Recovering hoarders?

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Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Hoarders tend to isolate themselves. They seem to think that stuff will keep them company but what it really does is builds a wall between them and their family, friends, and community. It really is a sad state to be in -- like another other mental illness or addiction, of sorts.

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This is not a question. It is an assertion. Similar to many other assertions you have made in which you equate voluntary social isolation with pathology.

so let's explore your ideas.

hoarders tend to isolate themselves - yes. But I would say "most hoarders"

they seem to think that stuff will keep them company - perhaps, I have never met a hoarder who expressed that opinion. Have you? I have met many who prefer interacting with objects or animals to interacting with people. I consider that a valid preference. Some people want a job at the reception desk. Others would rather process orders alone from home.

what it really does is builds [sic] a wall between them and their family friends and community - in some cases this is done deliberately - I build this wall to keep you at bay - not the optimal solution, I would agree. When that wall is unwanted, then the wall is the problem. When the wall is a coping solution to another problem, then you need to step back and address *that* problem. If I turn my guest room into a storage unit because I want to keep the stuff and I don't want anybody to come visit, I'm not sure there is really a problem. Is there a problem if I get a smaller place because I don't want visitors to stay with me and just rent a small storage unit? An actual problem, not a conflict with your personal beliefs.

it really is a sad state to be in - "it" in this case appears to refer back to social isolation. If the person feels they have adequate human contact, why is it sad?

I think it is sad because you spend too much time thinking about stuff, trying to get rid of it, compromise with your DH who likes less, etc. So all your stuff is costing you time, precious life energy, thoughts, etc. There is a cost to everything that we do or don't choose in our lives.

Oh, the hoarding is sad I guess (or I have some other words for it) but the being alone isn't sad.

i love my dh. I enjoy having him around pretty much all the time. But he used to travel for work when the kids were younger. And now he doesn't. And sometimes I fantasize about him having to travel some time now that the kids are out of the house and me getting to stay home all week all by myself and not go anywhere.....

he'd probably try to convince me to come along.

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Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

... There is a cost to everything that we do or don't choose in our lives.

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I read somewhere--can't find it now--that introverts see people and things as interchangeable, more or less. Their brains don't light up any more when they see people, as extroverts' brains do. Not everyone is yearning to spend more time with other humans when there are books, animals, and yes things that give them more pleasure. I think it's sad that people can't just be who they are without a lot of armchair psychologizing by other people. (Also, books, animals, and things aren't always taking your inventory, judging, and gossiping about you. Win, win, win.)

I realize that it is fine for people to want to be alone, etc. No big deal. I find the hoarding part sad because so much time, energy gets sucked down the drain worrying etc about things.

Since we have semi-retired I look forward to having the house to myself occasionally and so does my DH. I have had friends that like animals more then people-no big deal either.

I agree that disorganization or hoarding may waste time, but so can dealing with people. I often observed that half of any given work day was consumed by gossip or other pointless chatter. So much of life--sitting in traffic, food prep, housework, working for a living--can be seen as wasted time. Maybe we spend an hour or day doing what we feel is meaningful. Maybe "meaningful" isn't what it's all about. (I have no idea what it's all about, really.)

People do waste much time complaining at work. That is one of the things i love about being semi-retired and working from home is that I am in charge of my time.

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Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

I read somewhere--can't find it now--that introverts see people and things as interchangeable, more or less. Their brains don't light up any more when they see people, as extroverts' brains do. Not everyone is yearning to spend more time with other humans when there are books, animals, and yes things that give them more pleasure. I think it's sad that people can't just be who they are without a lot of armchair psychologizing by other people. (Also, books, animals, and things aren't always taking your inventory, judging, and gossiping about you. Win, win, win.)

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I believe it was H.L Mencken who said:

"For every complex question there is a simple answer. And it is wrong."

When folks say "Why can't we just let people be who they are?!" I roll my eyes. Why? Because that it one of H.L.'s wrong and simple answers.

Almost all "just" statements are as such.

"He is just a funny guy!" But why is he funny?

"She is just a sad lady." But why is she sad?

And there is so, so much that goes into the creation of a personality that it, frankly Jane, is not as simple as "just let people be who they are!"

So when someone likes stuff more than people, I wonder why they do so. Would they like other people more than stuff if they were raised differently? If they went to a different school? If they had better friends? If they had grown up with siblings or not? Etc.

Ya dig?

Maybe if you worried less about people taking your inventory, judging, and gossiping about you then maybe you'd have less affinity for stuff and like other folks more. Or, dare I say it...attract better people into your social circle?

Personally I believe what Daniel Suelo has said:

"What other people think about you is none of your business."

I'm becoming more introverted the older I get. And I'm a minimalist.

These traits come in many combinations.