Disengaged.

I have found myself disengaged. By this I mean:

-I don't have serious political discussions. I feel like things are bad and only getting worse.

-I don't live a "green" life or do any of that silly sustainability stuff. Climate change is a juggernaut we can no longer hope to stop.

-Personal friends and acquaintances I see heading for pitfalls in life... I don't say anything to them. They'd probably resent me for it anyway.

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.

-I dropped my social work classes and took a formal leave of absence because I am just hopeless about it all.

This is my strategy. I am just disengaging from as much of this culture as possible.

Thoughts?

I Think you sound clinically depressed and I think you should go talk to a physician and get some blood work.

it is also possible that you are depressed because (your) life is depressing.

and atheism is hard - no matter what you do, you die. Game over. This is why people like religion so much. It's comforting to believe you can win.

aside from the physician, a counselor might be good. If you have a counselor you should perhaps examine why the relationship isn't helping.

Ay Carumba! As one of the more cynically realistic long term posters here, my advice is to find a way to care somehow. Seriously. I have a hard time waking up and dealing with this country every day as I saw it for what it truly is many, many, many years ago - still I get up, I make an effort, I protest, I light candles, I send off letters to the editor of Borderland newspapers, I try to encourage young people in the 85006 to immigrate to Canada - I do what I can. To not try or to not care is to admit defeat and to let powers that don't care about human life or human dignity to win. I can't do that - human life and human dignity mean more than that to me.

My advice? Find something that soothes and fills your soul. For me it would be the love I have managed to find with my partner and my renewed faith - for you it could very well be something else. Get your soul filled - and then find something you find absolutely repulsive - in modern day America this is not hard at all - and fight and fight and fight and fight. At least you know you tried and didn't roll over and play a victim for corporate profit and you know you did some independent thinking of your own - how many people can truly say that these days? Rob

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Originally Posted by Chicken lady

I Think you sound clinically depressed and I think you should go talk to a physician and get some blood work.

it is also possible that you are depressed because (your) life is depressing.

and atheism is hard - no matter what you do, you die. Game over. This is why people like religion so much. It's comforting to believe you can win.

aside from the physician, a counselor might be good. If you have a counselor you should perhaps examine why the relationship isn't helping.

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I don't feel that sad, really.

And death is not a worry of mine (suffering sure is though!).

Why bloodwork?

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

Why bloodwork?

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Thyroid, Vitamin D, testosterone, ...

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Originally Posted by gimmethesimplelife

Ay Carumba! As one of the more cynically realistic long term posters here, my advice is to find a way to care somehow. Seriously. I have a hard time waking up and dealing with this country every day as I saw it for what it truly is many, many, many years ago - still I get up, I make an effort, I protest, I light candles, I send off letters to the editor of Borderland newspapers, I try to encourage young people in the 85006 to immigrate to Canada - I do what I can. To not try or to not care is to admit defeat and to let powers that don't care about human life or human dignity to win. I can't do that - human life and human dignity mean more than that to me.

My advice? Find something that soothes and fills your soul. For me it would be the love I have managed to find with my partner and my renewed faith - for you it could very well be something else. Get your soul filled - and then find something you find absolutely repulsive - in modern day America this is not hard at all - and fight and fight and fight and fight. At least you know you tried and didn't roll over and play a victim for corporate profit and you know you did some independent thinking of your own - how many people can truly say that these days? Rob

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Is re-engaging really the only path?

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Originally Posted by bae

Thyroid, Vitamin D, testosterone, ...

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My mom had Grave's Disease. I have had a D deficiency in the past (but I do take lots of D consistently. As for T, I dunno. I had it tested about 10 years ago -- "normal ranges."

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

Is re-engaging really the only path?

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Fair question.

I look around me at all the misery and injustice in the world and my take is that it's up to me as an adult human being to at least try to do something positive about it.

I guess you could say something along the lines of "This is the Human Condition, deal' - but my take is to do so without offering resistance is to be guilty of whatever injustice is at hand yourself. I don't personally want to go through life that way, so for me, and YMMV, re-engaging is how I would go.

But I'd also say taking some time out for yourself to recharge and find a bedrock to ground yourself in and to believe in would be a good thing, too......Rob

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I don't feel that sad, really.

