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Thread: Why don't we live together?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    I think I’d hate to live with other people. Love it on my own. I’ve always been an apt dweller. It’s ok

  2. #12
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I'm with bae. It's interesting to see how repulsive the idea of communal living is to people. There is some set of perceptions at play--I'm not sure what, in fact, I'm interested in hearing from both Terry and herbgeek why cohousing would be "a living hell." Is that true even if the choosing were as bae described: with people with common interests sharing land and common facilities like community halls but living in their own homes? I don't find that distasteful at all.

    I spent a lot of time with my inlaws and I lived with them for about 5 months when DH and I were waiting for our house to go through in the '80s: I lived in a single family dwelling with my MIL, my grandmother-in-law, grandfather-in-law, great-uncle in law, MIL and BIL.

    There was routine, conversation, division of labor, shared experiences.. it was not half bad, and there was much that was very good about it. I'm amazed at our American "rugged individualism" is, and how pervasive is the idea that "hell is other people".

    I'm not saying I would live in a cohousing situation, but I'm open to it.
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  3. #13
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    I'm with bae. It's interesting to see how repulsive the idea of communal living is to people. There is some set of perceptions at play--I'm not sure what, in fact, I'm interested in hearing from both Terry and herbgeek why cohousing would be "a living hell." Is that true even if the choosing were as bae described: with people with common interests sharing land and common facilities like community halls but living in their own homes? I don't find that distasteful at all.
    it's not at all, I'd go for it, but sharing an actual home with anyone is problematic of course.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  4. #14
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    I like the idea as Bae describes it.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    I was more talking about having to live with relatives you’re not thrilled of. The thought of having to live with my toxic parents, for example, would be hell.

  6. #16
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    I've always fantasized about shared living if I were single and less physically able than I am now, with a shared kitchen and my own room and bath, kind of like college, I guess.

    Oh, and I would need a little terrier and a lot of bookcases, and my sewing machine.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    I like the idea as Bae describes it.
    Me too. I'm your basic introvert and like the idea of maintaining some privacy and having my own space and single level housing, but with some options for more communal interactions. Not every place I've looked at fit that bill.

    A few years ago I looked into co-housing projects in the state. There are actually several, but I never found one that was a perfect fit. This one was close. Ridgeway is a small town, slightly touristy, longer winters, and somewhat isolated from any city shopping and medical facilities. Very pretty location.

    https://alpenglowcohousing.org/

  8. #18
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Rogar: That looks like a really cool community. Any idea what the homes are going for? I do wonder about the whole consensus decision making model. I mean, it certainly sounds lovely, but how well can it work with real live human beings?

  9. #19
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    Rogar: That looks like a really cool community. Any idea what the homes are going for? I do wonder about the whole consensus decision making model. I mean, it certainly sounds lovely, but how well can it work with real live human beings?
    Gee.. again, I'm interested in how doubtful people are that human beings can co-exist! . I imagine that decision-making would be made the same way that town decisions are made, or HOA decisions are made, or even how State and Federal decisions are made.

    The opposite of communal life is what I had in New Jersey--living as---le to belly-button with your neighbor but barely even seeing them for decades. Everyone has a different expectation and tolerance level for interactions with neighbors, but for me, I've learned through my VT experience that people can get along and work for common goals. Getting the right people might be like winning the lottery, but I'll take that chance. I'd have no problem navigating the idiosyncrasies of human personalities to get a wider "family"
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  10. #20
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    herbgeek why cohousing would be "a living hell."
    I mentioned some of them in my post. I get stressed being around pushy personalities, and often have a tough time coming up with phrasing in the moment when someone asks me to do something beyond my comfort level. I feel resentment if I feel I'm always the one being imposed upon. In work and college projects, I often felt like I was carrying the load because of my overly developed sense of obligation. There have been many times people have used my good nature to their own ends. I don't like drama and avoid it like the plague.

    Having to live closely with people who stress me out and be in the midst of drama a lot is my idea of hell.

    ETA: plus in every group, there's that one person who thinks they should be in charge. And that everyone should go along with their ideas without challenge. I have often found that the person who insists on being in charge is often not the person who should be in charge, if in fact, the situation needs someone to be "in charge" at all.

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