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Thread: Seniors who refuse to ask for help

  1. #41
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by early morning View Post
    Tradd, that sounds like someone who is willing herself to die, frankly. It's possible that in addition to not attending appointments, she's not taking any of her meds - a friend of ours did this. I understand your frustration with her, but it just seems to me that some compassion for this older woman, who is losing control of her life, is warranted. Granted, it's hard to sit by when we "know" what would help, and it sounds like you and her friends/neighbors are willing to help her. Still we can't walk in her shoes - it is not our situation, our medical status, or our past experiences that have led her to this point in her life, but those that are uniquely her own. She still has some agency. Perhaps she's using it in the only way she is able to see.
    It’s like watching a train wreck. If she wants to do away with herself, I don’t really care. I feel worse for the family. Granny refusing to attend the wedding really wrecked the day for the granddaughter (the bride) and others.

  2. #42
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
    It’s like watching a train wreck. If she wants to do away with herself, I don’t really care. I feel worse for the family. Granny refusing to attend the wedding really wrecked the day for the granddaughter (the bride) and others.
    My neighbor/good friend goes through so much angst with a mother like that--narcissistic, it's always about her, very demanding, whines on the phone, but expects everyone to do for her while she does nothing for herself or anyone else. Her granddaughter's baby shower was a couple of weeks ago, and I asked my friend, "did your mother go" and she said no. She lives in the next town. It was no burden to get a ride. She had two children and two grandchildren willing to shuttle. She's in her late 70s, and she's just closing the door on everything. It's very frustrating for my friend, but she has come to realize that she can't do anything for her mother except offer and if her mother refuses, so be it.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #43
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    she has come to realize that she can't do anything for her mother except offer and if her mother refuses, so be it.
    The key to overcoming much family angst, IMHO! It is so hard to accept that the only person we can really change is ourselves. We know it, and yet we seem to not believe it...

  4. #44
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
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    I'm on a private FB group and one other members has a narcissistic mother. She calls her "momrhoid" because she's a pain in the butt. I've quit begging people. They can either get over it or die mad.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    Nicely said, Early.
    Quote Originally Posted by early morning View Post
    Tradd, that sounds like someone who is willing herself to die, frankly. It's possible that in addition to not attending appointments, she's not taking any of her meds - a friend of ours did this. I understand your frustration with her, but it just seems to me that some compassion for this older woman, who is losing control of her life, is warranted. Granted, it's hard to sit by when we "know" what would help, and it sounds like you and her friends/neighbors are willing to help her. Still we can't walk in her shoes - it is not our situation, our medical status, or our past experiences that have led her to this point in her life, but those that are uniquely her own. She still has some agency. Perhaps she's using it in the only way she is able to see.
    You expressed this beautifully. Some of us will find ourselves in the future losing control of our lives. How do we imagine we will respond? It might be interesting to ask someone who knows us well how they think we will respond.

    A close friend stopped taking her meds when it was the last bit of agency she had. No one who knew her well was surprised.

  6. #46
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    Was inspired by a 90+ woman recently. She is in a mobile home community here in TX. She was telling how she is losing her balance and recently had to give up her car. She stated she recently sold her large mh for a smaller 1br, 1b one she could maintain herself and where she lives she can drive her golf cart to the grocery store. The store has many nicely prepared meals and salads. She has many friends and activities to occupy her time. She is accepting her limitations and adjusting amazingly IMO. She is the definition of aging in place with dignity and self-sufficiency!!

  7. #47
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    That is such a cool story, frugal, she is my hero! I would love to do the same, in a florida trailer by the ocean.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    That is such a cool story, frugal, she is my hero! I would love to do the same, in a florida trailer by the ocean.
    If you want it to happen it will!

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