The Daily Peeve / Rant

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Originally Posted by frugal-one

You make me VERY thankful to have my DH in more ways than one.

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LOL, well in this case it hasn't been a problem for the past 24 or so years. Rather than get caught up in the Democratic Socialist way of dealing with things like this which would include assigning oppressor/victim status to each party and using all media available to complain and sow dissent, we went the Libertarian Capitalist route when we built this house and gifted ourselves with separate bathrooms. No drama, no fuss and everyone involved remains wrapped in an envelope of love, acceptance and positive esteem.

:cool:

We have 2 �� but we each use both. I taught my boys as kids not to do that. Living with 4 men I trained them all.

What about the recent advice that toilet lids should be closed before flushing to keep bacteria from dispersing around the room? Between that and the knowledge that rats can pop out of the toilet*, I think the closed seat/lid approach is the way to go, backed up by science!
And while we are at it, where do you all stand on those hand dryer/blower thingies that apparently spread poop bacteria all over your hands? At the risk of sounding OCD, I now keep a couple of paper towels tucked in my handbag and in my jacket pockets.

* I saw this on a documentary, and it definitely fell into the category of things I wished I could unsee.

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Originally Posted by rosarugosa

What about the recent advice that toilet lids should be closed before flushing to keep bacteria from dispersing around the room? Between that and the knowledge that rats can pop out of the toilet*, I think the closed seat/lid approach is the way to go, backed up by science!And while we are at it, where do you all stand on those hand dryer/blower thingies that apparently spread poop bacteria all over your hands? At the risk of sounding OCD, I now keep a couple of paper towels tucked in my handbag and in my jacket pockets.* I saw this on a documentary, and it definitely fell into the category of things I wished I could unsee.

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It is real. Happened to our friend.He had DH cop off the toilet in his basement sue to this horrifying event.

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Originally Posted by frugalone

I'm not handicapped, but I do use the handicapped restroom at work, which also doubles as an all-gender restroom. My peeve is: guys who leave the seat up. I feel like putting up a sign above the toilet that says: Picture this--you're in a wheelchair, and you can barely get the door to this room open because the administration is too lazy to put an automatic door on it. You wheel yourself over to the toilet, and before you can sit on it, you have to touch the dirty seat that some inconsiderate person left up for you.

On another level, I think it's insulting to anyone to leave a seat up.

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I am sorry your blind.
However, you have to think since your dealing with a public restroom, your dealing with the general public. The toilet handle is filthy, so is the faucet handles and the door handles, as some don't wash their hands (no matter what we choose to believe).

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

It is real. Happened to our friend.He had DH cop off the toilet in his basement sue to this horrifying event.

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What exactly happened?

I consider myself clean enough, but I'm definitely not a germaphobe. I don't open public bathroom doors with paper towels, and I don't believe in anti-bacterial this and that unless I'm in a hospital. I do believe in the hygiene hypothesis that we are too clean for the most part and our immune systems have suffered.

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Originally Posted by catherine

What exactly happened?

I consider myself clean enough, but I'm definitely not a germaphobe. I don't open public bathroom doors with paper towels, and I don't believe in anti-bacterial this and that unless I'm in a hospital. I do believe in the hygiene hypothesis that we are too clean for the most part and our immune systems have suffered.

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We cannot say exactly what happened because it was rats doing rat things in the darkness of the basement. But there is evidence that a Rat came up through the toilet in his basement —twice.

We do have rats in our neighborhood. I believe I saw one in my friend’s House two years ago when she had a mice infestation. yeah she had mice, but this thing was a rat.

When the Victorian warehouse down the street caught on fire, rats came running out of it.

Before that it was decades ago but I saw a rat sunning himself on our patio in the middle of summer. DH says I didn’t see that but I know what I saw. Perhaps it was a Sick rat.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

We cannot say exactly what happened because it was rats doing rat things in the darkness of the basement. But there is evidence that a Rat came up through the toilet in his basement —twice.

We do have rats in our neighborhood. I believe I saw one in my friend’s House two years ago when she had a mice infestation. yeah she had mice, but this thing was a rat.

When the Victorian warehouse down the street caught on fire, rats came running out of it.

Before that it was decades ago but I saw a rat sunning himself on our patio in the middle of summer. DH says I didn’t see that but I know what I saw. Perhaps it was a Sick rat.

