Internet relationships

[razz]

I keep what is worth keeping like grains of wheat at harvest and simply let the chaff blow away. I am not responsible for others' thoughts and behaviours, just my own.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I originally thought the thread title was about romantic relationships that are primarily online (long distance usually obviously) and I just thought "no ..... that doesn't work"

So I guess my question is, do you all think about this in a similar way, or do you just write off unpleasantness as part of the world of Internet forums.

to some degree as I've been part of some pretty brutal forums before

Does there come a point where you just say enough, I am leaving, if the posts are unpleasant and contentious, or there is baiting or bullying present?

I've considered it at times (no not in the last week in case anyone is super sensitive about causing offense - you probably didn't). But anyway, it's like why am I am I even getting myself in situations where I get all upset about stuff on the internet (and I can get fairly upset), talk about "not worth it". So I've though of just quietly dropping out at times.

Do any of you find the existence of baiting and bullying to be disturbing at a personal level, to make one feel unsafe if it happens in a forum?

disturbing yea, I wouldn't tend to use the term unsafe easily, though at times I have had the thought (as in what if these people are that crazed in real life?)

[Alan]

I personally am sickened by the type of behavior you described. I don't contribute financially or post much at all when this type of thing is allowed and/or excused.

Interestingly enough, there are only about 7 financial contributors to the forums and besides me, at least 3 of those are regularly reminded that their posts are ignored. I suppose I could ban them and then walk away myself, but then where would people hang out?

[iris lilies]

OP, I will offer support in that you may feel however it is that you feel. I support you in speaking up for your feelings.

But also, I encourage you to place on IGNORE those who bug you, and move on. Now would be a good time to remind all that quoting offending posts may not be a good idea because some want to ignore those posts.

The world has a variety of people in it and we can't control who is out there and what they speak of. And if, in the end their presence is too pervasive, I guess that we need to move on.

Some years ago I gave up on a forum that I loved, a dog forum. I left due to unrelenting cheerfulness! haha. It is true. There was one poster whose presence was so pervasive that he dominated the forum. He was a very nice person who had rescued a bulldog. He posted, multiple times weekly, photo links to his dog, positive, photos. He loved that dog! And then he got another dog and the posts doubled. And THEN the first dog died and we were bombarded with Memorial Angel Websites about the first dog. Oh my, it was relentless. He was nice, but his posts drove me batty because they were not interesting or artistic. And then he got a cat, and the posts were out of control! (all of his pets were lucky and well cared for.)

Anyway, I left the website and it died out. But that was old software that predated forum software, so that was part of its demise.

[Packy]

Yes, I completely, wholly, and totally can personally empathize very much with the OP, due to my own experiences with being bullied, harassed, abused, threatened, annoyed, intimidated, tyrannized, oppressed, brow-beaten, humiliated, put-upon, spat-upon, discriminated against, castigated, chided, censured, lied-to, cheated, short-changed, Cussed, discussed, given the run-around, inconvenienced, unappreciated, treated with indifference, ignored, ridiculed, complained-about, neglected, hated, rejected, victimized, plagued, harmed, yelled-at, haunted, bedeviled, chastised, undercompensated, overworked(not very often, though), downtrodden, scapegoated, terrorized, interrogated, stalked, criticized, mocked, shunned, stereotyped, reprimanded, disregarded, falsely-accused, subjected to callous indifference, chased by dogs, scratched by cats, assaulted, derided, hotlined, ripped-off, scorned, defiled, investigated, violated, underrated, overlooked, toyed-with, guns pointed at me, emotionally stressed, passed-over, belittled, and treated unjustly. There's more, but I must take a break.....be back after a littlebittybit.......Hope that helps you some.....(to be continued)......

[mtnlaurel]

So I guess my question is, do you all think about this in a similar way, or do you just write off unpleasantness as part of the world of Internet forums

Does there come a point where you just say enough, I am leaving, if the posts are unpleasant and contentious, or there is baiting or bullying present? Do any of you find the existence of baiting and bullying to be disturbing at a personal level, to make one feel unsafe if it happens in a forum?

I wrote my initial response as I was running out of the house yesterday & it was the first smart-alecky thing that popped into my mind & off my fingers onto the keyboard.... which I would also do IRL, so I can't blame hiding behind a keyboard.
I stand behind it though. Little to nothing would make me stop checking in here to see what's going on. I genuinely enjoy seeing what folks here are up to.
For me most things come down to pain/pleasure equation.
I think that's what drew me to YMOYL - trying to translate a seemingly subjective idea (contentment) into quantitative elements (life energy).
Now I have to admit, if posting all the time made me truly unhappy and I really wasn't receiving useful feedback - I would have to give writing on the board a rest for a while.