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Several people I've known with depression didn't feel sad. They just didn't feel anything.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.


Thoughts?

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Acceptance and detachment - there's a religion for that.

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Originally Posted by Yppej

Acceptance and detachment - there's a religion for that.

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Buddhism? Rob

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Originally Posted by Yppej

Acceptance and detachment - there's a religion for that.

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Apatheism?

Chiming in on "depressed doesn't mean sad."

This is going to sound really snarky but it is not intended that way. Self-centredness is very hard work to maintain. When I feel somewhat detached I make a point of going out and seeing what I can do to give some joy or positive feedback or simply a smile to someone.
Everywhere I go now, I usually find one, often more, to greet and see how their day is going. Almost all respond and now make a point of greeting me. If they haven't seen me for a while because I take a different route or walk the trail, they start wondering if something happened to me.

Most people are needing some attention or an ear even for a few minutes. This is all ages, young and old. My neighbourhood is mixed with young and established families. Teens will talk lightly or wave from a distance, little ones learning to ride their bikes, retirees walking.

It is not about me but how valuable others are and especially if they need a reminder. Everyone has a story - some have lost their partner, their child, their job, sense of purpose, everything that affirms and validates their worth as human beings. I try to give what I am able to do without intrusion into their life with care to ensure boundaries in mine.

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Originally Posted by razz

This is going to sound really snarky but it is not intended that way. Self-centredness is very hard work to maintain. When I feel somewhat detached I make a point of going out and seeing what I can do to give some joy or positive feedback or simply a smile to someone.
Everywhere I go now, I usually find one, often more, to greet and see how their day is going. Almost all respond and now make a point of greeting me. If they haven't seen me for a while because I take a different route or walk the trail, they start wondering if something happened to me.

Most people are needing some attention or an ear even for a few minutes. This is all ages, young and old. My neighbourhood is mixed with young and established families. Teens will talk lightly or wave from a distance, little ones learning to ride their bikes, retirees walking.

It is not about me but how valuable others are and especially if they need a reminder. Everyone has a story - some have lost their partner, their child, their job, sense of purpose, everything that affirms and validates their worth as human beings. I try to give what I am able to do without intrusion into their life with care to ensure boundaries in mine.

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I advocate for my coworkers at work -- tell leadership how great so-and-so is at this or that. I also joke around with them and support them too. One lost her dog recently, I bought a card for her and got everyone to sign it. I also initiate much of our social activity at work.

I volunteer with the atheist community here. Just last Sunday I led a canoe trip.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I advocate for my coworkers at work -- tell leadership how great so-and-so is at this or that. I also joke around with them and support them too. One lost her dog recently, I bought a card for her and got everyone to sign it. I also initiate much of our social activity at work.

I volunteer with the atheist community here. Just last Sunday I led a canoe trip.

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So are you mainly helping people in similar circumstances rather than the less fortunate? And do you think shifting to the latter would be more rewarding?

What you wrote doesn't actually bother me – you sound like you're just accepting the realities of life.

I believe that getting up and going and being engaged in life.....different things are going to work for different people as we are not all motivated by the same carrot. For me, as the regulars here by now know, activism really helps me maintain my edge and keeps me engaged and caring about the world. Maybe some advice would be...what motivates you on your time? Not on your employer's time, but on your time? What energizes you when you don't have to play a role for cash flow? Maybe if you follow that more that would help with being engaged? Just an idea......Rob

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Originally Posted by Tammy

What you wrote doesn't actually bother me – you sound like you're just accepting the realities of life.

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True, a lot of the realities of life bite, but....keeping engaged with life as much we can....doesn't it seem like this is a good idea for the short bit of time we are present in this life? Just my take.....but then life has always been intense for me, even as an introvert, and I haven't lacked for injustice to get riled up about and to be engaged over......Rob

So, if you are running canoe trips, you are not "disengaged" if the canoe trips no longer give you any enjoyment or satisfaction - that is a concern.

if you mean you have just decided to become apolitical. Ok. People live heir whole lives quite happily disengaged from politics. And clearly, most of them don't care about the environment.

so, you do you.

If you had a bigger boat than a canoe you could be rescuing people in Texas. The people doing that seem to find it very fulfilling.

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if you mean you have just decided to become apolitical. Ok. People live heir whole lives quite happily disengaged from politics.

