That's good work if you can get it!Quote:
Originally Posted by oldhat
That's good work if you can get it!Quote:
Originally Posted by oldhat
lets see....your perfect date with a woman would be with someone who looks like your girlfriend, you would ride bicycles in order to reduce your carbon footprint, stop off at the local fishing hole, impale a slimy worm on a hook and catch a few stinky fish for dinner and talk about different plans for saving for retirement and how wonderful the rest of her life would be with 100 or less things and no children. And it all would cost you next to nothing.
How romantic......You better take her out to dinner at a hugely expensive restaurant, then to a Broadway play and you better be driving a cleaned up gas guzzling SUV or you might just lose this gal.
For me the "willing to settle one someone who doesn't want kids" would be a huge red flag. I would not personally be happy to be settled for. If it's a for fun for a while relationship, that's not an issue, but it doesn't sound like it's that much fun either.
For what it's worth, the dates being described don't sound expensive to me. They certainly sound like an amount that i'm not willing to spend once a week let alone more often on entertainment, but they don't sound expensive compared to most dinner + something dates.
Bolivia is lovely in the winter, I expect...
I don't know, I've gone to plays and so on with just platonic friends (of course one paid one's own way, so it wasn't a date someone treating situation) as I knew someone who was very into plays. So ... Is that something I would do alone? No. Maybe I'm just not that cultured :) But with company. Yea. (And it was way more fun than the movies).Quote:
For what it's worth, the dates being described don't sound expensive to me. They certainly sound like an amount that i'm not willing to spend once a week let alone more often on entertainment
I am middle aged now. You get older and you don't mind being settled for like you did in your indignant and righteous 20s. haha Just my experience of it...Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary B.
You are to going to "convince" her of anything. You can offer he altnatives, basically, I'm a little concerned about this relationship. Do you ever want to get married again? Because you seem to have very different values, about what is fun, about how to spend money, about quantities of belongings, housing, neatness....
I'm not actually asking the following questions for answers, just ask yourself, ok?
Is the sex/physical attraction that good?
What (else) are you getting out of this relationship?
Where do you see this going? In 5 years? Ten?
Is she really the most amazing woman you know? (are you making an effort to meet any others?)
I like walks in the park (I like walks down route 132 I'm easy). If my date showed up with a bag of groceries and a bottle of wine and put some music on and poured me a glass while he cooked for me, I'd be delighted. If he CAUGHT dinner (and showered) first, I'd be impressed. Which doesn't mean I don't also like a nice dinner out, a concert, or an afternoon of mini golf. But there are a lot of ways to spoil a woman and make her feel special. If her " love language" is having money spent on her and that makes you feel resentful instead of appreciated, you have a compatibility problem.
We used to live across the street from a couple with a 4 y.o. son. She worked in a bank. He kept the car, yard and house up, grew the garden, built a boat, caught, grew, and wild crafted amazing food (and with the help of the grocery store did all the cooking), cleaned, did laundry, and took good care of his son while passing on skills and knowledge. I thought he was amazing. His wife thought he was a bum because he didn't have a job. I love my husband and would not have traded, but he was wasted on that woman. And she made him unhappy. But he loved her. Do you love this woman enough to be unhappy for her?
I believe it was you, Rev. Ul, who said minimalism - or a "mustachian" set of life goals - http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/blog/ - is a meta-lifestyle, that it colors whatever it is you choose to do on a more specific level. If you and someone else don't have a meta-match, I don't know how serious the relationship could ever be. It's sort of like being a vegan and being told you can have all the pizza you want - just eat around the pepperoni and cheese. Doable for one pizza, but for a lifetime?
