My sis's frugal wedding (Not exactly a holiday but...)

My sis and (future/sort of current) BIL are getting married today. Here are the ways they are going super frugal:

-My sis and her friends cooked much of the food
-The desserts were bought at Costco
-Reverend UltraliteAngler is performing the ceremony (I was "ordained" a few years ago on the internet)
-They are providing their own sound system
-They did not have a rehearsal
-No tuxedos will be used
-The wedding will be held outdoors in a metro park

So yeah...

We'll see how this goes. The wedding starts in a little over 2 hours.

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Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

My sis and (future/sort of current) BIL are getting married today. Here are the ways they are going super frugal:

-My sis and her friends cooked much of the food
-The desserts were bought at Costco
-Reverend UltraliteAngler is performing the ceremony (I was "ordained" a few years ago on the internet)
-They are providing their own sound system
-They did not have a rehearsal
-No tuxedos will be used
-The wedding will be held outdoors in a metro park

So yeah...

We'll see how this goes. The wedding starts in a little over 2 hours.

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Good for them!

Rented dinner jackets are tacky, anyway.

I will be referring to you as the Rev UL, not to be confused with my IRL friend the Rev AL (no relation to Alan on this site. ):)

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Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

My sis and (future/sort of current) BIL are getting married today. Here are the ways they are going super frugal:

-My sis and her friends cooked much of the food
-The desserts were bought at Costco
-Reverend UltraliteAngler is performing the ceremony (I was "ordained" a few years ago on the internet)
-They are providing their own sound system
-They did not have a rehearsal
-No tuxedos will be used
-The wedding will be held outdoors in a metro park

So yeah...

We'll see how this goes. The wedding starts in a little over 2 hours.

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My son would be jealous. He's getting married next month and his wedding, as modest as it will be, has grown beyond his hopes and expectations. I think of him and his fiancee as being like Diane Keaton and Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. He loves the idea of the backyard BBQ with "Bride Burgers and Groom Burgers" and his fiancee (and I) have prodded him along the well-trodden path of wedding-bloat. And it's by no means an extravagant wedding! They're DIYing a lot of stuff, but he's been "encouraged" to commit to the fact that this is a WEDDING with 85 people.

So, he didn't want to spend money on the cocktail hour--of course, he wanted to provide an open bar, but he saw no reason to provide solid food for people drinking.. uh, no, his fiancee shot that down. So he asked the owner of the inn where they are getting married if he could bring his own popcorn. Uh, well, his dad and I offered to pay for some real hors d'oeuvres. We did ask if we could bring our own (i.e. Costco stuff, or even our own bruschetta bar) but apparently there's a health code that prohibits bringing any other food onto the premises.

But they did ask a DJ friend to give them music as a gift, and a photographer friend to give them photos as a gift, and my graphic designer DD to give them invitations as a gift, and the rehearsal dinner is at a pizza place (a VT landmark one) so they're doing pretty well at some of those budget busting wedding purchases.

Have fun at the wedding!! Are you going to be serious or witty when you officiate? I just went to my cousin's wedding and they had really untraditional vows, like "do you promise never to order Indian food," it was cute and different. Upsetting to the wedding traditionalists, but entertaining.

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Originally Posted by catherine

My son would be jealous. He's getting married next month and his wedding, as modest as it will be, has grown beyond his hopes and expectations. I think of him and his fiancee as being like Diane Keaton and Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. He loves the idea of the backyard BBQ with "Bride Burgers and Groom Burgers" and his fiancee (and I) have prodded him along the well-trodden path of wedding-bloat. And it's by no means an extravagant wedding! They're DIYing a lot of stuff, but he's been "encouraged" to commit to the fact that this is a WEDDING with 85 people.

So, he didn't want to spend money on the cocktail hour--of course, he wanted to provide an open bar, but he saw no reason to provide solid food for people drinking.. uh, no, his fiancee shot that down. So he asked the owner of the inn where they are getting married if he could bring his own popcorn. Uh, well, his dad and I offered to pay for some real hors d'oeuvres. We did ask if we could bring our own (i.e. Costco stuff, or even our own bruschetta bar) but apparently there's a health code that prohibits bringing any other food onto the premises.