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yea apolitical is one thing, depressed another, I couldn't possibly say which it is, I mean if there is hope day to day for small things in life (groups one is leading etc.) I'm not sure it's all that depressed (but I run a bit depressive so I might not be the one to ask...).

Apolitical is neither globally good nor bad, I mean in theory it's bad, because in theory we should want to have an impact on our community etc.. but in reality if it gets to the point where one doesn't see much possibility of that anyway, there is no point continuing to depressively brood about politics while NOT doing much anyway (to still vote when the chance comes - yes that's still fine and somewhat worthwhile IMO - but only takes so long).

OTOH it occurred to me: is it really truly apathy and detachment (and unwillingness to hear any more news in the age of Trump - which I really regard as completely normal btw :)) or do you still actually care a great deal and you are trying TOO hard to be detached, because it almost reads like the latter.

I just have to ask if it is a problem or not for real? I don't want to assume that something I would be uncomfortable with would be the same for you. And I don't think we need to spend all our time super blissfully happy.

I found that not having hope was really painful for me however. I find a bit of a struggle with Buddhism and the value of hope. I really needed to put some hope in, or at least positive plans that I was not super clingy attached to, because it was getting just to be too much low-mood. If you are fine then just be fine, but then I wonder what you are asking. Do you think you 'should' be another way?

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I have found myself disengaged. By this I mean:

-I don't have serious political discussions. I feel like things are bad and only getting worse.

-I don't live a "green" life or do any of that silly sustainability stuff. Climate change is a juggernaut we can no longer hope to stop.

-Personal friends and acquaintances I see heading for pitfalls in life... I don't say anything to them. They'd probably resent me for it anyway.

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.

-I dropped my social work classes and took a formal leave of absence because I am just hopeless about it all.

This is my strategy. I am just disengaging from as much of this culture as possible.

Thoughts?

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Will you resent us for it anyway? You don't see changing others? This smacks of reality that you can only change you. Everyone can only change themselves as they have to want to change. Otherwise your changing them under duress (mind control, abuse, etc).
How will a "leave of absence" affect your student loans? Will you be looking to see what else is out there for careers?

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Originally Posted by gimmethesimplelife

Ay Carumba! As one of the more cynically realistic
Rob

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:laff: I could fill this post with smiley's from how this made me laugh. I've read what you consider reality and find it similar to a child believing in Santa.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I advocate for my coworkers at work -- tell leadership how great so-and-so is at this or that. I also joke around with them and support them too. One lost her dog recently, I bought a card for her and got everyone to sign it. I also initiate much of our social activity at work.

I volunteer with the atheist community here. Just last Sunday I led a canoe trip.

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Do others at work really want to be social, or do they want to get work done, go home to their families and friends and do things they enjoy?
The best leaders IMHE, don't need to lead.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I have found myself disengaged. By this I mean:

-I don't have serious political discussions. I feel like things are bad and only getting worse.

-I don't live a "green" life or do any of that silly sustainability stuff. Climate change is a juggernaut we can no longer hope to stop.

-Personal friends and acquaintances I see heading for pitfalls in life... I don't say anything to them. They'd probably resent me for it anyway.

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.

-I dropped my social work classes and took a formal leave of absence because I am just hopeless about it all.

This is my strategy. I am just disengaging from as much of this culture as possible.

Thoughts?

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While I won’t quite talking about my spiritual beliefs, I too have quit talking about politics. Jesus said to pray thy kingdom come, not thy political part come. I don’t believe the answer lies with man.

I don’t intentionally live a green life, it happens. I bike to work because it brings me joy. It also keeps me from driving my truck that gets 12 mpg. I conserve water by using a spray bottle to clean out my razor while shaving and taking quick showers.

I have close family members that are making what I believe to be bad choices. So I live my life as the best example I can and pray for them often that they would be safe and decide to change there ways. It could happen, I changed my ways.

You never know what little thing you do will have ripple effects. Hold a door for someone. Push someones car out of a snow bank. Love travels.
Maybe God is letting you hit rock bottom so you will look up. I hope the best for you. Sorry I will shut up now. PS go take a bike ride.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I have found myself disengaged. By this I mean:

-I don't have serious political discussions. I feel like things are bad and only getting worse.