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Eewww.. When my DD lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, she and her roommates had a tiny back yard so they thought chickens would be a good idea. Not. I, too, saw rats in and around their yard. They got rid of the chickens. I guess some people in urban areas keep chickens, but I do believe vermin is a risk.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

We cannot say exactly what happened because it was rats doing rat things in the darkness of the basement.

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Nearly 40 years ago a co-worker and I were searching a burned out office building which had been sitting empty for some time. It was dark in the basement and the only light source was an emergency light hooked up outside an old freight elevator. As we walked through the darkness making our way back to the light, a rat ran across our feet and then began to scream just a few feet away from us. We both ran for the elevator so that we could see. There was a step ladder leaning against the wall inside the elevator and my co-worker was one step ahead of me so he beat me to the ladder and jumped up on the bottom rung (it turns out we both had the immediate fear that the rat would run up our pants leg) while I stood in the middle of the lighted area hopping up and down one foot after another while looking all around me trying to see where the screaming rat could be yelling at co-worker to move up another rung so that I could get on the ladder too.

It turns out that exterminators had recently serviced the building and the rat perp had ran onto and become stuck to a glue pad as it was scaring the bejeezus out of us, just outside our small circle of illumination.

I had been shot at and missed by a bad guy the year before, I've thought ever since that the screaming invisible rat was scarier.

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Originally Posted by Alan

I had been shot at and missed by a bad guy the year before, I've thought ever since that the screaming invisible rat was scarier.

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That sounds like something out of a movie, Alan. I feel bad for you, but I feel bad for the rat, too. I've heard those glue pads are very inhumane. We had a mouse problem when we got back to NJ, so we called an exterminator and I told him I refused to do glue pads.

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Originally Posted by catherine

T I've heard those glue pads are very inhumane.

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I agree, we killed it before leaving (don't tell Rob).

[QUOTE=Alan;326078]

LOL, well in this case it hasn't been a problem for the past 24 or so years. Rather than get caught up in the Democratic Socialist way of dealing with things like this which would include assigning oppressor/victim status to each party and using all media available to complain and sow dissent, we went the Libertarian Capitalist route when we built this house and gifted ourselves with separate bathrooms. No drama, no fuss and everyone involved remains wrapped in an envelope of love, acceptance and positive esteem.

Don't think this issue is political. It is the gentlemanly thing to do. We both now close the toilet. We used to have a dog and that trained us so the dog would not drink out of toilet. I have been married 45 years and can only think of a handful of times the seat was left up. As I said, my DH is a gentleman! Sounds like it was a good idea for you to each have your own bathroom.... dilemma solved.

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Originally Posted by frugal-one

It is the gentlemanly thing to do. We both now close the toilet. We used to have a dog and that trained us so the dog would not drink out of toilet. I have been married 45 years and can only think of a handful of times the seat was left up. As I said, my DH is a gentleman! Sounds like it was a good idea for you to each have your own bathroom.... dilemma solved.

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It wasn't actually a dilemma for us as it probably only happened a few times over our 43 years together but I'm sure your husband is truly a better gentleman than I could ever be. I'm a work in progress. ;)

Yes glue pads are horrible as the rat starves and no drinking either.

Our area has lots of rats. A major highway project nearby has displaced a lot of them from a wooded area and that seems to have put them into reproductive mode. Last winter there were several cars on our street that had damage to under hood hoses and engine casings. The rats chewed on them after a snow storm. We found bird seed on DH's engine area several times. A neighbor caught eight in his garage over the winter (snap traps). Some people have them in their houses. Mostly they are outside. We are near the water and seem to get a lot of wildlife but I've never heard of so many rats in the 30 or so years we have lived here. If you know a fool proof way to get rid of them please share your knowledge.

Has anyone had a rat terrier as a pet? My neighbor had one, and one time it chased a rat but the rat escaped down a stormwater drain.

Arrrgh! The various forms of communication these days makes me crazy. It seems that no one in my various groups handles it all, every form.

I came home from Hermann yesterday to find a voicemail left on my landline from someone who did not leave her name or her phone number and I am 80% sure I know who it is, but really – it is so damn annoying that people don’t leave their name. I called her back, went to voicemail. So, if it was not her who called me then I won’t know that.

I also dislike it when peope call and immediately launch into the conversation and I’m supposed to figure out who they are. I assume this poor phone etiquette is supported by modern cell phone technology where we can always see who was calling. Except I can’t because I don’t talk on my cell phone. I use our landline.


Two people I recently contacted had non functioning voicemail boxes,One is full and the other is not set up, it has not been set up in forever and I forget that until I call and try to use it.

