Finally...dd's wedding is in the works

DD and future hubby finally picked a wedding venue and set a date. Naturally, there are some things I don't like about the venue but I learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut. She asked if I wanted to come look at it today when they sign the contract, ie come write the check but I declined. I do intend to contribute funds (quite a lot of them actually) but I know if I went I would ask way too many questions and step on toes. It's not my wedding. This is all a bit awkward because the groom's parents are wealthy and are inviting the lion's share of guests. I think back to all the weddings I have attended, lavish to simple, and the one that sticks in my memory was back in the hippie days. Bride and groom were married next to a gently flowing river among the wildflowers. Birdsong and acoustic guitar for music. Potluck for food. They wore white Indian style garments and were barefoot. Now that's simple...I am trying to stay light-hearted about all this but here we go.

Congratulation!
My son called this morning and told me he and girlfriend will be getting married. They are Hipster, art, music, foodie, pastry Chefs, 27 year old people. He said they are going to the court house, then this summer a outside dinner party they want to make the food for. Everything thier way.
Guess I have nothing to do, but give my love and gift.

Hugs, Pinkytoe. I have been through two weddings and practice keeping mouth shut--not fun, really. Hope number three gets married outdoors at Multnomah Falls, prix fixe with champagne and tapas, killer view. That would be my choice.

Wish there was not quite so much "keeping mouth shut" involved with dealing with adult children. It starts to feel rather one sided at times. . .
Oh well, it's Texas, so the wedding will be a blast, wherever they have it!

When DD and SiL announced their engagement last Valentine's Day, we told them three things: that we were very happy for them; that, among the four sets of parents, we would not be "the problem"; and that DW had saved up a sum since childhood (about what they had to spend on the wedding themselves) that was theirs to use for the wedding however they wanted, no questions asked.

We were happy to be involved as they wished -- I was asked to investigate honeymoon options and DW was happy to help shop for a gown. But we made it clear that the money given was our limit. That served to keep them and us from getting too involved emotionally in choices made. The thing is, what appealed to DW and me in a wedding is not necessarily what would appeal to a pair of outgoing 20-somethings who still believe this is The One*. The wedding day was what they wanted, even if it was not what we would have spent money on. And we had a great time, too.


* not to sound like a downer; I think most of us going into marriage believing that and, for many of us, it doesn't happen

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Originally Posted by rodeosweetheart

Hugs, Pinkytoe. I have been through two weddings and practice keeping mouth shut--not fun, really. Hope number three gets married outdoors at Multnomah Falls, prix fixe with champagne and tapas, killer view. That would be my choice.

Wish there was not quite so much "keeping mouth shut" involved with dealing with adult children. It starts to feel rather one sided at times. . .
Oh well, it's Texas, so the wedding will be a blast, wherever they have it!

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The keeping mouth shut thing is getting really old around here. As adults we should be able to express our opinions and talk openly with our children.

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Originally Posted by libby

The keeping mouth shut thing is getting really old around here. As adults we should be able to express our opinions and talk openly with our children.

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If my kids haven't asked for my opinion about their decisions and it doesn't affect me personally, I prefer to treat them as I would any other adult and respect their choices. If we're having an open discussion about things in general, I'll discuss openly.

I keep quiet mostly because I hear horror stories from DD about her friend's mothers trying to run the whole event. We had a long sit-down yesterday to discuss logistics and costs. She is planning an Austin funky wedding so at the least it will be informal and hopefully memorable in a good way. No attendants, short ceremony and lots of partying and dancing afterward with a food truck for feeding everyone. Outside under huge live oaks and twinkly lights.

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Originally Posted by pinkytoe

I keep quiet mostly because I hear horror stories from DD about her friend's mothers trying to run the whole event. We had a long sit-down yesterday to discuss logistics and costs. She is planning an Austin funky wedding so at the least it will be informal and hopefully memorable in a good way. No attendants, short ceremony and lots of partying and dancing afterward with a food truck for feeding everyone. Outside under huge live oaks and twinkly lights.

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What time of year?
That sounds beautiful.