But they did ask a DJ friend to give them music as a gift, and a photographer friend to give them photos as a gift, and my graphic designer DD to give them invitations as a gift, and the rehearsal dinner is at a pizza place (a VT landmark one) so they're doing pretty well at some of those budget busting wedding purchases.

Have fun at the wedding!! Are you going to be serious or witty when you officiate? I just went to my cousin's wedding and they had really untraditional vows, like "do you promise never to order Indian food," it was cute and different. Upsetting to the wedding traditionalists, but entertaining.

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The vows are secular, though largely traditional. I threw in a few zingers though, to make sure they both read the ceremony text I wrote. Turned out, they liked the zingers. haha Not sure what to think of that.

There will be 75 people at this wedding. 70 from BIL's fam, 5 from my sis's fam.

Sounds great! DD talks of having a big pitch-in, whenever she gets married. I hope you have great weather and lots of fun.

Seems like it all went fairly well. :)

DD was recently married and I hoped for a frugal wedding. She married into a family that is more into appearances than we are so it didn't happen that way. Still shocked at what we had to "contribute" as parents of the bride. But they were very happy with how everything that turned out so I guess it was worth it. It was a lot cheaper when people used to get married in churches instead of "venues" which charge thousands.

I think my sis and her husband did it right, for the most part.

Frugal, laid back, quick ceremony. All secular and in a metro park on a late summer afternoon. I do not support the country music they played on the sound system afterward though! haha

If it were me it'd have been P-Funk, David Bowie, Steely Dan, and a disco mix! :)

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Originally Posted by pinkytoe

Still shocked at what we had to "contribute" as parents of the bride. .

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Was that not a choice? My parents gifted us our wedding and they drove the budget. DH and I are still grateful for the gift. I sure hope it was given freelly without shock. It makes me sad to read this.

Plus, I thought the traditional "bride's parents pay for the wedding; groom's pay for the rehearsal dinner" was kind of out the window these days. I think budgets are patched together in all different ways. As I mentioned, my son and his DF wanted to pay for a modest wedding themselves, but we're throwing something in, and so is her father. I don't think he's contributing more than we are, which is truly not a lot, considering that my son is trying to do the whole thing for 1/3 of the average wedding cost of $30k (in NJ the average is 50k--thank God he's not getting married here!).

And here is another fun fact about weddings: the more you spend, the more likely you are to get a divorce.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/...save-marriage/

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Was that not a choice?

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Yes it was a choice to contribute and we were glad that it made her wedding a happy day. Just shocked at how wedding expectations (and expenses) have changed over the years.

Good grief, Catherine, is he spending ten thousand dollars? I guess that is a bargain, these days, but still. . .

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Originally Posted by rodeosweetheart

Good grief, Catherine, is he spending ten thousand dollars? I guess that is a bargain, these days, but still. . .

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Yes, for almost 100 guests, that is a bargain, believe me. I paid $8k for my wedding of the same size… back in 1977.

You are right, a hundred guests, even if you just have it catered--you can tell I know nothing about weddings. My last one was under a thousand, and three hundred of that was for white wine from one of the guests' German winery, and 500 for musicians. But we had the wedding and the reception at the church, and not so many guests. And even that was 17 years ago. . .

We had 160 guests (only 40 were mine/DH invitations), a buffet dinner, drinking and dancing (the traditional )Dutch party. Under $3000 acoording to Dad. 1980. Ceremony was in a church and reception at a Holiday Inn conference center. I know it helps that we each had 1 attendant and we made dresses for her/flowergirl/candlelighters. DH's family made the food for rehearsal and it was hosted at his Uncles home/balcony/patio.

I think location has a lot to do with cost. Rural northwest.

10k is still completely insane in my book. How do you easily save up 10k? Although I suppose it doesn't seem as bad if each party only has to save up 5k which is true I suppose, if they both make enough to save for it - though really wouldn't this having to wait to save up even 5k postpone the wedding if you really do want to get married? Enough to make one elope ... have an anniversary party a year later ... As for mommy and daddy paying I had never ever heard of such a concept.