I completely expect us to debate, disagree, argue and sometimes that is unpleasant. I think guerrilla warfare tactics on an Internet chat board with strangers that kind-of-sort-of trust each other is lame and reflect poorly on that person.

I would engage more in spicy threads, but I really am not long on time these days and I like to see a good scuffle all the way through.

I don't get the unsafe part, unless one you all are on my doorstep wanting to take me to task for my baggie drying method.
God gifted us with words to use them.
Speak out plain and clear.

ETA: Only a few times have I posted very personal things that I was seeking input on. Because I was just that desperate. But I literally could NOT take strangers' feedback that didn't know all sides of what I was saying -- especially when I didn't agree with the life choices they communicated here on the board. I couldn't take the heat, so I don't do it. It just bothered me to have flippant remarks about a subject so painful to me. Lesson learned. And this was a long time ago and a different cast of characters.

It just seems like a shame when forums deteriorate and become an unpleasant place to post, that one does not want to read responses for fear that one will feel attacked, either for how they posted or what they posted. So do the rest of you feel any of this sadness or discomfort when threads go awry?

Most of my emotions just beeline it straight to anger.
And yes, it does tick me off when a seemingly good conversation, even if it's not one I'm interested in or even agree with for that matter, becomes overshadowed by hogwash.
And I guess hogwash may be in the eye of the beholder, but for the most part we are all grownups and know when people are being unkind without provocation.

Member retention is a very valid concern.
As is the point that Alan makes about financial commitment to the nuts & bolts upkeep of the board.
Unless all of us want to go over as a group to MMM and make our own coffee klatsch forum so we can really get 'face punched' on a regular basis, I think we need to speak out as we see fit to egregious behavior.
I like to spend time here because we are not founded on 'face punching' and we just let everyone get things out of their own systems in their own ways.

[Packy]

I just "write off unpleasantness as part of the world".....period. You are out of the Womb, now; accept it. And, be grateful for(but not gushingly effusive to) those few that treat you halfway decent. See? Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.

[mtnlaurel]

I just "write off unpleasantness as part of the world".....period. And, be grateful for(but not gushingly effusive to) those that treat you halfway decent.

And so Packy am I to be grateful for your halfway decency toward me?

Speak to me straight and clear.

Packy, If you have a problem with me, MtnLaurel, this thread is the time for it to occur.
This is our meeting behind the gym after school.

I will never be 'ignoring you' with whatever button that is (as if I could figure that out).... because when you are really you, the real you - I totally enjoy what you bring to the table. Like the rolling foam exercise thread or learning about your bike riding. Plus you are funny, when you use your gift for good.

But I am over your Prankster a.k.a. Packster crap with me.

You are hitting a nerve with me thus making me feel 'unsafe' or whatever (as long as 'unsafe' is code for ticked off) and I'm not gonna have it- this is my fun, happy place and it will remain as such for me.

And yes, I do not adhere to Strunk and White on internet forums... I also overuse parentheses and the floating dot, dot, dots.

[mtnlaurel]

You are out of the Womb, now; accept it. .... Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.

Explain this to me?

Please make changes to your original posts by denoting Edits after original post with 'ETA'

[Alan]

I'm sorry, I don't quite understand. Are you saying that 4 of the financial contributors are "regularly reminded that their posts are ignored"?

Yes, one of the participants in this thread regularly points out that certain people's posts are ignored and, at least in my case, has sent me private messages to make sure I know that I'm on the list. I find it interesting that those on the ignore list are the very people who enable the forums to remain open.

So in effect, are you saying that if you banned posters who are receiving the most complaints, the forum would fold financially?

There are actually only one or two posters that a very small group of members routinely complain about and a few others that the same small group loves to dis-like. As I mentioned above, if that small group of people who wish to control who can post and what they say had their way, the forums would lose better than half of it's financial support. Now, I have mentioned previously that in the absence of member contributions I would probably foot all the expenses myself just to keep the site running, so I wouldn't worry too much about that if I were you. Our members will always be able to complain about others for free.

I never bring up finances on the forum because I don't want people to feel pressured to contribute and only mention it in this thread in response to the irony of someone who publicly admits not supporting the site complaining about those few who do.

Can you post an address where one could send a check to support the forum? (Don't do paypal for things like this, only mail.)

No, I'm sorry, we are not a business or a non-profit with bank accounts. For tax purposes we're more of a hobby group with relatively small fixed expenses which accepts donations for those expenses only. The easiest way to collect those donations and keep them separate from personal accounts is through Paypal. Those who prefer not to use that service, for whatever reason, can take comfort in the fact that there are other ways to support a community forum. Participation is the key.