Me, I dont use my cell phone so dont try to call me on it. Just email me.

I use my cell as a pager; I don't talk on it if I can avoid it.

I don't answer my landline, in fact the ringer is turned off (what a marvelous invention the ringer switch was!)

I'm with you--email me. I far prefer that method of communicating. Plus, there's a record. Win all around.

This is a funny “joke is on me” incident. I hurt my back doing what I call to myself “lady of the manor” gardening. I was deadheading Iris at Missouri botanical gardens. That is a very genteel activity where one stands, bends a little, snips spent flower heads with scissors, and deposits them in a bucket,. There’s no getting dirty, no crawling around on the ground, no serious bending, and no sweating.

So it was so strange that I pulled a muscle and I was in pain for about 20 hours, severe pain when I move a certain way. But it disappeared miraculously about noon the next day.


I’m taking this as a lesson from the universe that I am not meant to be a lady of the manor doing light lady-type gardening, I need to be the gardeners assistant who halls buckets of mulch and digs holes and schleps armfulls of plants around. I am just a peasant.

BIL is on the West Coast and I'm STILL ranting. I noticed shortly after he left, when I went in to make sure the room was clear for an appraiser, that he left his room as if he were away for the weekend. Stuff cluttering the nightstands and dressers, stuff on the floor, etc. So I texted him and I told him that I had to clean out the room--that he had left a ton of crap in there. His response, "Oh, really? I knew I left my running shorts. I thought that was it." I wanted to say, "were you wearing a blindfold when you left the house last week?" But I restrained myself.

Well, now that we're down to brass tacks on the clearing out, it has come to my attention that he also left the closet full of his clothes, on the rod, and on the shelf. He left clothes in the dresser, all three drawers, and he left clothes and paperwork in another bedroom.

He plainly knew that we were moving out. It is beyond my comprehension that he didn't say to me, "I can't take all this stuff to the West Coast now, but I'll box it up. What do you want me to do with it?" He knowingly walked away leaving me with his stuff on top of all my stuff. And then he played dumb in the most disingenuous way.

I don't know what to do. One side of me is like my DH on my shoulder saying "Sh*tcan it!" But the other side of me sees a man who has nothing in this world, pretty much, and even if he is not quite destitute now, he's moving there fast. His best friend--the one who prodded him out to the West Coast--called me the other day to say that BIL has been drinking heavily. He's been out there over a month now with absolutely no effort to get a job. He is really troubled. I look at the things he's left behind and they are little moments of trips I know he's taken, and other personal items aside from the clothing. So I veer toward compassion but man, I just really have to vent. Now I'll have to put his stuff in boxes and hope my son doesn't mind that they're going to be taking up space in the garage.

catherine, I am confused about why you are even considering doing anything besides chucking your brother-in-law’s stuff into the dumpster. He doesn’t care about it.

I would throw it away. You can’t help those that won’t help themselves.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

catherine, I am confused about why you are even considering doing anything besides chucking your brother-in-law’s stuff into the dumpster. He doesn’t care about it.

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I wondered this as well. I am more concerned that you will continue to enable his behaviour and invite him back to live with you. There is a difference between a kind heart and an enabler. Don't let his friend guilt you into anything.

Why do you think he left so much behind?

Is it possible he wants to be able to return? Consciously or unconsciously, he may think of your house as home, "the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

If you think it is possible, what effect would that have on your decision?

I don’t want this to become a referendum on how catherine and her family treat the brother-in-law in California. But...


I do think brother-in-law’s “stuff “is the least of his problems. Clothing is easy to get. The papers he left – are they important? Are they a year or two’s worth of tax papers that he might actually need? I might be inclined to stuff those in a small box and hang onto them but only,if they appear to be key documents.

But the big question mark is what happens when BIL completely runs out of money. And why is the friend calling Catherine and her family? Is he a rational and responsible person? Has he already figured out that BIL is going to be a burden?

It is good that BIL already has public housing. I do not know how he will get income. He has to work.

To answer IL's questions. ...

I don't know the significance of his paperwork. I did find a whole box of sentimental stuff like yearbooks and certificates, etc. But he also left behind all the dog toys and dog clothing and even a dog bed and collar from the dog that died 3 years ago. DH sh*tcanned that stuff.

