Discipline. (Growing up and as a parent).

I think I was only spanked a couple of times and I'm 48 so that was when spanking was more common. My mom yelled a lot but there were five of us so maybe it wasn't all that much in comparison to the number of kids. And I don't remember any of this being traumatic. Somehow around my dad we just behaved. I don't know why. Although I loved my dad. I was always kinda shy around him.

I think we are strict but fair. We're consistant about what we discipline for, but the actual consequence depends on the situation, age and kid. Most of it is pretty logical and I try to recognize external factors that could be affecting behaviour without excusing the behaviour. I expect a pretty high level of good behaviour.

Here's an example. The kids have had a tough couple of weeks with me on bedrest and being in and out of the hospital. They've had a lot of different people in the house helping take care of them and they are out of their routine. They haven't gotten out of the house as much as usual and people have been letting them do things they don't do on a regular basis, like watch TV and skip their chores. Now my mom is here and things are getting on a more consistant footing, but we've had a few conflicts to iron out.

Yesterday Zach was planning to take the kids to an indoor climbing place when Bella got out of school. We hadn't told them this because things are minute-to-minute here and we didn't want them to be bummed if I had to go to the hospital again. In the morning Cheyenne had an attitude about not being allowed to watch TV (which is not normally allowed on weekdays) and started crying about how it wasn't fair and we were so mean. I sat her down. I told her calmly and matter-of-factly that she needed to take a deep breath and stop crying. We don't cry over not getting what we want and she knows better than that. TV is gone for the next seven days, no arguing. It's a priviledge, not a right and if it causes a problem it's going to be gone completely.

I explained that Daddy had something planned for the evening, but that I couldn't reward her current behaviour by letting him take her, so I needed her to turn things around and show me better behaviour. I told her that I wanted her to be able to go and I thought it would help with the restlessness and boredom she's had lately, but at this point it needed to be earned. I outlined what it was she could do to redeem herself and show me that she was serious about turning this around. In this case I assigned her to her grandma to help with chores. She had to cheerfully do whatever Grandma asked her to do until Grandma said she was done.

Grandma had her help clean the kitchen, living room and downstairs bathroom. Cheyenne's attitude changed completely. She was enthusiastic about showing us how good she could be and she was proud of herself for accomplishing something when she was done. She got to go to the indoor climbing place and as expected it has helped. The kids got nice and worn out, got a good night sleep and have been in much better, more cooperative moods today.

Hi Margene and Stella. You're right Margene, it really was the way back then. I'm glad times have changed. (The only thing traumatic (kid traumatic) in my life related to discipline/spanking, was when mom marched us into the bathroom "two", "three", and sometimes even "four" at a time to be punished. Being last in line was the worst. Having to stand and endure waiting and watching everyone ahead of you getting a whoopin knowing yours was a comin! Funny part is, mom says she wouldn't spank again if she were raising a family today.

Stella. Great story. Great results. :) I often reflect on how smart kids actually are and, how many parents fail to recognize the fact. Options, consequences, and even simple calm reasoning/explaining IMV (in my view) wins over old-fashioned discipline tenfold. One thing that really helped me so much, was having older children when the younger ones came along. As minute (minuscule) as one may think, older children have a real influence on the younger ones in a family. With my two youngest, they love to mimic the grownup mannerisms and behaviour of my oldest son, and combined with the input and direction my two daughters dovetail in, it's a win- win situation for not only me (the parent), but for the kids too. By far (for their age), my two youngest are miles ahead of what any of my other four kids were ever at during that age/stage.

By the way Stella, you were one of the original members (old forum) who helped me move past my old-fashioned discipline style and over to a more modern effective way. You, Kathy WI, Kathymuggle (remember her)?, and so many others I have now forgotten, but what I've never forgotten is the care and input and direction you all so lovingly put forth to help me recognize better ways. :)