Page 14 of 19 FirstFirst ... 41213141516 ... LastLast
Results 131 to 140 of 183

Thread: I Hate My House (Long)

  1. #131
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    194
    The $2,000 I spent for kitchen resurfacing about 15 yrs ago (new doorfronts, drawerfronts, and painting) was the best $2,000 I ever spent. My old kitchen looked like A. Million. Bucks. I was so happy with the result - the carpenter made new fronts with MDF (an engineered wood), with hidden hinges and a cutout for fingers to open the doors, so no need for handles, and painted all an almond/putty color in semi-gloss finish. It never showed dirt. Now I am in my Dream Forever Home, and had the kitchen gutted for my Dream Forever Kitchen. And it's good, but I will say that the custom cabinetmaker, who told me I needed all wood cabinets, and most people chose matte finish instead of semi-gloss, and yes, I could have Shaker door fronts, certainly cost a lot of money. And I got everything I ever wanted. But the Shaker detail and matte white finish really show the dirt and dust (I'm not a very good housekeeper). And just so you know - I chose granite rather than Formica laminate because the cost of Formica with a rounded edge, rather than the straight laminate glue-on edges, was comparable to granite/quartz. And I really wanted the rounded edges (I think it's called bullnose). Anyway, if you don't hate the straight edges, modern Formica looks beautiful and is much much cheaper than quartz/granite. I would really encourage you to contact a carpenter with a good reputation to give you an estimate on refacing the door/drawerfronts if the cabinets are in pretty good shape. He could fix the busted drawers and crooked shelf. And put up an MDF facade to close up the gap you have. In my Forever Dream Kitchen, I asked for a cabinet with an electrical outlet in it, built to house the microwave. So I can shut the cabinet door on it, and it cuts down on visual clutter. Just to give you an idea, the custom cabinetmaker was real expensive, solid wood was expensive, quartz countertop was expensive. Even pricing new cabinets from the big box stores was way higher than having my old kitchen refaced, and wasn't near as high quality.

  2. #132
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Always logged in
    Posts
    19,200
    Cutouts for fingers...best. Idea. Ever!

    DH built our kitchen cabinets with that, and I ordered that from our Amish cabinet makers for my condo. The advantage is that there is no hardware to collect grease. The downside is that those cabinet fronts do get grimy, in our case because we’ve painted them ourselves, the paint does wear off. But only in a couple of cabinet doors, everything else is good.

  3. #133
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    2,830
    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Cutouts for fingers...best. Idea. Ever!

    DH built our kitchen cabinets with that, and I ordered that from our Amish cabinet makers for my condo. The advantage is that there is no hardware to collect grease. The downside is that those cabinet fronts do get grimy, in our case because we’ve painted them ourselves, the paint does wear off. But only in a couple of cabinet doors, everything else is good.
    Our cabinets are this way both in town and the cabin-which were all built by hubster. Love them. Ours are wood-not painted. No collection of grime or grease.

  4. #134
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    11,330
    In my first condo I had the refacing done with solid oak and it was beautiful. It cost 6k 22 years ago but they still look beautiful. I saw my old condo online for sale. It looked exactly the same.

  5. #135
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    6,032
    Our neighbor's car was stolen earlier this week so this has kicked DS into high gear in the cameras, so that and the open blinds may be resolved sooner rather than later. Meantime I continue to save for other repairs. Kitchen work as many of you have noted is rewarding but not cheap. I may do day trips for vacation. Rhode Island has dropped the mask mandate outdoors so that would be another destination I could go to and enjoy myself. If I have no hotel costs I wouldn't dip deep into the repair fund.

  6. #136
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    6,032
    I have been looking at houses for sale and found one that would be perfect for me a half hour from where I work. It is affordable housing and you don't have to be a first time home buyer, but ... I earn about $1500 too much per year to qualify.

    Meanwhile my son is back to saying he will get his own place. He is now splitting his time between staying in the house when I am at work and staying in his car when I am around because he has a litany of complaints including:

    - He was going to order light bulbs (a responsibility he insists is his because he does extensive research on them) and he didn't like that I requested different bulbs than we discussed a few years back - he sent me a long email accusing me of being a revisionist.

    - He then blocked my phone number and my email so I went and knocked on his door because I had manure to be spread so I can put in the garden and he always wants to do heavy outdoor work. He said, "Please leave me alone" and I said, "Then don't get mad when I do things" and I spread the manure myself. A few days later he noticed and had a panic attack saying I was causing his anxiety and I didn't care about him.

    -The lights were dimming and I asked him about a time frame for the electrician and he said I was harassing him on purpose because he cut off contact with me and I am being aggressive.

    - He has been cleaning, at his methodical pace, and in the midst of working in the bathroom left such a big mess I couldn't get in the room, and so we got into an argument about that. The third time I asked him to clean it up I said something I shouldn't have, that he would never do that to a stranger, how can he do it to his own mother, what sort of son is he. Apparently he did not hear me the first two times because he had his fan on and would not open the door to hear me. He left me a note implying he is suicidal and saying he can't confide in me as I will call the police.

