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Thread: Guardians and medication

  1. #11
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Tybee,

    My question that follows is not the main issue because I agree with you that it sounds as though it is time for your mother to receive hospice care. The main issue is the care your mother is receiving, of course.

    But this seems like such a confused situation to me. The hired-gun guardian is acting against the stated wish of the son who you call a “guardian?” I do not understand. WHO is the hired gun answering to? If she is paid, she is accountable to someone. Maybe she is accountable to your mother as a result if the court action?

    I just cannot figure out this situation.

    I assume the hired gun guardian is carrying out as she sees fit your mother’s “physician orders For life-sustaining treatment” plan ( POLST.)

    If I were you, I would stay out of suggesting hospice. Her care team is well aware of hospice. Your suggestions seem to lead to interactions that bring you grief and unhappiness, so it’s not worth it IMHO because it is not as though you’re offering an idea they don’t know about. Hospice is well-known so they have to be considering it. Of course, I wouldn’t entirely discount the fact that your mother is a private pay patient at that facility, so there’s always that aspect, the financial aspect. Not pretty to contemplate.

  2. #12
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    My mother in law has absolutely refused a pacemaker. She is 89. Maybe not for the best of reasons but her heart is already so damaged, it likely would not do much except to revive her for a nursing home. Sometimes it is wise to refuse modern medicine.

    My Dad was 92 and they wanted to do extensive open heart surgery. He refused. Then they found bladder cancer which is slow growing. In an attempt to remove or reduce it, the treatment killed him. Again sometimes modern medicine may not be the best option. Sigh.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    My question that follows is not the main issue because I agree with you that it sounds as though it is time for your mother to receive hospice care. The main issue is the care your mother is receiving, of course.

    But this seems like such a confused situation to me. The hired-gun guardian is acting against the stated wish of the son who you call a “guardian?” I do not understand. WHO is the hired gun answering to? If she is paid, she is accountable to someone. Maybe she is accountable to your mother as a result if the court action?

    I just cannot figure out this situation.

    I assume the hired gun guardian is carrying out as she sees fit your mother’s “physician orders For life-sustaining treatment” plan ( POLST.)

    If I were you, I would stay out of suggesting hospice. Her care team is well aware of hospice. Your suggestions seem to lead to interactions that bring you grief and unhappiness, so it’s not worth it IMHO because it is not as though you’re offering an idea they don’t know about. Hospice is well-known so they have to be considering it. Of course, I wouldn’t entirely discount the fact that your mother is a private pay patient at that facility, so there’s always that aspect, the financial aspect. Not pretty to contemplate.
    The situation is clear cut as to authority--she has two co-guardians, one of whom is family and the other of whom is paid out of her estate. Both are court appointed now and have authority. The only ones they are accountable to is the court.

    Prof guardian sent out email this morning to facility saying they disagree and will have to resolve it between the two of them and will then let facility know what they want.

    And yeah, I have decided to keep my mouth shut and watch all this play out.

    I think the facility just wants to follow good medical practice. There is not consensus really, on what that is, and doctor is the one who wanted the medication added. Brother tends to follow whatever doctor says; professional guardian tends to want no medical care for her. It's not a money thing. It's a principle with her;I imagine if we lived somewhere where euthanasia was practiced, that would be what she would request.

    Frankly, it's disturbing, But I guess I see her point.

    I think I would want to follow the doctor's advice, if it were my call, which it is not.

    There are downsides to any medication, and I guess it might make her a fall risk? Or, it might slightly help her dementia with blood flow to hippocampus, according to the research I was looking at.

    Regardless, this professional guardian is not going to research anything, it's a hard no, always.

  4. #14
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I think you did a great job for your mother in getting her into a facility that you have confidence in.


    Now it’s time for you to let go of the day-to-day worrying of care about your mom. Think about how she may be dying in the way that she anticipated: not eating, sleeping a lot – that is a gentle slow way to go. It is the the natural, inevitable end of life.

  5. #15
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    Tybee, others have given some great advise and food for thought. I'm just sorry that you are still having to deal with such things. I hope everything ends well for your mom.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I think you did a great job for your mother in getting her into a facility that you have confidence in.


    Now it’s time for you to let go of the day-to-day worrying of care about your mom. Think about how she may be dying in the way that she anticipated: not eating, sleeping a lot – that is a gentle slow way to go. It is the the natural, inevitable end of life.
    You are right. And I do really like the facility and I have full confidence in them. I like what you say here about how she may be dying in the way she wants--that is to be hoped for.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by happystuff View Post
    Tybee, others have given some great advise and food for thought. I'm just sorry that you are still having to deal with such things. I hope everything ends well for your mom.
    Thank you, happystuff.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    I really hope your mom has a peaceful ending where she just slips away.

  9. #19
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I read a book some years ago by a wife who regretted even putting a pacemaker into her husband’s chest. He was in the early to mid stages of dementia, as I remember it. That surgery alone knocked him down a couple of pegs on the functionality scale and he never recovered from it. So, it just prolonged a greatly diminished life.

    Modern medicine does not always do us favors.
    I was talking with Mom today about how we would not take any medical steps to extend her life, but we want to do everything we can to prevent any unnecessary pain or discomfort for her. We are all on the same page (sister too), so that is a good thing and we won't have to guess about what Mom would or wouldn't want.

  10. #20
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Tybee, what a terrible situation!

    I can't add to the advice already offered here other than to suggest that the appropriate course of action for your mother is whatever is the loving thing to do. We've had to look at this situation more than once in my family and it's tough -- and made all the more difficult by the panic of the moment when the need to do something is now. I wish you the best.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

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