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Thread: Contested guardianship

  1. #61
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    herbgeek, I hope the judge does the right thing.
    Thank you. I'm pretty sure he will. We all said that we felt she was unsafe in one way or another, any issues would be on his head. The neurologist's report clearly states that she cannot perform the activities of daily living. At the very least, social services will need to get involved if our petition is not granted to get her additional services.

    It would however, have been so much easier, if she could just acknowledge reality and be on board with assisted living. But she's always lived in a fantasy bubble, so she isn't going to be facing reality now if she has any say.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Thank you. I'm pretty sure he will. We all said that we felt she was unsafe in one way or another, any issues would be on his head.
    I wonder about this as well, about their safety, which is why you are seeking guardianship in the first place. The only thing I could see in your mom's case is that the judge make it limited, and not full, but I don't see how that is practical in these cases, but maybe that will be a factor in my mom's case as well.

    As in, she retains the right to make her medical decisions (refused medical care) but nothing else.

    One thing I find weird in this process is no guardian ad litem automatically to try to figure this out, no social worker involved, just lawyers and witnesses.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Thank you. I'm pretty sure he will. We all said that we felt she was unsafe in one way or another, any issues would be on his head. The neurologist's report clearly states that she cannot perform the activities of daily living. At the very least, social services will need to get involved if our petition is not granted to get her additional services.

    It would however, have been so much easier, if she could just acknowledge reality and be on board with assisted living. But she's always lived in a fantasy bubble, so she isn't going to be facing reality now if she has any say.
    Was your hearing in person or on Zoom? Do you just wait now to see what the judge rules?

  4. #64
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    My sister and I were on audio conference, my brother was at the court in person. I'd gotten all decked out from the waist up (suit jacket and button down shirt/scarf with sweat pants) assuming it was a video conference, only to find last minute it was audio only. Yes, we just have to wait for the judge's ruling. He said "soon". Given that this was given a fast track for safety reasons, I'm assuming that means a week or two.

    The next, harder step is getting Mom to assisted living. That will not be pretty. We will likely have to conjure up a lie or use some authority figure to be the bad guy. She does not want to leave her house because it is familiar. She says all her memories of my father are there, but the first thing she did after he died was remove his clothes the first week and enlist others to help clean out his office and workshop. It couldn't be done soon enough, and there is still some lingering large equipment and furnishings in his workshop that bugs her, even though she has no designs on the space.

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    My sister and I were on audio conference, my brother was at the court in person. I'd gotten all decked out from the waist up (suit jacket and button down shirt/scarf with sweat pants) assuming it was a video conference, only to find last minute it was audio only. Yes, we just have to wait for the judge's ruling. He said "soon". Given that this was given a fast track for safety reasons, I'm assuming that means a week or two.

    The next, harder step is getting Mom to assisted living. That will not be pretty. We will likely have to conjure up a lie or use some authority figure to be the bad guy. She does not want to leave her house because it is familiar. She says all her memories of my father are there, but the first thing she did after he died was remove his clothes the first week and enlist others to help clean out his office and workshop. It couldn't be done soon enough, and there is still some lingering large equipment and furnishings in his workshop that bugs her, even though she has no designs on the space.

    Soon is really good. Yes, getting her out of the house is really hard. Our mom was taken via ambulance to hospital and never went home again.

    The idea of kidnapping one's own mom is so awful.

  6. #66
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    The idea of kidnapping one's own mom is so awful.
    It is. I feel badly and guilty even knowing we have her best welfare in mind. She has always begged me since I was a child to never put her in a nursing home (we aren't- all the things she dreads about a nursing home such as being stuck in a johnny with a roomate confined to bed don't exist at assisted living). I always said that we'd do our best, but if she is unable to be safely at home, she'd have to leave. She already regularly gives herself food poisoning by leaving food out for unknown periods or eating expired food and not allowing us to remove the stock of expired food (food is security), and then she can't clean herself, her laundry or the bathroom after that happens. We have to help her from herself even though she doesn't want any help and doesn't think she needs any help. I wish it wasn't such a battle but mom has been oppositional like this my whole life.

  7. #67
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    Continued prayers and well-wishes for the whole situation, herbgeek. I hope you hear something sooner rather than later so you all can get things moving forward.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  8. #68
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    I thought we were going to have to slip my friend with dementia some Xanax to get her to go. She finally agreed. Her husband couldn’t take care of her or himself because he was dying. The saddest part was he wanted to go to a nursing home with her to help her adjust. He figured once he died she would be used to being in a home. I couldn’t find one in either Nevada or California that would accept him because he had a feeding tube in his stomach. He handled the feedings himself. Don’t know what you do if you have a feeding tube and dementia.

  9. #69
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    I thought we were going to have to slip my friend with dementia some Xanax to get her to go. She finally agreed. Her husband couldnít take care of her or himself because he was dying. The saddest part was he wanted to go to a nursing home with her to help her adjust. He figured once he died she would be used to being in a home. I couldnít find one in either Nevada or California that would accept him because he had a feeding tube in his stomach. He handled the feedings himself. Donít know what you do if you have a feeding tube and dementia.


    It would depend on severity of dementia, but a feeding tube for people severely compromised with dementia doesnt seems like a good idea. Of course there are people in early stages of dementia who are living a good life who have feeding tubes, temporarily, for health problems. That is a different situation.

    just a random observation, no specific intent here.

  10. #70
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    IL, I guess if you had it and dementia they would take it out which would probably be a blessing. My friend’s husband had it because he had neck cancer and couldn’t eat.

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