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So it has been a while now that I have been single again. After the prompting of some friends I decided to try dating internationally.
The rationale is that, because of my quirks, I stand a better chance of finding someone who fits right in with me if I take my romance global.
Anyway, thoughts on this?
I know it does not seem simple or minimalist, but it is an idea. Obviously technology and flight tickets make this kind of courtship possible.
Which country would you like to move to?
Ha! Canada would be nice. But I am also open to other nations or to having her (whoever she might be) move to the US to be with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chicken lady
What are your "quirks" that eliminate you from being with American women? Sure, I guess you can find compliant young lassies desperate to escape their poverty stricken, war torn, countries but are they actually simpatico with you?
I dont think you are a good candidate for a third world bride. You don't want children. You arent involved with yor parents, exactly (although to some people that would be a plus!) so you are not family oriented. You arent religious and would mock anyone keeping a religious home. I will sa,that third world immigrants do demonstrate simplicity in their living, but thats because they have to.
who is this demographic you imagine would work?
I have watched a slew of films about old men, most of them losers, who chase young women so those color my point of view. i just saw one last week about Russian brides and there was an interestng array of experiences in that film. You are not "old" and I doubt that youth is exactly what you are looking for. Educated women of color in poor countries will be likely religious and want children.
I had an employee who was ex military and who said, paraphrasing "I want a wife frm south of the border. American girls are too consumeristic and greedy." He wanted a traditional wife who wouldnt dump him and take off with his his children. While that was a bit simplistic of him, I did understand his shopping list.
What is your shopping list? What part of the world supplies that?
My son wasn't trying to date internationally but 10 years ago he met a woman from Poland. They dated for 3 years. Lots of $ spent on plane tickets. She was not able to get a work or travel visa to come here. After 3 years they decided to get married so got a fiancee visa and once she got here they had to be married within 90 days. He saved all the plane stubs, etc through the years because he knew the instant he met her he wanted to marry her. He needed to be able to prove that this was a real relationship. I was shocked because he was a confirmed bachelor at 33. They have a great marriage and are very happy. She is a wonderful DIL too. So it could all work out great:))
I am open to dating American women. This is not so much about the woman being or not being American. It is more about finding another rare bird.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
I appreciate you sharing this opinion. But I think maybe you are essentializing women too much. Women in other nations are not a monolith.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
Well, there might be some rare birds in any nation or culture. I buck a lot of American cultural trends, so perhaps there are women in other nations who buck their trends.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
I'd only want to date women roughly my age or older, up to say... I dunno... 57. So up to 20 years older than me.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
How did that work out for him?Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
I'd like someone who is not religious, does not want kids, and lives simply.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
Be real careful. I think there's a lot of "international dating" that is cover for sex trafficking.
Cool story! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
Uh... I am not paying anyone for anything. I am looking for a life partner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tybee
Also lots o international women looking for American citizenship by marrying a citizen.
Your rationale doesnt compute, in my mind anyway.
Your reqirements of
1) not religious
2) likes simplicity
3) doesnt want children
are entirely reasonable to find in this country. How does going overseas increase your chances, other than the obvious facts of simply more bodies being available? Columbus has a big population and it is impossible for me to believe no one fits with you. But if you have exhausted that population, ok. move on to more crunchy places WITHOUT going all the way over an ocean. Overseas dating is very expensive, so try long distance meetips with women at least on your continent.
And yes, I cant accurately characterize women from one part of the world, very true.
About the children thing, what about women who have grown children out of the house? You are reaching an age where they would be in your age range. There are lots of them.
I think, am not sure, that my employee married an Hispanic girl. He had an Hispanic last name so perhaps he was more culturally Hispanic than I was aware.
If your basic requirements are not religious, doesn't want kids, lives simply, I don't think you need to go international just yet.
However, you may need to expand your search throughout the US.
And practice patience. You have a very specific list. While there are many women who would fit your requirements in the US, you need to figure out a way to meet them, and then get to know them. And that will take time.
You might try the West Coast of the US. Not everyone, obviously, but I do think the general trend on the West Coast is more about nature and living simply than in the big cities of the East Coast (although there are pockets of simplicity there, too).
And there's the old conundrum. You meet someone who checks off every box on your list. Perfectly nice person. And the two of you just don't click romantically. It happens.
To me, it would make more sense to explore other parts of the US before dealing with language barriers, the possibility the woman really only wants to get to the US, the travel involved, etc.
Do you think that a woman could be looking for a life partner and US citizenship in equal measure?Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkytoe
Really? Would you like me to tell you some stories about my dating history? I've love to!Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
This is the crux of it -- larger population to draw from.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
Again, I am more than happy to tell you about my dating experiences.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
You want me to move to another state to try to meet someone? That is expensive too and it requires assuming a great deal of risk (leaving my job, finding another job, going there to explore to see if the town or city is suitable, etc.). That ain't cheap!
Why are there lots of them? Why are they single? But yes, I am open to dating women who have kids that are all launched.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
I literally married the girl next door, so I can't offer much on logistics. I see nothing wrong with expanding the universe of possibilities, especially for a statistical outlier.