-I don't live a "green" life or do any of that silly sustainability stuff. Climate change is a juggernaut we can no longer hope to stop.

-Personal friends and acquaintances I see heading for pitfalls in life... I don't say anything to them. They'd probably resent me for it anyway.

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.

-I dropped my social work classes and took a formal leave of absence because I am just hopeless about it all.

This is my strategy. I am just disengaging from as much of this culture as possible.

Thoughts?

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whats the problem?

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Originally Posted by Tammy

What you wrote doesn't actually bother me – you sound like you're just accepting the realities of life.

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Accepting the realities of life is kind of a new thing for me.

Oh, well, in that case happy adulthood!

and no wonder you sound drepressed.

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Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff

Will you resent us for it anyway? You don't see changing others? This smacks of reality that you can only change you. Everyone can only change themselves as they have to want to change. Otherwise your changing them under duress (mind control, abuse, etc).
How will a "leave of absence" affect your student loans? Will you be looking to see what else is out there for careers?



:laff: I could fill this post with smiley's from how this made me laugh. I've read what you consider reality and find it similar to a child believing in Santa.


Do others at work really want to be social, or do they want to get work done, go home to their families and friends and do things they enjoy?
The best leaders IMHE, don't need to lead.

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My leave of absence does not effect my student loans. I am a public employee on the Public Employee Loan Forgiveness Plan. My classes I was taking in social work were free because I am an employee of the university.

My coworkers do appear to want to be social. For instance, every day I will send out an email asking if the want to go to the cafe a very short walk from our workplace. Most days they all want to go. Occasionally someone will take a pass on it because they have a tight deadline.

I also have done experiments where I don't ask anyone. They inevitably come to my cube and say: "Are we going to the cafe?"

I am not really a leader at work. I advocate for my colleagues because they would otherwise have no one but themselves doing so. Not that it does any real good...
I have actually decided to not advocate for them anymore. Though one recently asked me to put in a good word for her with a certain person in leadership who I have historically been quite candid with.

What will you do while on leave?

"... A new thing for me ...)

Yeah! That's a good change then! 😄

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Originally Posted by pinkytoe

What will you do while on leave?

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He means leave from his graduate program. He still has a job to go to every day, although your question still has relevance.

My take on UL's situation is that he is looking for a passion to fuel his life. Since fishing went by the wayside, he's got nothing. That is too bad, I dont know what to do about that. Seeking out your passion in life is important.

I am at a bit of a crossroads right now, mentioned in earlier thread about buying out of town real estate. I kinda have a passion and a filled up life April-July ( prime gardening season) but still need other activities to round out life and make it richer especially after gardening season.

For what it's worth, my DW has taken a leave of absence from her work due to exhaustion and clinical depression. She (and I) see it as a time to recover and recharge and to gain some perspective on what comes next. Only a couple of weeks into it, she feels better for not having to meet several deadlines a day, switch continually among dozens of tasks, and attend soul-sucking meetings. She has seen her doctors to rule out new physical issues and her meds have been adjusted. They'll take time to build up in her system, so she does not expect an immediate change but she does expect a positive change.

But this is not just a vacation. It's time for DW to examine what it is about her job and (maybe) her life that depletes her -- or what it is which would recharge her but isn't present now -- and how to change things. It's possible DW won't return to her old job (though she could). She might opt for working at a different agency, with the novelty and different challenges that would offer over the next several years. Or she might go for a lower-level job within her current agency (one she had before and enjoyed). Some of her choice depends on pay and medical coverage and location. She likely won't get her preferred choice for all of them. I may end up getting a McJob to cover some expenses, though that alters DW's work-life balance as well. So which aspects are most important? Time to decide that, outside of the day-to-day that makes it so easy to push contemplation and reflection off the table.

Ultralight, I agree with the others that you should see a doctor to rule out medical issues contributing to your feeling of disengagement. But I might also suggest talking with a career counselor or even a creditable life coach who could draw from you what you value and what brings you happiness and how you might be able to get that out of a job. What I've read in your posts over the past few months indicates that you're casting about for something but you haven't found it yet. Maybe it's time to see if someone else can help you find it. Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is, well, it's not going to work. JMHO.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I have found myself disengaged. By this I mean:

-I don't have serious political discussions. I feel like things are bad and only getting worse.

