Unwanted gifts

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Originally Posted by Mary B.

Catherine, I think a sense of obligation is one possibility, but not the only one. Here's a couple more. 1. The person you were talking to was reminded of you through the conversation -- "I like this person! And hey, doesn't she do market research? And hey, Friend was looking for someone to do that!" 2. The person you were speaking to was reminded that you someone who cared about other people -- enough that you have some idea of what a former colleagues' daughter is doing quite specifically, when a lot of people might have no idea that a former colleague had
a daughter -- and thought, "This is the kind of person I want to recommend to my friend."

I think quid pro quo arrangements are common most places, but as much as anything it's about strengthening ties in a network and coming to see each other a little differently, rather than a this-for-that obligation.

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Thanks for your observations, Mary. You're right--maybe I made too much of the cultural connection. I think the whole notion of reciprocity is interesting. How obligated do you feel as a recipient? How expectant are you as a giver that your kindness will be returned in some form?

I don't know how having a drink every work night doesn't permanently ruin one's sleep (and thus make one a wreck the next day), alcohol puts me to sleep and then wakes me up in the middle of the night, that every work night - ah yea sounds lovely and likely to work really well. At least the Italians drinking in the afternoon and then taking a nap have a good idea. But with an American work schedule, nah drinking regularly there oh no. There's probably a reason people drink on Friday and Saturday nights. If you do the weeknight drinking enough do you get used to it, so it no longer does that? I also can't tolerate caffeine past 2pm or so.

tl;dr

I always like getting gifts, and accept them with pleasure! If it's something I can't use, I still get the fun of receiving - and then giving it to someone who will like it.

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Originally Posted by catherine

Thanks for your observations, Mary. You're right--maybe I made too much of the cultural connection. I think the whole notion of reciprocity is interesting. How obligated do you feel as a recipient? How expectant are you as a giver that your kindness will be returned in some form?

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For me it depends on the circumstances. The kind of example you gave -- passing along a name with an introduction -- seems courteous but relatively minor. Writing a letter of recommendation (for grad school, for instance) or making a call on someone's behalf is more major. I don't honestly think that any of these actions incur an obligation, though -- to me they seem like part of working as a professional in a field.

I don't drink, but some thrift stores are run by religious groups (so that is an issue). Then you have licensing requirements to either dispense or sell liquor, and these involve both state and federal agencies (BATF, states ATF). Local laws may also have an effect (local restaurants within so much distance of churches must get churches OK for liquor sales).

Dealing with an unwanted gift at the moment...

I have become a regifter.......unclassy, I know. But the gifts I receive that are unwanted or simply not my style go into the gift pile. When I am invited to something that requires a gift, I look through these gifts and select something appropriate. I'd say at least 50% of the time there is something I can use for someone else.

Let us be unclassy together.

I can't regift anything, well I can and have, but clandestinely.

Every little thing my dad gives me he later asks about -- several times -- even years later.

I do the same thing as Tennegal