WFH = unrealistic if you lack skills

I’m seeing a lot of the following, but IRL and online:

Older woman, a few years shy of being able to get social security. Long term partner dies. They weren’t married so there’s no chance of any benefits or inheriting anything. Woman had stayed mostly stayed home to raise the kids and then never went back to work. Any work experience is at least 10 years ago, some even longer ago. All minimum wage jobs - retail and the like. They now have to work to support themselves, but they have some health problems which would make retail or the like difficult. Can’t stand all day for example. They have no computer skills and struggle with even sending an email from outlook. No education beyond high school.

They think the magic pill is working from home. However, with no computer skills no one is going to hire them for anything WFH. I tell them to check out computer classes at their library and other free community sources. But I’m also direct and tell them that WFH are for people with computer skills. I feel sorry for them, but I think they’re out of luck.

Staying out of the workforce even after your kids are old enough never seems to be a good idea.

They should go to the unemployment office and get training there for what jobs might be out there. That is a reasonable thing to do.
I have no way of knowing what might or might not work for someone.
You are right about staying out of the workforce, never a good idea for anyone, in my opinion.

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Originally Posted by Tybee

They should go to the unemployment office and get training there for what jobs might be out there. That is a reasonable thing to do.
I have no way of knowing what might or might not work for someone.
You are right about staying out of the workforce, never a good idea for anyone, in my opinion.

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Good idea. I hadn’t thought of that. Will definitely suggest that.

Staying out of the workforce not too smart, but definitely not getting married was her first error.

This assumes the husband had a reasonable income. there are many times when a husband who has even above average income provides better Social Security at half rate than a stay at home mom can get on her own account.

Now I can get on my soapbox, so please allow me to do so :)

I am increasingly annoyed by people who don’t get married and who absolutely do not understand the long-term ramifications of that. Here is Nanny Government funding a program for moms to stay at home with their children by giving them Social Security money from their husband’s account. We taxpayers fund this bullshit, why won’t they take advantage of it?

There are all kinds of marriage advantages, this is not the only one.

I’m not saying that everyone has to get married because everyone does not have to get married. I’m saying people need to be fully apprised of the consequences of their actions when they choose to act like married people but are not married people. There’s all kinds of legalities about it. Dave Ramsey delivers excellent rants about this topic.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

Staying out of the workforce not too smart, but definitely not getting married was her first error.

This assumes the husband had a reasonable income. there are many times when a husband who has even above average income provides better Social Security at half rate than a stay at home mom can get on her own account.

Now I can get on my soapbox, so please allow me to do so :)

I am increasingly annoyed by people who don’t get married and who absolutely do not understand the long-term ramifications of that. Here is Nanny Government funding a program for moms to stay at home with their children by giving them Social Security money from their husband’s account. We taxpayers fund this bullshit, why won’t they take advantage of it?

There are all kinds of marriage advantages, this is not the only one.

I’m not saying that everyone has to get married because everyone does not have to get married. I’m saying people need to be fully apprised of the consequences of their actions when they choose to act like married people but are not married people. There’s all kinds of legalities about it. Dave Ramsey delivers excellent rants about this topic.

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Yes, exactly about the consequences of not getting married. Especially if you are expecting the other person to support you. I know several couples who are long term, not married, but there are no kids involved and they both make good money.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

I’m not saying that everyone has to get married because everyone does not have to get married. I’m saying people need to be fully apprised of the consequences of their actions when they choose to act like married people but are not married people. There’s all kinds of legalities about it. Dave Ramsey delivers excellent rants about this topic.

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Originally Posted by Tradd

Yes, exactly about the consequences of not getting married. Especially if you are expecting the other person to support you. I know several couples who are long term, not married, but there are no kids involved and they both make good money.

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The risks IMHO seem to center on one being supported and having kids.

Knew a few couples with no kids in the mix and both in decent careers so there wasn't as much handwringing from others about the financial downsides of the relationship ending

However I worked with one woman who had 3 kids with her unmarried partner who did not work. Now in that situation is where I heard the handwringing from people. She had a decent career but still by the 3rd kid there were people seriously asking why she was having kids with a unmarried partner, who did not work and was in a financially precarious position because of owing taxes. Seems he had been in business with another partner who skipped out on him leaving him holding the bag for taxes. According to her, if they got married, her income would be subject to the back taxes he owed. OK understood so I guess if true she understood the ramifications of getting married in that case but still having 3 kids with this guy on top of that seemed to me a bit risky. She stayed with him because "he is really a nice guy" but I saw the potential pitfalls as did others. I just hope she understood them.

Too many women still have a Cinderella complex.

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Originally Posted by catherine

Too many women still have a Cinderella complex.

