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Thread: Gifts...

  1. #21
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    So really, this thing fits in a coat pocket and it would kill you to hang it on the garage wall and say "hey (bil) this is from dad. You're welcome to use it." and then just never think about it again?

    And then think of ome thing you can ask your dad for next year! - dinner certificate, show tickets, something you can use to take your gf on one of those dates you hate to pay for!

  2. #22
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So really, this thing fits in a coat pocket and it would kill you to hang it on the garage wall and say "hey (bil) this is from dad. You're welcome to use it." and then just never think about it again?
    Oh, this is definitely high at the top of my options for white lies. haha

    I have done this several times before.

    The catch is that when I plop this stuff on my BIL my sis gets annoyed because she thinks my BIL is a hoarder, which might be true. She does not want me contributing to his problem. lol

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    And then think of one thing you can ask your dad for next year! - dinner certificate, show tickets, something you can use to take your gf on one of those dates you hate to pay for!
    Here is the thing though, and I am glad you mentioned this because it really gets to the heart of the issue.

    I would not ask my dad for anything or my mom.

    Why? Because I don't need anything. I have (especially by international standards) a real abundance of stuff. And if my sneakers wear out then I will just buy a new pair because I have the wherewithal to do so.

    I cannot make anyone in the first world admit that they have more than enough. So I'd at least like my friends and family to admit to themselves that I have enough.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    I cannot make anyone in the first world admit that they have more than enough. So I'd at least like my friends and family to admit to themselves that I have enough.
    I think the idea that we all have more than enough is actually pretty well understood. I don't think people give gifts because they think the person they are giving to doesn't have 'enough' in the sense of want -- I think it's more a gesture that at best is meant to say, "I see you, and I appreciate you, and I want to share with you." As a recipient it can be frustrating when the gift received instead seems to convey the message, "I don't see you and I have no idea what you want or are like." Sometimes it's most frustrating when the message is "I sort of see you -- see, I know you like fishing!" but without the level of intimacy required to realize you don't want stuff associated with fishing.

    (I note that this would seem to make you a bit rare among people who go fishing since there often seems to be quite a bit of stuff involved.)

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mary B. View Post
    I think the idea that we all have more than enough is actually pretty well understood. I don't think people give gifts because they think the person they are giving to doesn't have 'enough' in the sense of want -- I think it's more a gesture that at best is meant to say, "I see you, and I appreciate you, and I want to share with you." As a recipient it can be frustrating when the gift received instead seems to convey the message, "I don't see you and I have no idea what you want or are like." Sometimes it's most frustrating when the message is "I sort of see you -- see, I know you like fishing!" but without the level of intimacy required to realize you don't want stuff associated with fishing.

    (I note that this would seem to make you a bit rare among people who go fishing since there often seems to be quite a bit of stuff involved.)
    Excellent insights into the culture of gift-giving.

  6. #26
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    Well, as a parent, I'm going to say, that's not going to happen.

    Your dad expresses love by giving you a gift. You tell him not to do that without giving him an alternative, so basically, to him, you're saying "keep your love to yourself". You can't just say "don't buy me stuff.". I, chicken lady, do not buy you stuff and I do not love you. (no offense, I hardly know you)

    So you need to acknowledge that he wants to give you something and then tell him what you really want - clean air? Clean water? - donate to ths charity in my name. His time? Set a date to come fishing with me and bring lunch.

    If your father giving you gifts truly makes you feel that he thinks you can't provide for yourself, tell him that. But I doubt that he thinks you NEED a lunar fish gizmo.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Well, as a parent, I'm going to say, that's not going to happen.

    Your dad expresses love by giving you a gift. You tell him not to do that without giving him an alternative, so basically, to him, you're saying "keep your love to yourself". You can't just say "don't buy me stuff.". I, chicken lady, do not buy you stuff and I do not love you. (no offense, I hardly know you)

    So you need to acknowledge that he wants to give you something and then tell him what you really want - clean air? Clean water? - donate to ths charity in my name. His time? Set a date to come fishing with me and bring lunch.

    If your father giving you gifts truly makes you feel that he thinks you can't provide for yourself, tell him that. But I doubt that he thinks you NEED a lunar fish gizmo.
    Uh... lol, I am not offended that you don't love me.

    I like when he gives me trout fillets from up in MI. Maybe I will try to reinforce that idea.

  8. #28
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    UL, why are you expecting your family to think as you do? They don't. Accept it. They have that right.

    You have the right to responsibly deal with the result. People love gadgets so give it to a sports organization that can use it as a fundraiser or door prize. You can tell dad that the sports group needed the money to help save fish or aid youth or whatever and it seemed more valuable to use it that way than occasionally using it to fish.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    UL, why are you expecting your family to think as you do? They don't. Accept it. They have that right.

    You have the right to responsibly deal with the result. People love gadgets so give it to a sports organization that can use it as a fundraiser or door prize. You can tell dad that the sports group needed the money to help save fish or aid youth or whatever and it seemed more valuable to use it that way than occasionally using it to fish.
    Couldn't something very similar be said to my dad?

    "Ultralite-Dad, why are you expecting your son to think as you do? He doesn't. Accept it. He has that right."

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post

    My sis and I got Ancestry DNA tests for my mom and dad. Though this was partly for selfish reasons. haha
    It sounds like we may all sometimes be guilty of giving gifts that are more reflective of what we want than what the recipient wants.

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