I take this post to mean you only eat what food you can get locally grown and free, since your not paying anyone for anything. So why would you try to be in a hurry to find one, out of a group that is targeted/marketed to as become a US citizen?Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler
Not out of the fish pond they are talking to you about. If you were going to go that route, I expect you have already tried online dating? You sound as desperate as a guy I knew that lived in a laundromat and wanted to marry a woman, so he could get laid and she could take care of him. Desperation isn't an attractive trait. Probably when you would stop looking, you might find someone, although I doubt perfection exists.Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler
In the last year, I was hit on by a gal I was always attracted to (friends ex wife), but I know we want different things (she is currently dating the sheriff) and in the last six months, a 24 year old that I watched grow up, that wanted me to be the father of her kids (I hit on her mother years ago). From your posts here, you both desperate and critical, and neither are things are attractive to someone who isn't from an abusive home.
Several years ago a fellow at work tried his hand at international romance. He was in his mid 40's at the time, financially comfortable yet socially awkward. He had never been married, never had a serious girlfriend yet wanted a relationship badly. Somehow he got hooked up online with a woman in the Philippines and began a 6 month or so long distance courtship which eventually advanced to the point he asked her to come to the US and marry him. He sent her $3500 for travel expenses.....and she disappeared!
ULA..........I think you should forget that idea. No matter where you are, there you are. I don't think looking to another continent is going to help. Just keep trying where you are. Would counseling help you with some of your problems? Sometimes it really helps to get a different perspective of our behavior.
I think this was the kind of scam I had in mind when I advised caution. I have heard of this happening, too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan
I know someone who got a "mail order bride" from the Philippines, and she's more like a servant.
It worked for The Donald...
Yeah, but President Obama's mom had a couple of bad experiences.Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneV2.0
Another aspect of the human trafficking conundrum. Something else to think about.Quote:
Originally Posted by CathyA
What other countries have you spent extensive time in? What other languages do you speak?
UA, have you thought about the ancillary consequences of this? If you've given up on finding a good match out of a population of roughly 320,000,000 people, what happens if you still can't find a good match in an expanded pool of 7,000,000,000 or so? That can't be good for your self esteem.
OP, You might find this helpful in researching international dating; from the organization Human Rights Watch:
https://www.hrw.org/news/2000/02/21/...n-and-children
Well, "international dating" spans a wide range of practices, from purchasing a 3rd-world child bride over the Internet on one extreme to moving to Iceland for several years and participating in the local scene, and deciding to settle down there with someone....Quote:
Originally Posted by Tybee
Youve been on a roll today! Haha.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan
I think you have to look at all the circumstances, etc. A friend of ours was using a dating site and met a Russian woman online. He was 55 and she was 20 years younger and beautiful, thin, etc. She had 2 teenagers. He was old, bald, etc. It did not take a rocket scientist to figure out that she wanted to come to the states. After 5 years she left him and could stay in the states. Now my son met a professional woman who did not want to come to the states. Falling in love with him cost her the profession because she can't teach here. She speaks 5 languages. They dated in person for 3 years and were able to live together for up to a month at a time to determine if it was real. 10 years later they are still madly in love. Neither want kids. He is not religious but turned Catholic for her so they could get married in a Catholic church in Poland which was important to her and her family. It took a year of going to classes here etc to be eligible. So they both did things to make the other happy.
Fair warning: I am going to do some serial posting on here. But there is just too much good stuff not to respond to it individually. haha
Okay, friend, I can assure you I am not as desperate as your friend from the laundromat. LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff
While I may feel uh...physically desperate on Saturday nights, I am not in a huge rush. If I were, then I were just date someone very close by who was not really my type or what I am looking for. Besides, I actually have two long-time female friends who have invited me to roll in the hay with them any time I please. Both are nice enough gals and one was a friend-with-benefits from college. But I don't know that this is what I am really looking for as a middle aged man.
I am glad to hear you are getting hit on by all these ladies! Sincere best wishes!
I appreciate you sharing this cautionary tale. I would not wire someone a huge sum of dinero.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan
CathyA, if you had been through the total wackiness that I have been dating here in Columbus, you'd look elsewhere too! LOL Want me to share some stories?Quote:
Originally Posted by CathyA
You mention some of my "problems." Please tell me what problems of mine you are referring to. ;)
A little more detail on this story would be helpful.Quote:
Originally Posted by CathyA
But... here is the deal with me: I clean up after myself (not that there is much to clean). I do my own dang laundry. I work for my own unremarkable living. I pay my bills. I take care of Harlan -- walk him, feed him, take him to the vet, etc. I am not looking for a servant, I am looking for a partner in life -- someone whose quirks compliment my own.
Not everyone in developing countries is being trafficked. This is some kind of paranoia. I know that human trafficking is a real thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tybee
But most people in the third-world are just working folks, people with fairly regular aspirations, people with their own ideas and goals and plans and values.
I studied abroad in Costa Rica in college. I lived with a Spanish speaking family. Hablo un poco de Espanol.Quote:
Originally Posted by bae
Eu falo um poc do Portugues tambem.
But really, I only know English. I'd be willing to learn whatever language my potential partner spoke. That could be a good bonding experience and be fun too.
LOL! At that point I'll become a Buddhist monk!Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan
Yes, share the stories! Convince us!Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler
Why not go to something like this (domestic, but still you'd be meeting people from diff parts of the country):
https://www.atheists.org/eclipse
looks fun!
Maybe, but one of those produced an outstanding son and citizen of the world: all in all, not bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan
I wish my "bad experiences" had been so salubrious. :~)
Well, it's all the problems you've been talking about......your unhappiness. I wasn't being insulting, if that's how you took it. Talking to a therapist can be very enlightening, if we seem to be stuck in certain patterns of behavior that don't lead to a bit of happiness and don't seem to be working for us.Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler