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Thread: Selfish

  1. #1
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    Selfish

    I have heard various comments about selfishness throughout my life. My mother used to say people who don't have children are selfish and I would think having a kid to be your mini me (especially with men who are more likely to name the child after themselves) is selfish. Having a child when the world is overpopulated is selfish.

    Later my mother told me if I had a boyfriend my son did not like I was selfish.

    Some people say if a person doesn't want to pay a certain level of taxes they are selfish.

    While I have not socialized indoors with anyone outside my household since the pandemic began, violated any restrictions other than occasionally walking outside by myself in isolated areas without a mask (and my state has many restrictions), or travelled, there are people who do these things and call me selfish.

    Does it bother you if people call you selfish? It doesn't bother me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    Does it bother you if people call you selfish?
    Only if I really am being selfish and my behavior is having an impact on them. If they're just complaining because they're not getting what they want and I know my conduct is ethical, I figure they're the one being selfish. And if they're just complaining on general principles because I have more than some other people or because of the way I choose to spend my time or money, I figure it's none of their business.

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    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    If we are “bothered” by it, the bother should be because our behavior was not in line with our values.

    So sometimes when I do bad and it is pointed out, I feel bad because it WAS bad according to my values. Other times someone might point out my bad behavior and I may disagree that it was “ bad.” Or, I may think the consequences were worth the “ bad” behavior.

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    I haven't been called selfish--to my face anyway--in all my adult life.

    I agree with Iris Lily--as long as my actions line up with my values, I'm good. If not, I try to self-correct.

    If that doesn't work, I default to Catholic guilt.

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    If anyone calls me selfish, they simply do not know me or my husband. Our time and money are fully and quietly donated to the curated causes we believe in. We feel blessed and know that others may not have the same ability. It is kind of interesting living well under what we could spend as others figure we are somewhat poor and do not often approach us for funds (except for the panhandlers downtown).

    If they call me selfish because they "believe" we hoard or do not spread our gifts, that is their problem and I do not care. In fact, I suspect they want something and are trying to guilt us. I did not put our names on the X-ray machine we bought for the spay/neuter clinic or the money we gave to start their vaccine program. My husband does not tell anyone about the funds he gives to the groups he works with each year.

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jane v2.0 View Post
    I haven't been called selfish--to my face anyway--in all my adult life.

    I agree with Iris Lily--as long as my actions line up with my values, I'm good. If not, I try to self-correct.

    If that doesn't work, I default to Catholic guilt.
    Perfectly describes my thoughts on the subject.

    Accusing someone of selfishness can be a form of manipulation to get them to do what you want. In other words, my brother has accused me of being selfish, but only when I wouldn't bail him out of an alcoholic bender.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Perfectly describes my thoughts on the subject.

    Accusing someone of selfishness can be a form of manipulation to get them to do what you want. In other words, my brother has accused me of being selfish, but only when I wouldn't bail him out of an alcoholic bender.
    True. It has also been my experience that people call others selfish or greedy when they want something from them. There are whole political and social movements based on that premise

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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    True. It has also been my experience that people call others selfish or greedy when they want something from them. There are whole political and social movements based on that premise
    True. But then, sadly, there are just some people that are truly selfish.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Perfectly describes my thoughts on the subject.

    Accusing someone of selfishness can be a form of manipulation to get them to do what you want. In other words, my brother has accused me of being selfish, but only when I wouldn't bail him out of an alcoholic bender.
    I have noticed the same behavior in my family, that they accuse me of being selfish when they are asking me to do things that they don't want to do but can do for themselves, and somehow have assigned me the role of clean up person, do their dirty work for them, or clean up the messes resulting from their laziness.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by happystuff View Post
    True. But then, sadly, there are just some people that are truly selfish.
    But thatís such a subjective and frequently self-interested judgment that I prefer to let others cast the first stone.

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