My personal opinion is that if you want 100% autonomy you pay for it 100% yourself.

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Originally Posted by pinkytoe

I keep quiet mostly because I hear horror stories from DD about her friend's mothers trying to run the whole event. We had a long sit-down yesterday to discuss logistics and costs. She is planning an Austin funky wedding so at the least it will be informal and hopefully memorable in a good way. No attendants, short ceremony and lots of partying and dancing afterward with a food truck for feeding everyone. Outside under huge live oaks and twinkly lights.

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Sounds great!

In terms of the horror stories, yes, DH's mother and my mother weren't speaking to each other after a huge blow-out on the phone two days before the wedding because my mother's escort (her third husband) was wearing a suit, and my MIL's escort (her brother) was wearing a tux.

Geez…and these were two very practical, reasonable women IRL, but too frequently weddings don't resemble real life.

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Originally Posted by pinkytoe

I keep quiet mostly because I hear horror stories from DD about her friend's mothers trying to run the whole event. We had a long sit-down yesterday to discuss logistics and costs. She is planning an Austin funky wedding so at the least it will be informal and hopefully memorable in a good way. No attendants, short ceremony and lots of partying and dancing afterward with a food truck for feeding everyone. Outside under huge live oaks and twinkly lights.

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on a wedding website that I read, I hear a lot about parents stepping in who are paying for the wedding wanting to run the show. And sometimes that is appropriate because very young couples have no idea how to put this thing together and some of their concepts are ridiculously complex and unrealistic for resources --time and money--available.

One of the brides is planning a whole week event, not a destination wedding, but one week, where her firends will come to help gather moss to decorate tables and all sorts of impractical demands on guests.

0P in your situation your daughter is a grown woman and she can figure this out. I like her concept very much! I think it will be great, especially since she Doesn't seem to be in Princess for a Day mode, it's more like Paaaaaarty Time.

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Originally Posted by catherine

Sounds great!

In terms of the horror stories, yes, DH's mother and my mother weren't speaking to each other after a huge blow-out on the phone two days before the wedding because my mother's escort (her third husband) was wearing a suit, and my MIL's escort (her brother) was wearing a tux.

Geez…and these were two very practical, reasonable women IRL, but too frequently weddings don't resemble real life.

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Doesn't have to be a wedding I had an accident in 1991 after which my mother and aunt's pastor returned a family bible back to my mother. My mother and her sister (my aunt) didn't speak to each other 'til the time each passed away. It's weird what can set people off.

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she Doesn't seem to be in Princess for a Day mode, it's more like Paaaaaarty Time

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Yes!! I scratch my head wondering where this girl got the ultra-outgoing personality she has because it sure didn't come from her hermit parents. DH and I were discussing that yesterday and wondering if we brought home the wrong baby long ago.

I love weddings any which way they are put on.

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Originally Posted by libby

The keeping mouth shut thing is getting really old around here. As adults we should be able to express our opinions and talk openly with our children.

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When my younger sibling went to get married, their spouses mother kind of barrel rolled the whole thing over. Things happened, between my sibling and mother that I didn't even know I was invited, or where the wedding was, until the day of the wedding about 1/2 hour til.
My older siblings wedding I was in as an usher. I ended up walking down one of the extended relatives down to their seat, that the last time I saw them, I was an infant. They and my grandfather talked for the first time in 40 years. I don't know if there was other family there that I don't know or not. I've talked to some, not by my choice over the years, that I have kept things from my family, for their own sanity about.
I wish some relatives would learn it is better to keep your mouth shut sometimes. Because of some of this junk, I have always tried to keep my girlfriends away from my family.

Pinky, the Austin wedding I went to had the twinkling lights in the live oaks. It was absolutely magical, so pretty.

pinkytoe and ctg -congratulations! I'm with Glo - I love weddings however they go :)

When my son got married we gave a set amount & they could do what they wanted. I learned from my Mom that the way to be close to your kids is not to offer unasked for advice. I follow this & I find that I am much closer to my kids then I would be if I was telling them what to do.