Fellow Parishioner Won't Wear Mask

My church does not have a vaccine requirement, but we do require that everyone wear a mask and distance.

We are located in a major metro area where there is a high rate of transmission now with Omicron.

Everyone cooperates *except one parishioner* who from the beginning has refused to keep her mask on. The pastor has written to her and spoken to her personally repeatedly. The ushers have spoken to her repeatedly. She just plain refuses.

I have communicated my extreme distress about this to the pastor and he's been sympathetic but he says he can't do any more than what he is already doing -- frequent reminders which she ignores. He is not going to tell her to stop attending church.

For a while I tried to just ignore and not look at her, but with the surging numbers now I find it terribly upsetting that this person, who is a longtime member is behaving this way. To me, this is not only risky, it is a sign of blatant disrespect towards the rest of the parish.

Complaining accomplishes exactly nothing. I'm actually thinking I would be better off just not attending for a few months or possibly as a permanent decision. I've been a member for 25 years, so this really hurts. I feel that effectively I am being pushed out of this parish.

I'm going to respectfully ask that people on these Boards who don't think masking is effective or important refrain from responding.

If members who do support the importance of masking have advice or insight I would welcome it.

This pandemic has really hurt communities.

Vote with your donations. Make it clear no more money until she’s no longer in church without a mask.

No one shows up at mine without a mask. She would be told to leave and physically escorted out if she refused to wear a mask at my parish.

Has your pastor said why he refuses to forbid her to attend?

I don’t know which denomination you belong to. Is there local/regional leadership you can kick the issue upstairs to?

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Originally Posted by Rachel

I have communicated my extreme distress about this to the pastor and he's been sympathetic but he says he can't do any more than what he is already doing -- frequent reminders which she ignores. He is not going to tell her to stop attending church.

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Why not? I actually had a family member told they could not continue to attend church because of their behavior (sad to say).

So, you have two options, since your pastor would rather put that one parishioner before the wishes of the congregation. You can stay at home and watch streamed services, if they are offered, and let the pastor know why you are doing that. Or you can make sure you don't sit near that person and try to detach from their behavior. Enjoy the service anyway, sitting with others who are complying with wearing masks.

How many attend services?

How long is the service?

Is the current recommendation to mask and distance oneself if contact is for longer than fifteen minutes within six feet, and within one hour when in the same room even if six foot spaced? I looked for a link and found nothing current, so apologies if not the standard at this time.

I think what Catherine says is your only option. Ultimately, you can only be responsible for you and your family if the pastor will do nothing.

Organize your fellow parishioners and force change.

Are the unmasked the modern equivalent of lepers? I think the pastor is probably thinking, 'What would Jesus do?'.

I have a friend who refuses vaccine and mask. I struggled with this approach and finally realized that she is not living the 'Golden Rule' while professing allegiance to the church, its goals and its activities.

Keep it simple. If she won't follow something as basic as the Golden Rule, is she an asset to the church or a liability?

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Originally Posted by bae

Organize your fellow parishioners and force change.

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Agreed. Why does this woman get a pass?

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Originally Posted by Alan

Are the unmasked the modern equivalent of lepers? .

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No. Leprosy is not nearly as contagious as Covid-19.

As someone else mentioned, I would actually ask the pastor why he is putting this one person ahead of the rest of his congregation. With that knowledge in hand, I agree with what others have suggested or simply not attending at all until YOU are comfortable doing so.

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Originally Posted by Alan

I think the pastor is probably thinking, 'What would Jesus do?'.

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I seem to recall reading in the bible that Jesus threw his share of individuals out of places of worship.

I can't comment on specifics, but aren't there people who believe that their fate is in the hands of a higher power and not the rules of man, so would not be a violation of the Golden Rule, but a reaffirmation of faith? I've heard of such things.

Isn't it common for many or most religious services to be streamed to those who are home bound these days. That would seem like an option for the mask less. I would find the practice of allowing a mask less person in a large indoor setting to be very unacceptable and would probably not attend. And would let the pastor know why. Another option might be requiring a recent negative test?