I agree with this. If she is flat out telling you what she feels is romantic and she wants a date that suits her twice a month, this honestly seems reasonable. Just as it would be reasonable to do things you like 2xs a month. But if you really don't enjoy what the other person picks for dates then how compatible are you? As for who pays, are you guys serious and been together a long time? Because it seems odd to know her salary, pension, 401k, etc and she to know yours, unless you are both just very open with this kind of thing or you are at the stage of combining households.Quote:
Originally Posted by rodeosweetheart
About 6 months into a LTR, me offering to pay was accepted every third time or so, we didn't really discuss it. We had common interests and uncommon interests. We mostly did stuff we both liked, but if one person really wanted to do something together that was not an interest of the other, we did it because that was uncommon. But the really different stuff, we did with our friends. He loved winter camping, I would do anything, including faking a cardiac event to get out of winter camping. He did this with his guy friends, surprisingly none of their significant others wanted to go either. And that was fine with him, totally fine with me. It did not bother me in the least that he was using precious "we time" because it was occasional and made him happy (we had kids and lived an hour apart, "we time" took planning). I love Wilco, he does not, but in this case he was happy to drive me to Massachusetts, sit under the stars, have a few beers and he always ended up loving the live show. I was happy to go with someone else, but very happy he actually wanted to be there for an experience I loved. Somewhere between 6-8 times over the years, lol. I think he secretly likes them, too, no one is that nice!
He also didn't think he liked museums, tried one, loved it, soon he was planning trips to museums. So he was capable of change on activities after exposure but not everything, like modern art. We were at Mass MoCA, he was so loud in a place of serene silence about calling everything "crap that I could do", and he kept TOUCHING the exhibits like a 3 yr old! I said I had food poisoning from lunch, we have to go right now, lol. Never to return to anything resembling modern art. And that was fine, I had that, he had winter camping. At least the odds of my nose freezing off were slim.
we were both happy reading for hours in front of the fire, often liked the same books, taking the dogs on trails, he liked "guy" movies but also independent film (that's like hitting guy lotto). Those things were free and neither was unhappy.
if you are only tolerating each other's date plans, neither of you finds a new interest through the other person, you both feel let down, it doesn't sound like a great match. Sure, exBF and I enacted change of opinions on certain things the other introduced us to, that's great but I found that to be rare among BFs. And attempting to change me down the road on things I hold dear, like values and beliefs, led to me ending the relationship.
I hope she learns that she loves fishing or camping and you find things you never knew you liked in her world. Because without any of that, I think a true relationship would be untenable. Partially, IMHO, because Ultralite, you are not a halfway kind of guy from what you've said here, you are clear in your beliefs and you do not sound like you can change them even if you wanted to. For your sake, I'd love to say I can see you in her 4 BR house with all her stuff, dates are dinners out and a movie, you pursue your things on your own, but I can't. I cannot picture you happy there, it sounds like the total opposite of the life you've said you are trying to live. My 2 cents and I hope you are not offended, that is not my intention at all. I hope you have a whole list of things you enjoy together and share a true love, that is more important than simplicity, yay or nay.
She and I have been dating on and off for the past two years. I broke up with her three times during that time citing differences in values and lifestyle. After a few months of being broken up she would then contact me and ask to try again.Quote:
Originally Posted by freshstart
So knowing about each other's finances is reasonable.
I do not like guy movies. I like independent films, sci-fi (the good stuff!), and foreign films, especially Brazilian cinema, though I do also enjoy quite of a bit of European film. She prefers rom-coms and dislikes movies with subtitles.
I do not expect her or any woman to enjoy fishing. haha It was a nice bonus that she went fishing a handful of times with me. For me, it was just like she was getting to know me by going fishing. She saw what I appreciate about it -- the sun or the rain, the breeze or the heat, the lovely clear water and the murky depths, etc. But it was also that she has such a busy schedule with work, her side job, her household chores, her dogs, etc. that she knew we would not be able to see each other those weekends if she did not go fishing with me. So she squeezed it in.
You did not offend me. I appreciate your insights!
You are correct. I am not the "half-way" type. I have always struggled in the dating realm because I am quirky and intense about life. Some would say "extreme." I say thorough! :)
Do either of you have any intention of getting married? If not, then I'd say dates should be split.
My husband and I only had 3 dates before we got engaged, granted they were spread out over 3 months because I was living 6 hours away.
I just don't see the point of of a couple dating 2 or 3 or 15 years (as in the case of an uncle of mine).