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Thread: Seniors who refuse to ask for help

  1. #11
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    I asked for help from DS last week when we bought the car--asked if he would go shopping with us, as I thought a younger presence might help dissuade the dealers we were old fogies who they could push around.
    Turns out we did not need him since we bought from a dealer who was my husband's age and liked the fact that we were older-- got the deal done in about 45 minutes.

  2. #12
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    That’s cool, Tybee!

  3. #13
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    My MIL was a stubborn old coot but not in a way that frustrated or angered us. She was just used to being independent, self-reliant and hard-working, and she never made big demands on us--at least not in the sense of helping her with physical or material needs. She had an unspoken expectation that we all take care of each other--she had had the same reciprocal arrangement with her parents, and we complied with that. She had her own expectations of herself--such as she would never, ever walk with a cane, and she never did. She would never, ever borrow money from anyone or buy something that she didn't have money for, and she never did. Her mantra in her Glaswegian accent was always "I'll no' hae it." ("I won't have it"--meaning sickness or poverty). Of course, she did get sick in her later years and we were there to take her to doctor's appointments, etc.

    I am on the cusp of the age of your 75 y.o. coot, and I know I'm going to have to battle my own resistance to asking for help. We'll see how it goes.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  4. #14
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    There very well could be some dementia going on. A long term friend, who lives just down the street and also goes to our church, offered to bring her to church whenever the senior wants. She refused.

    Her granddaughter is getting married in a few weeks. She’s cancelled her RSVP because she can’t get there under her own power. Everyone has offered her a ride to the wedding/reception and she’s turned them down. Granddaughter is very upset her granny won’t be there, but granny doesn’t apparently care about anything but her own pride.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
    There very well could be some dementia going on. A long term friend, who lives just down the street and also goes to our church, offered to bring her to church whenever the senior wants. She refused.

    Her granddaughter is getting married in a few weeks. She’s cancelled her RSVP because she can’t get there under her own power. Everyone has offered her a ride to the wedding/reception and she’s turned them down. Granddaughter is very upset her granny won’t be there, but granny doesn’t apparently care about anything but her own pride.
    Dementia is way different than pride. Think of it as brain damage, agoraphobia--would you say the person doesn't care about anything but their own pride? No doubt there is fear underneath there.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Dementia is way different than pride. Think of it as brain damage, agoraphobia--would you say the person doesn't care about anything but their own pride? No doubt there is fear underneath there.
    Well, I thought it was just pride until she said she is refusing to go to granddaughter’s wedding because she can’t get there under her own power.

  7. #17
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
    Well, I thought it was just pride until she said she is refusing to go to granddaughter’s wedding because she can’t get there under her own power.
    I wouldn't judge her, as you have no idea what fears she really has. Getting old can be hell.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I wouldn't judge her, as you have no idea what fears she really has. Getting old can be hell.
    At this point, we’re about ready to wash our hands of her, including the friend that lives down the street from her. The family can deal with since she’s refused all offers of help from us. We had a group chat about the situation last night. The friend who lives down the street told her to quit calling her to bellyache about no longer having a car to drive. She doesn’t want help and wants to isolate herself? She’s pretty much gotten her wish.

  9. #19
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    Old age is a series of losses. Some great some little but all losses. We lose physical abilities and health. We lose people and their relationships. We lose independence and choice. We lose home, whatever that means to each of us.

    As in the stages of grief, we each can make it to acceptance or get stuck along the way. Old age is just a series of losses that some can handle much easier than others. It cannot be fixed but must be endured.

  10. #20
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Tradd will be proud of me because today I got help by hiring somebody to mulch a difficult part of my yard that I’ve not been able to get to. I’ve been dreading it, and this morning I finally went out to fill 5 gallon buckets full of wood chip “mulch “that DH brought home in his trailer from the city dump site.

    Well, this is not mulch. This is well rotted stuff that might’ve started out as wood chips, but now it’s compost. compost is nice but I already have a load of Primo Compost of a particular kind for my lilies.

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