Like so many other issues these days, it seems not to be about loving thy neighbour but a power trip for the person who prioritizes his/her individual viewpoint rather than considering and benefiting the wellbeing of the others in the same surroundings.

I am surprised that your church requires everyone wear a mask. Most places have an exception for those who cannot wear a mask for medical reasons (which could be the case with this individual and the pastor is not violating her medical confidentiality by disclosing this to you), as well as for those below a certain age. Are babies masked at your church?

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Originally Posted by razz

Like so many other issues these days, it seems not to be about loving thy neighbour but a power trip for the person who prioritizes his/her individual viewpoint rather than considering and benefiting the wellbeing of the others in the same surroundings.

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So true. I agree.

Even if this self-involved person doesn't infect anyone else, they are clearly making others in the congregation uncomfortable and probably causing not a little concern. I'd explain to your pastor that you'll be staying home for the duration. Bae's advice is also sound.

Reminds me of my mentally ill son saying I don't care about him if I don't let him micromanage me because that means I don't care about his (mental) health. Experts including Dr. Scott Gottlieb today on Face the Nation today are increasingly saying cloth masks don't provide any protection but if people don't wear any old mask they are termed selfish and worse, not based on science, but on making irrationally nervous people uncomfortable. If the parish mandated N95 or KN95 masks someone could make the case that they are legitimately concerned about noncompliance, but the other masks are just window dressing.

Thank you for the thoughtful replies. I appreciate what everyone has said. It is an hour and a half long service and my options for separation and distancing are limited.

The pastor has not explicitly said why he feels he can't exert any control over this person, but my guess is that he does not see any way to do this without literal physical force.

I think that for now I need to be somewhere else on Sunday mornings, and yes, I expect I will suspend my financial support given that this does not feel like an atmosphere of respect and courtesy.

Thank you for reading my post and replying and good wishes to everyone.

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Originally Posted by Rachel

Thank you for the thoughtful replies. I appreciate what everyone has said. It is an hour and a half long service and my options for separation and distancing are limited.

The pastor has not explicitly said why he feels he can't exert any control over this person, but my guess is that he does not see any way to do this without literal physical force.


I think that for now I need to be somewhere else on Sunday mornings, and yes, I expect I will suspend my financial support given that this does not feel like an atmosphere of respect and courtesy.

Thank you for reading my post and replying and good wishes to everyone.

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Your response sounds reasonable to me.


I would think that the mask denier would let it be known in the church community that she cannot wear a mask and is taking the health exemption, that is *IF* she is taking a health exemption. People who are sincere in intent wouldn't have to state exactly their health problem. Probably that isn’t the case with her.

My county has a mask mandate in place and I was reading through what would be required for an actual medical exemption. There's not a lot. They say even people with asthma should wear a mask since an infection could be especially serious for them.

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Originally Posted by Rogar

My county has a mask mandate in place and I was reading through what would be required for an actual medical exemption. There's not a lot. They say even people with asthma should wear a mask since an infection could be especially serious for them.

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Nothing like a government bureaucrat telling you they know more about your body than you do. And asthmatics can protect themselves with something that actually works (unlike any old cloth face covering). It's called a vaccine.

Rachel, I agree with IL that your response sounds reasonable, but probably is still hard to leave your place of worship. I hope you find something just as rewarding - or moreso - for your Sundays. And I hope the situation resolves itself sooner rather than later so you can return.

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Originally Posted by Yppej

Nothing like a government bureaucrat telling you they know more about your body than you do. And asthmatics can protect themselves with something that actually works (unlike any old cloth face covering). It's called a vaccine.

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The asthmatic wearing a mask doesn’t protect the asthmatic so much as protect those around the asthmatic. Or so we were taught. Drilled, actually. We wear the mask to stop our own airborne particles from being emitted.

