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Thread: Seniors who refuse to ask for help

  1. #21
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Yay for IL!

  2. #22
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    As everyone has said that woman may have other issues that have nothing to do with being stubborn. Too bad someone doesn’t take the time to have an understanding conversation and ask her what is her biggest fear now that she doesn’t have a car. Younger people don’t understand the challenges of aging and as others have noted it’s unfortunately all about loss.

  3. #23
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    This is only the second time in my life that I have hired someone to mulch a garden area, and this isn’t even my entire garden area. It’s just a place where it’s hard to get to and bottom line, I don’t want to do it.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    As everyone has said that woman may have other issues that have nothing to do with being stubborn. Too bad someone doesnít take the time to have an understanding conversation and ask her what is her biggest fear now that she doesnít have a car. Younger people donít understand the challenges of aging and as others have noted itís unfortunately all about loss.
    Agree with this 100%! When my mom finally lost her license (not her idea, unfortunately), she felt lost, alone, inadequate, etc. Fortunately, time and family have shown her that she is none of those things.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  5. #25
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    As everyone has said that woman may have other issues that have nothing to do with being stubborn. Too bad someone doesn’t take the time to have an understanding conversation and ask her what is her biggest fear now that she doesn’t have a car. Younger people don’t understand the challenges of aging and as others have noted it’s unfortunately all about loss.
    Well, she won’t talk to any of us at church, including pastor. She told us she won’t bother talking to her kids. None of us have the son’s contact information so we can’t urge him to talk to mom.

  6. #26
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    Well I had no problem asking for help. I made a very succinct list of things I’d like done, asked my grandson, who came with a buddy, and we spent 2.5 hours working outside. They power washed the far side of the house that gets muddy from the trees, checked the gutters (they were fine), put a new vinyl canopy over the back deck, shoveled out 2 huge barrels of dried oak leaves from the back corner, tied up the wisteria that had broken loose in the last wind storm, and pulled stuff out of the shed so I could rearrange/ stack for summer, and set aside several things to sell and/or give away. Grandson appreciated my clarity- I had given him the list ahead of time so he could plan sequence and time needed. I worked adjacent to them on things I am perfectly capable of doing. And truth be told, I could have done all of it but it would have taken me far longer, and, like Iris Lillie’s, I just didn’t want to do it. Much more efficient to get help. I was thrilled to have it all done, and the guys left with a tidy sum and a great feeling of accomplishment as well.

  7. #27
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Well, we had to cry uncle this morning. We are sanding our floors. DH picked up the orbital sander at the rental place last night. Because they loaded it onto the truck for us, we had. no idea how HEAVY those things are!!

    After risking serious injury trying to get it off the truck and up the 5 steps to the house, we stuck it in our shed for the night and put out an APB to the kids. DSs 2 & 3 are coming to the rescue in a half hour. Someone will have to return to help us load it back onto the truck.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  8. #28
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    I’m gimpy with knee/sciatica issues. If someone - either a friend or someone I don’t know - offers to help schlepp gear when I’m diving, I don’t turn down the offer. Maybe I’m naturally lazy. Either way, I’m not going to hurt myself. If I need help, I’ll ask for it.

  9. #29
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    There might be an element of passive aggressive reaction in the initial story Tradd tells about this lady. Yes, I’m sure she is unhappy with her reduced freedom. But not going to her granddaughter’s wedding? That’s pretty extreme. I will bet she relents and eventually attends it.

    One of our friends had a mother who was passive aggressive. She lived across the state line about a 30 minute drive away. She was frail and elderly and kept falling and not being able to get up. But she would say things like “oh it’s so much trouble for you to help me move, I just can’t move. “ Yet , of course he had to deal with her house, her grounds, etc. which were a lot of trouble.

    Of course, the reason why she wouldn’t move had little to do with causing him trouble, she would not move because she did not want to move.

    she refused to use a walker, you know that makes you look old. Yet, every time she went someplace with her kids, she clung to them for balance.

    She was hospitalized for something but discharged herself and left. Her kids were all putting their heads together to figure out how to take care of mom, and my neighbor was spending his work from home days at her house. Then, she died, so that was a blessing in disguise.
    Last edited by iris lilies; 6-2-23 at 1:35pm.

  10. #30
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Ugh. I was in the city for one day and came home to Hermann to find that DH had mulched the entire bed that I had hired out. So we won’t be paying someone to do it after all, this old man I live with did it. But the thing is, he has important work to do, not mulching. I’m a little annoyed with him.

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