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Unfortunately yes and 3 generations of that thinking in DH's family. MIL, SIL and niece. I was/am the "oddball" who worked, they assumed that it was DH that wasn't making enough and reflected that badly on him, that I might want to make my own money, savings and retirement just did not occur to them.

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Originally Posted by catherine

Too many women still have a Cinderella complex.

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You said it sister!

My cousin got courted by a man out of the country, he lived in Mexico. She was religious, and so was he.

When he came to this country, they got married almost immediately and started some sort of church thing. He was a shyster and a jerk. Gosh who didn’t see that coming? But she didn’t see it coming because I honestly think She felt very deserving of this instant romance for which she had put in little to no effort in crafting a realistic relationship. Yet, she was one of those women who appears highly competent, is very pretty, and was respected at her job.

But he turned out to be controlling, abusively so, doing things like watching her workplace to see if she left the building, etc. ugh, creepy. Of course she was not able to get free of this one (her second marriage to a loser) until she produced yet another kid and she was pretty old by then, late 30’s or early 40’s.

At least he gave her content for her book and speaking engagements about abusive marital relationships. Silver lining? Haha. Unfortunatley he really fked up their daughter and she was tied to him forever thru their shared child. I think she even found later that he was still married in Mexico.

I don’t know who would be interested in her speaking engagements, but she did that gig for a while.

So this is one of the advantages if you wind up lucky enough to stay married for a LOOOONG time. DH and I will celebrate our 50th (as long as both of us survive) in 3 years. I don't care what he does. He doesn't care what I do.We appreciate our time together and our time apart. IMHO we both deserve whatever pleasure we get from whatever it might be, as long as it doesn't negatively affect either of us. I have no ego in his preferences. That may sound cold, but as Kahlil Gibran says, "But let there be spaces in your togetherness,/ And let the winds of the heavens dance between you." Time to dance!

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Originally Posted by catherine

So this is one of the advantages if you wind up lucky enough to stay married for a LOOOONG time. DH and I will celebrate our 50th (as long as both of us survive) in 3 years. I don't care what he does. He doesn't care what I do.We appreciate our time together and our time apart. IMHO we both deserve whatever pleasure we get from whatever it might be, as long as it doesn't negatively affect either of us. I have no ego in his preferences. That may sound cold, but as Kahlil Gibran says, "But let there be spaces in your togetherness,/ And let the winds of the heavens dance between you." Time to dance!

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I celebrate our individual autonomy and support everyone’s path in finding their groove, their joy in life. There is no ONE path.

Someone on another forum is moaning because her husband, nearing retirement, wants to do extensive travel. She doesn’t like doing that herself and she thinks he should spend his free time “helping others” as SHE is doing. I just…the self centeredness of choosing someone else’s joy path is extreme.

Ugh. This guy just took a multi-week trip to one of my favorite countries and I think it is so great that this guy just takes off to travel intensely. DH is going to Switzerland this summer and I am not, because I don’t want to. But it is great that DH is going, I want him to have fun.

To those who like to travel, go forth and travel, and forget about those who do not value that activity!

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

I celebrate our individual autonomy and support everyone’s path in finding their groove, their joy in life. There is no one path.

Someone on another forum is moaning because her husband, nearing retirement, wants to do extensive travel. She doesn’t like doing that herself and she thinks he should spend his free time “helping others” as SHE is doing. I just…the self centeredness of choosing someone else’s joy path is extreme.

Ugh. This guy just took a multi-week trip to one of my favorite countries and I think it is so great that this guy just takes off to travel intensely. DH is going to Switzerland this summer and I am not, because I don’t want to. But it is great that DH is going, I want him to have fun.

To those who like to travel, go forth and travel, and forget about those who do not value that activity!

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Yes.

I totally agree with you both, catherine and IL. Being married (or with someone and not married) does not mean being joined at the hip!

On the side, IL, if I may ask, where in Switzerland is your dh going? I was there at the end of the 1980's and it is one of my best vacation memories! I hope he has a good time.

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Originally Posted by happystuff

I totally agree with you both, catherine and IL. Being married (or with someone and not married) does not mean being joined at the hip!

On the side, IL, if I may ask, where in Switzerland is your dh going? I was there at the end of the 1980's and it is one of my best vacation memories! I hope he has a good time.

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St. Galen area close to Lichtenstein, and always, they go to Appenzel.

He goes there every few years since he has family there. His mother came from .

I ‘ve been there often enough that I don’t need to go back.

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Originally Posted by iris lilies

St. Galen area close to Lichtenstein, and always, they go to Appenzel.

He goes there every few years since he has family there. His mother came from .

I ‘ve been there often enough that I don’t need to go back.

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I hope he has a great trip!