I support those who have health problems from a mask not wearing a mask.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

The asthmatic wearing a mask doesn’t protect the asthmatic so much as protect those around the asthmatic. Or so we were taught. Drilled, actually. We wear the mask to stop our own airborne particles from being emitted.

I support those who have health problems from a mask not wearing a mask.

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The issue becomes, what health problems prevent wearing a mask, based on medical authorities rather than opinion or governments. The majority of mask exception applications for my county were denied and they say people were mostly making stuff up for they didn't have to wear them. The current recommendation is KN95 or N95 masks.

"We've known for some time that masks help prevent people from spreading the coronavirus to others. Based on an analysis of existing information, a new study contends that masks may also protect mask wearers from becoming infected themselves."

https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/preventing-the-spread-of-the-coronavirus

She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she is putting her fellow parishioners at risk by her behavior, particularly with the variants so active now. She may not believe this (obviously she doesn't) so I think the church (pastor) must make it a policy that no one is able to enter unmasked. NO one. This should be communicated before Sunday, and if she arrives unmasked, remind her of the policy, offer her a disposable mask, and if she refuses, she must be turned away. She's been enabled so far, so with the new variants, the church (pastor) should come out with a new, stronger message that NO one will be admitted without a mask.

Most churches nowadays have a number of members who are at risk having underlying issues or are elderly. She would have to be very selfish to not honor their safety.

If NO ONE unmasked can enter, what about babies and young children?

At my parents church those with health risks stay home and watch livestream. There is an active program in person for children of all ages.

The parishioner who maintains they can't wear a mask (a very rare situation, according to many medical professionals) should be the one who stays home with their "medical condition."

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Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

The parishioner who maintains they can't wear a mask (a very rare situation, according to many medical professionals) should be the one who stays home with their "medical condition."

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Should the babies all stay home too since they don't wear masks? Should church be a gerontocracy?

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Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

The parishioner who maintains they can't wear a mask (a very rare situation, according to many medical professionals) should be the one who stays home with their "medical condition."

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I understand that some mental health problems can definitely cause issues with mask wearing, perhaps the pastor could direct such people to the appropriate resources rather than let them endanger the other parishioners.

I was thinking this situation is a little analogous to recovering alcoholics who say they are concerned about their health but rather than stay away from the bars where they could get sick they insist that the bars stop serving alcohol and only serve soft drinks to keep them safe. Rather than mitigate their risks, they make all of society adjust to protect them.

No one has to go to church and no one has to go to a bar.

I guess we haven't learned anything from Prohibition and its unintended consequences.

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Originally Posted by Yppej

Should the babies all stay home too since they don't wear masks? Should church be a gerontocracy?

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I think it’s generally a good idea that babies and small children stay out of most serious social gatherings including church. Haha. That is of course unless church service is boring then sometimes watching the kids is more is interesting. kidding.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

I think it’s generally a good idea that babies and small children stay out of most serious social gatherings including church. Haha. That is of course unless church service is boring then sometimes watching the kids is more is interesting. kidding.

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Kidding or not, there is truth in your words. LOL.

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Originally Posted by happystuff

Rachel, I agree with IL that your response sounds reasonable, but probably is still hard to leave your place of worship. I hope you find something just as rewarding - or moreso - for your Sundays. And I hope the situation resolves itself sooner rather than later so you can return.

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Thanks, Happystuff. Yes, it's a painful situation. This discussion has helped me realize that I need to be pro-active for my own well being and not expect the church leadership or anyone else to do that for me! I will find some place else to be on Sundays. God will be there, wherever that place is.

At court watching the kids can be fun as well. They are the only people happy to be there.

It is true that being religious or living a religious life does not require entry into a church building. Too many let that be their entire religious experience and do not live their professed beliefs. You can practice your choices wherever you are located.

"God will be there, wherever that place is."

Get out in Nature--if God is anywhere, it's there.

Rachel, how are you doing with alternative/new Sunday services? I hope you have found something just as - if not more - rewarding for yourself!