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Thread: Solstice to Lughnasadh

  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post

    jeppy says “…Either way this is frustrating - if he did have things stolen, that he left them laying around after being advised not to - or if nothing is stolen that he would fake an incident like this because all that matters is his illness, not my desire to get things done. But I am not going to let him control me…”


    third possibility is that your son honestly believes the stuff is stolen when in fact the things are lying around among piles of papers.


    But either way you need to march forward as you are doing. Yes you are right, your time has no meaning to your son. His illness doesn’t allow him to engage in respectful human relations, so that is why you enforce your boundaries. Here your boundary is “son, you don’t get to decide what happens to the physical structure of my house.
    It ain’t about you. “
    I think this is a very real possibility, that he honestly believes it because paranoia is a symptom of his mental illness. I really like the boundary words you use here, IL, great choice, accurate and fair.

    I maintain that your son needs to go ahead and move out, and you need to do everything possible to make that happen. I would hope he could find some kind of sheltered housing for the mentally ill.

    Please protect yourself against his illness, Yppej.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    No response from the electrician on a referral for drywall. (I contacted them before the whole theft report from DS.)

    I got a name of someone from a roofing company I used a couple years ago and liked and left that contractor a message. Fingers crossed. It is hard to get people nowadays for small jobs.

  3. #73
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    No response from the electrician on a referral for drywall. (I contacted them before the whole theft report from DS.)

    I got a name of someone from a roofing company I used a couple years ago and liked and left that contractor a message. Fingers crossed. It is hard to get people nowadays for small jobs.
    yes it is IMPOSSIBLE to get someone for a small job. Sometimes you can get a guy to do a job off the clock of his regular job.
    I reiterate: if you can find someone on whom you have confidence, don’t sweat the price.

    The days of getting 3 bids on a job are over.

  4. #74
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    Someone is coming out Monday afternoon to look at the drywall ceiling job, and I also asked that he check on a crack in the plaster of one of my walls. Yes, I am taking time off work to meet him at his convenience during regular business hours. No, I am not going to get three bids if his price is anywhere reasonable, and I think it will be as he was recommended by a previous contractor I liked.

    Since DS has me blocked I called from my work phone and emailed from my work email to let him know so he can move any things of his out of the way, and letting him know what remains I will move this weekend so the person can easily measure, estimate, and hopefully do the job with minimal junk in the way. There are a few pieces of furniture that are probably too big to move through the narrow, nonstandard doorway to another room. I'll see if he can work around them or if I need to get someone to help me move them to the back yard. They had to be wedged sideways to get into the room, as the exterior door is also smaller than normal, though not as bad as the interior door.

    DS now has the opportunity to move his things without me touching them. I would have preferred to give him more notice, but I wanted to get the contractor out while he is available. I want to get things done!

  5. #75
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Jeppy I don’t understand what happens if your son doesn’t “let “ a workman in his room to see the job. Can’t he physically keep you out of that room?

  6. #76
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    For the upcoming job the workman does not need to go in his room but he has messes scattered throughout the house. If the new router is not in place he won't have received my messages (he only has a VOIP phone) so I will let him know tonight when I get home about them coming if that is the case. Due to his OCD he doesn't want anyone touching his things, which is why I give him a heads up about moving them before I do.

    For the electrician the bad line needed to be accessed through his room so it remains unfixed. Yes, since he did not open the door he could keep me out, since I chose not to break down the door or hire a locksmith to get in there.

  7. #77
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    The plasterer is coming tomorrow to put in the new ceiling.

    It is frustrating trying to get things done with no home internet and boring with no internet and no TV. DS is being somewhat opaque about the new router. The monthly bill hit my account with no charge for a new router, though possibly it just has not hit yet. He claims he switched it over to his bank account. We'll see next month. In the meantime I am tackling one thing at a time and the internet/TV is not my top priority.

  8. #78
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    I really hope you can support your son in finding an assisted living situation. The hoops you are jumping through, the situations you live with and the workarounds for his illness and not tenable and not normal accomodations for a housemate. You keep reasoning and negotiating with him as if he was neurotypical and he is not. He needs to be in his own space, and you need to be able to maintain your own house in reasonable condition instead of living with bottles of urine, piles of mess, electrical issues.

  9. #79
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I'd just go ahead and hook up the broadband--or have it done professionally.

  10. #80
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    Blueboard is up but the plastering is pushed off until tomorrow.

    I checked the serial number on the router now plugged in and it was the same as the "bad" router but with a cable company box on the floor like it is a new unit that just came in the mail. Confronted DS and he had some story. TV is now working and he said he has to redo the internet settings from going back to factory settings so no one can get into it with the old wifi password. So still no home internet. He denied he was trying to punish me for getting a contractor in.

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