    I continue to look for another home and would like to move if/when he does leave. There is a real estate company in the state, not the We Buy Ugly Houses people but one that is more reputable, that will buy your house as is and if they sell it for more down the road than they paid for it you get a cut of that.

    If the market is such that I can't easily sell and buy elsewhere I will start fixing up this house and thank you all for your ideas on that.

    ETA in his latest note he said if I do one more thing to hurt him (emotionally, I never hit him or anything) he will permanently cut off contact with me. So if I do something like call in the electrician it's game over. I feel blackmailed and trapped and he wrote he feels trapped because it can take a while to get housing. At age 18 he lived with my parents for a year and sent them a long letter after he moved out telling them how awful it was and saying he would rather be homeless than ever live with them again. In his latest missive he said I was worse than them.

    I thought about trying again for counseling. (Last time the counselor did a no call no show.) But the eye doctor just told me this past week masks are required in medical settings indefinitely. If I go for counseling I know I will cry and you can't blow your nose when you're wearing a mask, and the mask will get all covered in tears and snot. The mask mandate is cruel and unusual punishment.
    Last edited by Yppej; 6-5-21 at 10:01am.

  7. #137
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    11,330
    You should go to counseling because you are being blackmailed and manipulated and mentally ill people can be very good at it. I lower my mask to blow my nose all the time so you could do that in a counseling session. You really need professional advice and support.

  8. #138
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    5,449
    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    I have been looking at houses for sale and found one that would be perfect for me a half hour from where I work. It is affordable housing and you don't have to be a first time home buyer, but ... I earn about $1500 too much per year to qualify.

    Meanwhile my son is back to saying he will get his own place. He is now splitting his time between staying in the house when I am at work and staying in his car when I am around because he has a litany of complaints including:

    - He was going to order light bulbs (a responsibility he insists is his because he does extensive research on them) and he didn't like that I requested different bulbs than we discussed a few years back - he sent me a long email accusing me of being a revisionist.

    - He then blocked my phone number and my email so I went and knocked on his door because I had manure to be spread so I can put in the garden and he always wants to do heavy outdoor work. He said, "Please leave me alone" and I said, "Then don't get mad when I do things" and I spread the manure myself. A few days later he noticed and had a panic attack saying I was causing his anxiety and I didn't care about him.

    -The lights were dimming and I asked him about a time frame for the electrician and he said I was harassing him on purpose because he cut off contact with me and I am being aggressive.

    - He has been cleaning, at his methodical pace, and in the midst of working in the bathroom left such a big mess I couldn't get in the room, and so we got into an argument about that. The third time I asked him to clean it up I said something I shouldn't have, that he would never do that to a stranger, how can he do it to his own mother, what sort of son is he. Apparently he did not hear me the first two times because he had his fan on and would not open the door to hear me. He left me a note implying he is suicidal and saying he can't confide in me as I will call the police.

    I continue to look for another home and would like to move if/when he does leave. There is a real estate company in the state, not the We Buy Ugly Houses people but one that is more reputable, that will buy your house as is and if they sell it for more down the road than they paid for it you get a cut of that.

    If the market is such that I can't easily sell and buy elsewhere I will start fixing up this house and thank you all for your ideas on that.

    ETA in his latest note he said if I do one more thing to hurt him (emotionally, I never hit him or anything) he will permanently cut off contact with me. So if I do something like call in the electrician it's game over. I feel blackmailed and trapped and he wrote he feels trapped because it can take a while to get housing. At age 18 he lived with my parents for a year and sent them a long letter after he moved out telling them how awful it was and saying he would rather be homeless than ever live with them again. In his latest missive he said I was worse than them.

    I thought about trying again for counseling. (Last time the counselor did a no call no show.) But the eye doctor just told me this past week masks are required in medical settings indefinitely. If I go for counseling I know I will cry and you can't blow your nose when you're wearing a mask, and the mask will get all covered in tears and snot. The mask mandate is cruel and unusual punishment.

    I'm the same way, I couldn't do a counseling appointment with a mask, either, as they give me panic attacks.

    Please find a way to get your son out of your house, or get a different house without your son. He is so seriously ill, and living with you seems to exacerbate his illness; he is not getting better, and you want him to get better, so he has to move out on his own or into a sheltered living situation. I just don't see anything else working for you guys.

    Please get counseling--I called my EAP at work and had two sessions of grief counseling and it was telemed. She was a lousy counselor, but it still helped to talk to someone and get my thoughts in order.

  9. #139
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    8,726
    Geez, counseling has been online for a year now and still is. Get with the times. Although this is way easier if you have some privacy at home.

    I feel I'm seeing a not great counselor but it's better than nothing. The real issue is it's very very hard to find a shrink with any availability especially if you work "I can do 3pm on a friday" - how many times have I heard that, well gee I'll just quit my job then so I can do therapy! Even harder to find someone you would even want to have.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  10. #140
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    13,389
    Your situation is untenable. I'd say you can't go on indefinitely like this, but you probably can--it will just take a terrible toll on your mental and physical health. You have my sympathy.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •