Feeling Left Out

I am impressed with the adult-ness of this conversation. That's all I want to say. Good job, people, for saying what you think, for clarifying where needed, and for offering support (as well as definitions) for the sharing that goes on here. This thread could have gone up in flames but people have done a really nice job with it.

And yes, it feels LOUSY to be left out even of something you don't want to do! That's one of our human paradoxes...probably because in our ancient histories, being a loner was a lot less safe than being with the group, especially eating.

I am very appreciative of the participants in this forum, at least in the way that this thread has moved.

i really liked "lunch with a heron."

one of my favorite things ever -- since i was little -- was having animal companionship of some kind during my "free" time. I'm very much a loner, but plants and animals are good friends.

I think I may have contributed to a similar problem of ny own. My dd has in-laws that she likes very much, and they often visit. Originally, they invited me to come along, but there would be a crowd (this is a family of 8 now), plus our 5. I also didn't want them to feel obligated to include me in everything. Now, no one even bothers to invite me along, though I'm sure I would be welcome if I said I wanted to go along. But often, it is a relief to get to spend some time alone, as that doesn't happen often in this house. So, their friend, who also lives here goes along,while I, the relative, stay behind. Life is just a bit crazy, sometimes, but I think we are mostly getting what we want

[QUOTE= Life is just a bit crazy, sometimes, but I think we are mostly getting what we want[/QUOTE]

I think you're right, domestic goddess. Due to the frugal ways of most of us here, eating our own food that we've brought from home, either because it's healthier or cheaper, we wouldn't want to be invited out for lunch/dinner/whatever. But still, it's nice to be asked. (Unless they say "You don't [I]really[I] want to come out with us, do you??) And do we really enjoy the typical conversations of most people, usually about shopping/spending money? They don't want to hear about saving, reusing and all that stuff. They're happy in their ignorance and misery.

Zoebird, I'm like you. Much happier in nature or with animals. Even when I'm done riding/fussing over my horse, I spend a lot of time just hanging out, watching them eat, or chatting with the barn cat (he's very talkative) who loves attention. Sometimes sitting alone, not having to make conversation or be entertaining, is a great way to spend time.

I've learned that if I'm asked to go somewhere/do something, if I have to take time to decide, then I really don't want to go/do it. That hint of doubt that stops me from immediately saying "Yes!" is there for a reason. It also seems that my idea of a nice time is boring to most people.

I have to say this happened to me in a work setting. Three of us working in one quiet corner of a busy medical clinic. One of the other assistants was in her 20s, one in her 50s and I was the odd woman out. They left me out of everything, kept switching seat (twice) until they sat next to each other and even sometimes whispered so I couldnt hear. I was in my 50s, and thought they were ridiculous but it was still extremely hard to work with them eight hours a day.

I finally asked the supervisor for a transfer to another doctor. She couldn't do it right away, but soon I had a new and happy place to work. I was, and am, embarassed at how much my feelings were hurt, but still.........our feelings are our feelings.

I feel this way sometimes especially with my inlaws. We all live in Chicago - but they have lived here a lot longer and my husband is just a nephew - as opposed to a brother or a son. But sometimes I see pictures of the whole fam out together for dinner on facebook (they make no secret of it obviously)- and I just think gee would have been nice to have an invite. But I just try and tell myself that they are much closer and that it's okay to be a little hurt, too. I would never say anything about it though to them. I don't want a pity invite.

Thank you all for your support and comments. We went back to work today and I laid pretty low. I am coming back with the attitude that these are co-workers, not life-long friends, who I can be polite to and with whom I do not need to over-share/invest a lot of myself. My goal is to do the best job I can, make money and go home to do what I really want to do! Again, thanks!

I'm loving this thread :)

I think the reason ostracism reminds us of junior high, is that kids at that age are conservative, compulsively correcting, and simply horrible about other kids who are even just a little bit different. Not all kids do this, but there's something about that age group. I was rejected, shunned, ostracized, and outright persecuted and tormented for years, because - well, to this day I'm not sure why. But anything that happens nowadays that reminds me even a little of those times, still makes me feel sick, though I've overcome a lot of my issues.

Once I worked in the word processing department (do they have those anymore?) of an office where the manager wanted me and another woman to go to a language skills seminar. (I have no idea why - I was an English major, didn't need refreshing on subject-verb agreement, but our manager always had his head up his @$$ and was constantly doing things to make himself feel like a boss).

So this woman simply hated me. Never knew why, and she was a freak, so I never cared. But I was struck by her need to reject me in an obvious way at every opportunity. And she took it this time. So the two of us went downtown together to the seminar, at this gigantic hotel with about a hundred other strangers. At lunch, she just took off - took some pleasure, in fact, in telling me she'd made plans to have lunch with somebody else that day!

So I sat there studying my stupid workbook, and this is a different subject now, but it was so frickin' hilarious! All the test sentences in the booklet were so sexist, it was crazy! "Sally typed the memos. Jan got the coffee. Mr. Brockman brought in some new clients." LOL!

God I hate work :)

I think that fear of being shunned was what made me leave hospital nursing and go to a small office where there was just the two of us. I hated those junior high games. I earned a lot less money, but I doubt I could have continued working if I had stayed in the hospital.

In the last 5 years or so I have had a very healing group of people I have been priviledged to run around with, they are mostly rertired and very including. Many many times someone has said to me, Oh you might be interested in....that I and ... are doing. If I say not at this time, they seem to always say, feel free to say you want to come at a later date. It has healed my soul of a life time of hurts.

Kitten and Aqua Blue, such great stories.