stuff as long as the researcher promises to share the results but not any opinions.
as far as "hoarder by proxy" I think it is a term that works for you as a description of a situation. From this side of the experience, I guess I would just say, would you call someone who drinks a lot socially an "alcoholic by proxy" if they did it because they were married to an alcoholic and so were put in a lot of social situations where a lot of drinking was normative? I'd say "A is an alcoholic, but B is a heavy drinker" there are a lot of other issues involved.
Tragic story with a fairly common main character/plot. When hoarders say things like "This stuff if priceless" or "This will be worth a lot of money someday!" I just want to cry. It is so sad and delusional. My grandma says it. My mom says it.
I tried collecting things as a kid, baseball cards (I did not like baseball) and comic books (I did not like them that much, the plots were boresville), and other things here or there as people encouraged me. But I got bored with it. Though I used to have a major hobby hoarding problem, but I figured out a couple ways to kick that habit!
I understand why people attach to stuff rather than people, or even the more tragic and rage-inducing scenario -- when people attach to animals more than people and then they hoard animals. But while I understand it, I just don't feel it. While people frustrate me and I do like most dogs more than I like most people, I still just can't connect with stuff the why hoarders do. Nor would I want to if I could. haha
Perhaps if you had a genetic disposition to hoarding then you'd have had your trigger moment and started hoarding like a champ! But luckily you don't appear to be a hoarder. Maybe you have a symptom or two, as many people do. But it seems to take more of a constellation of symptoms to get the hoarding ball a-rolling.
I grew up poor too, but if I say that around my mom she will have one of her endless fits where she fixates on it and won't stop until I tell her what she wants to hear, and then she still won't stop most of the time. haha
I just always valued free time more than stuff.
Reading much of this stuff makes me glad I am a minimalist. But my heart goes out to the hoarders trying to overcome and even more so to the children of hoarders. Hoarding just so often destroys relationships.
It is hard to say for sure if you did or did not have a trigger. The research just shows that an overwhelming number of hoarders appear to have a trigger moment. Though I often point out that minimalists have a trigger moment too, or perhaps a series of them and that cascade ends up with them simplifying.
This I can't quite understand. "Stuff I like." Tell me more.
What a study that would be!
Heck of a good question in there. I will mull that over.
Chicken Lady:
Can I ask a really, really tough question?
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When I was going thru the stuff in our garage, I realized that dh and I do have some hoarding tendencies around specific items. For me it's textiles. Linens and fabrics for the sewing projects that I continue to believe I will complete some day (soon). This morning it hit me that maybe part of the issue is that my mother was an amazing self-taught artist. She could create some pretty amazing things across several mediums, whichever were available to her, and sewing was one of them. Unfortunately, she was not a generous or loving woman and she never shared her talents or skills with her kids. In fact, I tried my hand at sewing when I was in high school and I remember her laughing and ridiculing my one and only attempt.
Now I have this notion that I should be able to create things I want but part of me still has that emotional fear of... something...(failing? being humiliated? realizing I suck? fear of the pain of being inadequate?)
I want to try, but I'm afraid to try. So I keep several plastic bins full of fabrics that I imagine will become great looking projects some day. I don't know if it would be healthier for me to just chuck everything and realize that I can buy anything I need pretty cheaply at Ross, and be done with it. Or if I should face the fear and stumble my way through learning the ways of sewing.
Now dh has a thing for all things related to building things which I guess is common enough but he also has this thing about wanting to save every last container. Jars, tins, boxes, bottles and bags are stuffed into his designated garage wall. I respect his things and I won't touch them, but all that stuff does give me the tight claustrophobic feeling when I look at it. I think for him it's a throwback to growing up in deprivation and need - the idea of throwing out these things is emotionally hard for him.