-I don't live a "green" life or do any of that silly sustainability stuff. Climate change is a juggernaut we can no longer hope to stop.

-Personal friends and acquaintances I see heading for pitfalls in life... I don't say anything to them. They'd probably resent me for it anyway.

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.

-I dropped my social work classes and took a formal leave of absence because I am just hopeless about it all.

This is my strategy. I am just disengaging from as much of this culture as possible.

Thoughts?

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What are you actually thinking? A sort of atheist version of the "Benedict Option", where you retreat, regroup and re-engage? Or a more or less permanent hedgehog strategy?

You seem to be despairing over a lack of perceptible impact. Here's the thing: apart from a relative few individuals like Alexander the Great or Philo T. Farnsworth, that applies to most of us. We bang away our whole lives, and can't tell if we moved the needle or not. Me, I'll take vain hope and cheerful futility over craven surrender any time. A man who can laugh at his own pretensions will always have reason to smile.

OK, I have to say this. Isn't life a joy to be savoured? Has the dark melodrama on the media taken the zest for life and its little miracles away?
I love my flowers! I watch a little puppy dancing and chuckle.
I was standing still and watching a truck pick up a large garbage bin from a property. As I was admiring the care of the driver, the smooth operation of the cable pulling it onto the truck base and the design in balancing the weight of the bin and the stability of the truck, a married mid-aged couple walked by. They looked at me, looked at the bin and then back at me with a puzzled look on their faces. I told them that I was admiring the whole design process to make such things possible for both consumers and the service providers. They laughed at me at first, then got quiet and continued their walk. Next time we met, I was gently teased about my interest in mechanical things.
i see them regularly now and they always stop to talk, sharing about something.
There is so much good going on. Don't lose sight of that and celebrate it! Stepping off my podium now:)

I noticed that you no longer seem to be interested in things that are involved in changing external circumstances that are seen in some way as riddled with problems, e.g. the environment, social and political injustice, mistakes you see friends making, etc.

Some people are naturally oriented towards righting wrongs. Others are what I call "gap fillers," filling a need where there is one, or even filling a need where no one realized there was in the first place. Some do this through creative artistic work, others by building businesses, others by creating human or rescue animal families, and so on.

You seem like an intelligent, goal-directed man who genuinely feels driven to live your life actively, meaningfully and with purpose. Perhaps you could spend your time asking yourself the question, "If I had to create something, what would it be, and why? How would I do it?" Maybe that would help re-orient your thoughts--if that's what you want.

Did you take a leave of absence from your job? What does that do to your loan repayment plan?

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Originally Posted by Float On

Did you take a leave of absence from your job? What does that do to your loan repayment plan?

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No, leave of absence from the social work program. So if I want to go back I don't have to reapply.

They'd not allow me to take one from my job. The give too few F*&%$s for that. haha

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Originally Posted by pinkytoe

What will you do while on leave?

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I am going to take this semester off to reflect. Next semester I might take a couple classes in other fields to see if they are of interest.

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Originally Posted by Ultralight

I have found myself disengaged. By this I mean:

-I don't have serious political discussions. I feel like things are bad and only getting worse.

-I don't live a "green" life or do any of that silly sustainability stuff. Climate change is a juggernaut we can no longer hope to stop.

-Personal friends and acquaintances I see heading for pitfalls in life... I don't say anything to them. They'd probably resent me for it anyway.

-I don't see the possibility of making any changes to my community, society, the nation, or the world.

-I dropped my social work classes and took a formal leave of absence because I am just hopeless about it all.

This is my strategy. I am just disengaging from as much of this culture as possible.

Thoughts?

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I agree with you. Disengaged means not having control of your life... or things out of your control as you described above. I am struggling with this as well. I am trying to be more positive and go out of my way looking for things to feel good about. It is difficult with the constant political drama, hurricanes, wildfires (global climate change) etc. The thing that has helped somewhat for me is to try to find something to look forward to. I have been avidly planning and going on small "adventures". That is traveling to places nearby, perusing visitor guides and doing things outside my normal realm. I am leaving next week for a trip to Alaska. I am excited and have been looking forward to this trip for quite a while. You mentioned you enjoyed your recent trip. Perhaps you should do a small adventure as well .... something to look forward to? It may help dispel hopelessness?