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10k is still completely insane in my book.

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If you look into it, the average wedding is now in the $20K+ range. We hadn't saved a particular pot for DD's wedding as she had lived with her fiance for four years and we didn't think they would ever get married.
Our contribution of $10K+ came out of our retirement savings pot. It just means working longer to recoup. I don't know what they or in-laws spent but probably something close to that.

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Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore

10k is still completely insane in my book. How do you easily save up 10k?

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Hence my son's glazed look every time his fiancee broaches the topic of the wedding spend. But it's really being split 4 ways: the two of them, DH & I, and her father, which makes it very doable. I have friends who have spent $30k for their kids' wedding. I've lucked out.. my other DS practically eloped--DH and I picked up the beer tab at the local pub after they got married on a Wednesday afternoon with just 6 of us in attendance.

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Originally Posted by catherine

Plus, I thought the traditional "bride's parents pay for the wedding; groom's pay for the rehearsal dinner" was kind of out the window these days. I think budgets are patched together in all different ways. As I mentioned, my son and his DF wanted to pay for a modest wedding themselves, but we're throwing something in, and so is her father. I don't think he's contributing more than we are, which is truly not a lot, considering that my son is trying to do the whole thing for 1/3 of the average wedding cost of $30k (in NJ the average is 50k--thank God he's not getting married here!).

And here is another fun fact about weddings: the more you spend, the more likely you are to get a divorce.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/...save-marriage/

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The average wedding costs $30k!?!?!

Great article on wedding spending! http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/...save-marriage/

Spend less!

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Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

The average wedding costs $30k!?!?!

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Yup. Here's some interesting stats:

http://nypost.com/2015/06/06/price-o...re-than-30000/

And if you want to see exactly where the 30k goes:

http://www.costofwedding.com/

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Originally Posted by catherine

Yup. Here's some interesting stats:

http://nypost.com/2015/06/06/price-o...re-than-30000/

And if you want to see exactly where the 30k goes:

http://www.costofwedding.com/

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When I got married back in 2006, my then partner and I simply eloped. We went to the courthouse, got hitched, and flew to Europe for a "honeymoon."

Twas nice!

But if I ever get married again there ain't no darned way I am spending $30k on a wedding. That is insane!

Our son married a year ago - I have no idea what it cost. They had 20 people for a dinner at an Italian restaurant the night before the wedding, outdoor wedding in a DC park, lunch immediately afterward. Very sweet. We gave them $5,000 which may or may not have covered all expenses but that is what we were comfortable with.

Our daughter just got engaged. She is completely freaking out about guest lists, invitations, dress, etc. We will give them the same amount of money - anything they don't spend is theirs. Honey, please scale it back!!!!

When my oldest got married we contributed $3,000. Her parents did some & they did the rest. I think they spent about $10,000 all together.

I just find the whole concept so strange. We, as a general population, don't expect to drive around in Lamborghinis. We don't expect to eat at The French Laundry, we don't expect to wear De La Renta originals. Frankly, I'm amazed if I can get an internet page to load in less than 20 seconds, because that level of luxury isn't mainstream here. So how come there is this expectation among people of very ordinary means that a catered party with a photographer, a videographer, a florist, a band, three or four pre-events and a $12,000 dress, a party that costs more than a year's take home pay, is a realistic standard for normal people?

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Originally Posted by kib

I just find the whole concept so strange. We, as a general population, don't expect to drive around in Lamborghinis. We don't expect to eat at The French Laundry, we don't expect to wear De La Renta originals. Frankly, I'm amazed if I can get an internet page to load in less than 20 seconds, because that level of luxury isn't mainstream here. So how come there is this expectation among people of very ordinary means that a party that costs more than a year's take home pay is a realistic standard?

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Some pretty remarkable marketing yes? And it happened in 1- 2 generations. When my peers got married, they had a cake and punch reception in the church basement.

