Dating a man 11 years younger...

[razz]

Awakened, simply giving each other validation of individual worth through respect, appreciation and shared thoughts makes the relationship worthwhile for both so treasure it.

I have recently encountered a business relationship where there is reciprocal appreciation but some verbal miscommunication that has troubled me. I have struggled to figure out the reason for this and my part in it. I want it cleared up and just today realized that I rarely have communication with that generation beyond my own kids. My interaction is usually my peers and people younger than 40 years of age with no difficulty at all. During Christmas, I spent a lot of time with my sons-in-law and understood better how they see things. I can now understand the businessman's choice of words and approach better and how my cultural and life experience is quite different and has coloured my thinking and approach. I like to walk in the other's shoes trying to understand but simply could not seem to be able to do so. I feel better prepared now.

Perhaps what enables you to relate well to this man is that you have spent considerable time with his generation or multi generations in your field of work and he feels very comfortable as a result, perhaps even more comfortable than with his own peers. Just a thought to consider along with all the others.

[ctg492]

Husband one year younger, so since 1978 he says "she's older then me" when we meet people.

[KayLR]

Here's a take: My ex was 11 years younger than I. We started dating when he was 35 and I was 46. I was (am still) a young 46; we looked similar in age and I was active. I wouldn't say our physical relationship was intense or anything, but we got along really well and enjoyed each other's company. He was funny and made me laugh every day.

Fast forward: As I became a bit older and less interested in career advancement, it was about the time he was really heading into that. His work wrapped him up as he (probably as it should have been) became more involved in management. At the same time I was looking to slow down and enjoy myself. It became intolerable to hear nothing but work-work-work all the time; he had no energy left to go hiking, birdwatching, or any other leisure time activity. He had one day off and it was spent remote in hand.

Now I spent enough years alone to have tolerated that, I suppose, and just live a parallel life, but I decided life was too short and I didn't like just being more or less a roommate/housekeeper.

[Float On]

awakenedsoul----so glad you found out these things early on. I always think it's wise to listen to our pets they are very good at reading people. He sounded perfect until your last post and wow....what a lot of info.

To the original question. I never got along well with guys that were younger that I tried to date. My husband is 5 years older and even though we only had 3 dates before we got engaged I've never been sorry. I'm very good at reading people and could always tell on the first date if there should be a 2nd or not.

[catherine]

Glad you caught those red flags. I would have been concerned also. You're smart to heed them.

[Packy]

Thanks catherine. At this age, everyone has some baggage. It's different than meeting someone when you're in your twenties. Still, at least I got back in the dating game. It's harder as you get older. (Well, I think it is.)

Packy, I don't read your posts, and haven't for quite a while. We've lost some of our best writers lately due to your behavior. (Spartana and Gardenarian.)

You are just mad because I don't have unconditional support for you. That's all. Why is it reasonable to post your issues here, and expect sympathy from every last poster? There are two sides to every human interaction. See? Hope that helps you some. Those other posters that left--well--they will be back. I just know it. Read my first two comments on this thread--they were practically prophetic. Well, weren't they? It turns out that you were not only wanting a young stud, but one with no baggage or problems. Lets face it, at "our" age, we are all damaged goods. You might consider that you have excessively high expectations. Or, that maybe he saw some "Red Flags", too. Thankk Mee.

[JaneV2.0]

Gardenarian is in the middle of an interstate move, and Spartana is probably traveling. I doubt either one of them would be intimidated by Packy or anyone else.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Only Spartana has mentioned issues with trolls on this forum, and it's not that hard to guess who. Although I suspect she'll be back. She was having some medium severity I guess health problems as well.

Whether or not it's worth it to date an addict, shrug, it depends I guess. They may be quite serious about never using again but you have to accept that you will be with someone who will be fighting it as a lifelong battle (AA says so - always an addict). But the abuse (even "just" verbal abuse) would be the red flag to me. "Be less picky and take abuse". Uh no. It's not better to be in an abusive relationship than no relationship. No way and no how. Some guys may want emotionally dependent women that will take anything but oh well.

The dating younger would make me insecure (I'd be afraid of being left for a younger woman - ie a woman that was the younger guys OWN AGE! ).

I dated in 2014, a couple months (with a longer build up) in a relationship (1 or 2 years younger than me - woah robbing the cradle there) I knew was doomed with a guy I was crazy falling for despite my better wisdom. It felt good here and there, but mostly I spent a couple months crying my eyes out (even when in the relationship). It was almost a relief when it finally came to it's inevitable end, because by that point I'd already grieved the end of the relationship several times already! I was just really exhausted of crying.

[Packy]

I have a need to share something about a "news" article I just saw. Something must be done, and given your attitudes, you kids are just the ones that need to form up an Ad Hoc Committee, stage an intervention, and clue Charlise Theron in and wave those "Red Flags" in her face. See, she has gotten engaged to the notorious Sean Penn! OMG OMG OMG. He, has been married SEVERAL times--to Maddonna(of all people)once, and Robin Wright--twice. He has children by his marriage to Wright, and who only knows what kind of dysfunction they suffer from? Look what they've been through! Also, he has been arrested for assault and Domestic Assault! How do you like that? Also, he is a whole 15(fifteen) years OLDER than Ms Theron! I think her problem is that she is a little desperate, (mainly due to being so tall) and she figured: "I'll marry the next guy that asks!" Maybe, just maybe, Penn has promised to help keep her film career going, & get her choice roles. I'll bet that's it. Hope that helps you some. Not trying to be a Troll. Just trying to be funny. Ha. Thankk Mee.

[Lainey]

Many words of wisdom here. I'd like to add the famous quote by Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

I think younger women (including myself back then) tend to disregard this because we're taught to tolerate a lot of behavior for the sake of having a relationship - things we would not tolerate with a friend or co-worker.

I'll add to what others have said that I think you're making the wise decision, awakenedsoul.