The friend called to discuss the drinking. Apparently he's drinking all the time and then he gets obnoxious. He was over the friend's house last weekend, got loaded, wouldn't leave upon request and the friend had to walk him home. My BIL is not a frat boy--he's 56 years old. I've been watching this escalating drinking habit, but it's clearly gotten worse. And there is defiinitely alcoholism in the family. Apparently it's the drinking that has become at least one significant barrier to his looking for a job. The friend thinks we should have an intervention.

I don't know what's going to happen in the years ahead when BIL runs out of money. I think Simone hit the nail on the head. I don't know if it really penetrated that he no longer has a place to go back to. If he shows up needy in Grand Isle, he can't stay with us. The place is too small. But the bigger problem is he truly lacks cognitive abilities to simply make life choices--from simple ones like editing a resume to complex ones, like figuring out how to support himself.

If it comes to that a group home. If I can do tough love with a drug addicted son you can do it with him. It’s very hard.

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Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

If it comes to that a group home. If I can do tough love with a drug addicted son you can do it with him. It’s very hard.

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Yeah, it is tough. If we followed the friend's advice and did an intervention on BIL, though, it would be a really interesting event because there are a lot of family members that probably wouldn't show up because they would assume that they were the one being intervened on. In my family, an intervention would be a case of a lot of pots calling a lot of kettles black.

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Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

If it comes to that a group home. If I can do tough love with a drug addicted son you can do it with him. It’s very hard.

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My guess is that BIL is too high functioning to qualify for services reserved for the intellectually disabled. He might even test out within the range of normal IQ, but he lacks executive function in his brain.

There are group homes for addicts. My son has been in many and I worked in this field. There are group homes for seniors. Many things have changed.

Arrrrgggg. Racist, gentrified, entitled neighbors.

We live in a downtown neighborhood that rapidly gentrified over the last few years. House prices exploded and a younger group moved in. We also still have low income/disabled housing and some remaining residents in their own homes. Some of the entitled neighbors are upset over anything that is not to their liking and have now started insulting others on social media for not jumping on their bandwagon.

The next thing I bet they will complain about is less than expensive pretty cars parked on "their" street.

And I would so much prefer our police be working on the serious homicide/gun issue we have right now. Prostitution, drunkedness, and people just acting/looking 'suspicious" are far down the my list of concerns at present. We have kids killing kids.

Sweet, our neighborhood has changed too but they are fitting in and in general are nice. We have a combo of retirees and young people moving in.

Ours seems to be young urban high income professionals. Houses are $400,000+ and rents now are $1000 at an absolute minimum. Retirees and lower income or elderly are moving out. Diversity is not valued.

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Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

Sweet, our neighborhood has changed too but they are fitting in and in general are nice. We have a combo of retirees and young people moving in.

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We've lived in our home for 28y now. Amazingly, over the years, we have always been a mix of: young families w/babies, mid-level young professionals as well as the newly retired and older-have died retired.

We are here for life so have been through all these phases (we hope to part of the latter) except no babies.:~)

Our 1950’s ranches start at 330 and up depending on size. Many seniors own and our property taxes are crazy low. Rents start at 1600. Low income people that didn’t own have been shoved out. Since most houses only have a one car garage we see our neighbors when we walk the dogs plus we belong to Nextdoor.

Our issues have started on Nextdoor. We have had some racist posts, some photos posted of women in skimpy clothes calling them prostitutes, etc. In every instance it has been white neighbors complaining about African Americans. Even some older gentlemen sitting on stoops discussing the world are complained about and yes, they are African Americans. It grates on me because I like a diverse neighborhood. I would rather smile and say good morning or engage in conversation.

Since we live in a very downtown neighborhood, families don't move in. Those that have kids while living here, move out quickly. The overall age of the neighborhood population has decreased a lot.

I wouldn't touch Nextdoor without a hazmat suit. A friend passes along ND posts from time to time and they're gossipy and annoying--and I'm sure that's only the start.

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Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

I wouldn't touch Nextdoor without a hazmat suit. A friend passes along ND posts from time to time and they're gossipy and annoying--and I'm sure that's only the start.

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I don't care for NextDoor either. The majority of participants in my "neighborhood" were more than a 3 mile drive. That is NOT my 'hood. Even though the invite came from someone around the corner. No need for another social media platform. FB is enough.

I amA moderator for Nextdoor. They are called “leads” there. Nextdoor is brilliant for finding lost pets.

We are a little more than a mile from downtown. We have decent sized yards so it’s always been a family neighborhood. Nextdoor does a great job of bringing pets home. Sometimes people go on about the homeless.