When my oldest got married we contributed $3,000. Her parents did some & they did the rest. I think they spent about $10,000 all together. I forgot to mention that they had 2 weddings-1 here & 1 in Poland. WE paid for the one here. Got married in a park, reception at our house with a big tent , rented tables/chairs, dishes, etc so could be a sit down dinner. Had a well stocked bar and catered some of the food & we cooked some. I made the centerpieces the table, bought the flowers, her dress all on sale. The one in Poland was $10,000 because in that country the weddings are 2 full days with 60 people, food coming every 2 hours, band & dee jay the whole time, every type of liquor you could want, beautiful venue, etc. Since their currency is a third of ours it is like spending $30k here. The tradition dates back to when they were a communist country & short of food etc so weddings were the one time to celebrate bleak lives. Since the country as a whole & the people are not rich it does not sound like the best plan to me. However, we went & it was a lot of fun.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

Some pretty remarkable marketing yes? And it happened in 1- 2 generations. When my peers got married, they had a cake and punch reception in the church basement.

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Yep. My parents got married in 1960. Mom had a white 3/4 length dress, a normal pretty white dress with sleeves and a little lace, she didn't look like she was trying out for the lead in Cinderella, they did get married in a church, and then they had a nice party in my aunt's lovely old house and yard. People showed off their cameras by taking some photos. If it cost a month's salary I'd be surprised, and this was perfectly acceptable as middle-upper middle class practice.

Yes my mom sewed her own wedding dress, her father married them (was an ordained minister), they were married at my grandparents house, a nice old house and a good sized house, but not a mansion.

My wife and I were married by an Alaskan Marriage Commissioner with two witnesses in attendance, followed by drinks at the Captain Cook bar at the local Holiday Inn. Total cost, approximately $30.

She says she'd like to renew our vows someday and this time do it up right. Me, I'm not so sure it's worth the effort. That $30 has provided 39 years of bliss, can an expensive wedding do better?

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Originally Posted by Alan

My wife and I were married by an Alaskan Marriage Commissioner with two witnesses in attendance, followed by drinks at the Captain Cook bar at the local Holiday Inn. Total cost, approximately $30.

She says she'd like to renew our vows someday and this time do it up right. Me, I'm not so sure it's worth the effort. That $30 has provided 39 years of bliss, can an expensive wedding do better?

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Alan, we probably disagree on a lot -- I mean a lot. But I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment here! You two did it right for sure!

I have often wondered if the cost of the wedding is any indication of the focus of the participants? Those who fork out the huge time and money investment in having it perfect, spend less time and effort on what it takes to make the marriage work.

Yes, I scratched my head through DD's whole wedding planning. There are also large expectations among her crowd on where one honeymoons so throw in another $5K minimum for that. I recall how we were married in a church and had a small reception in my in-laws backyard. Speaking of Lamborghinis, I have seen several in the last week. I hate that all this pretentious stuff is returning again now that the economy is better.

My rule of thumb is "the more money spent, the shorter the marriage."

Joan Rivers threw a wedding for her daughter that brought to mind the excesses of the court at Versailles, and the marriage lasted just long enough to produce an heir for Joan. One example.

In other words, what Sweetana said.

I know I'm going against the tide here, but when DH and I got married, the costs came to $34,000. We had 240 people attending, and we had a full on huge party with open bar.
My mother's family alone was 80 people. My friends and coworkers were about 50. Our immediate families were 25. My dad's side was another dozen or two. DH'S friends and his parents ' friends were another dozen. My parents had friends, and the were mission volunteers who were there when we met.

We were inclusive. We includes a guest for all singles and all family kids.

My parents contributed $23,000. I paid for the rest. DH and his parents could not afford to pay, so they didn't. DH already owned a tuxedo. I paid for all hotel rooms for his family.

I saved money by allowing a friend to prepare the flowers, which I bought from the NYC flower district wholesale. I kept a spreadsheet of all expenses and was aware of all of the costs.

It was kind of a going away party for me, too, since I was quitting my job to move 1300 miles to be with DH.

I was also aware that the only thing that really mattered was that I wind up married to the right guy by the time it all was over.

I do not believe that the cost of the wedding has anything to do with the value of the marriage.

DH and I hit 11 years married last May, and decades more are currently likely.