Aging loved ones struggling to care for themselves

[Klunick]

My mom who is 86 has reached the point where unless it's on TV, she doesn't believe it happened. I work for the Police and would let her know of some "interesting" stuff going on like police chases, foot pursuits, etc. Her line is always "There's nothing on TV about it." I try to explain to her that the Police don't report everything to the news or else it would be pretty much non-stop. Last night there was a homicide. Two people shot and one died. We were emailing back and forth and my mom tells me that no one died. I assured her that someone did in fact die and it's the talk of the day so far at work... at the Police Department. She tells me that the TV reporter said that both people are in critical condition and that no one died. I basically told her that she can believe whoever she wants but I'm believing the Police because THEY WERE THERE! She told me she's going to believe the reporter. I decided it was best to just stop emailing her back at this point because there is nothing I can say to make her believe me.

[Rachel]

I noticed this thread and then discovered I had even posted to it in April of this year (2024). This is a follow-up to what I shared about my friend who is stranded on an upper floor of a walk-up apartment building, aging, disabled, no family. I love her and have known her for a long long time. I have begun to speak reality to her- with respect and love, but with directness. "Mary (not her real name), this is hard for me to say, but I love you enough to say it. Your situation is not safe. Please, hire a homemaker / errand-runner. Two days a week would be sufficient. I believe you can afford it."

It hasn't made a difference yet, but she tells me she is thinking about it. Ultimately, dignity *however she defines it* is the deciding factor.

We cannot get our older ailing friends to change. We can't usually "save" them. Some of us have decided not to keep visiting homes that are dirty and upsetting to be in. That is fine. Keep visiting if you can and if you can't keep calling on the phone. Stay in touch, let them know they aren't alone.

[Tybee]

Rachel, is there Meals on Wheels that she could use? I was just reading about it in one of our local towns and they show up once a day and will bring the mail in, check on the person, and leave the food--that would be awesome for her.

[Tradd]

I have senior friends who have so many physical issues that going to the grocery store just does them in for several days. But they won’t consider delivery or even pickup because they can’t get past the idea of someone else picking out their produce and meat.

[iris lilies]

I can’t wait until I can hire someone to clean my house.

When our entire first floor is finished, that’s when I will hire out that work even tho it isnt hard.

I have always said anyone xan clean my house and i will be happy with their work. But taking care of my garden? Nope, you can’t do it to my satisfaction.

[Rogar]

I've thought about the convenience of grocery delivery, which seems simple with an internet and cheap. I'd do it if I couldn't drive or was otherwise handicapped. However, if there are people who can get out, even if it's a struggle, it might be a healthy thing for them to do. My stores have prepared meals in servings for two or a small family that look really healthy and appetizing that just need to be heated. If I recall, meals on wheels are free, but asks for a donation or other payment if a person can afford it. There are so many other way to get healthy meals delivered if a person has a liberal budget.

[pinkytoe]

One of my older brothers recently moved to a lower elevation in a different state far away as his wife had a breathing issue due to a lung disease. She recently passed and he finds himself alone in an unfamiliar place/house with little community. She always did the cooking so I asked him what he is eating these days. He said he gets "quickie meals" at the grocery whatever that means. I am thinking of asking him to come back to this state he loves and let him stay in the basement suite. I am worried about him so far away. There is a daughter and her family about 30 minutes away from him now but I imagine she is mostly busy with work and teenagers much of the time. It is a conundrum and one I worry about for my own future as an older person too.

[iris lilies]

Those of us who don’t have children were smart enough to have siblings 10 years younger.

so, while it is likely I will die before DH, if that doesnt happen I will move to the place that I escaped from but have younger brother, his wife, and younger cousins there.

[littlebittybobby]

okay---as you kids know, I am very elderly, and can relate to this. I have shipping boxes that my 58 Packkard parts and stuff came in, that I need to dispose of. I got the floors swept, the dishes done, laundry all hung up; litterboxes changed, but still need to vacuum. By then, it'll be time ta start all over again. But yeah---I very much enjoy it, sort-of. Ha. I spend half my day on that; the other half on important projects. It's time to clean & vacuum my car, change the oil & check the tires. New spark plugs, maybe. So yeah---I can see your point about these home-bound people needing help to do every littlebitty thing. yup. Too bad that Americans, being the most powerful people on earth(we rule), can't just go online and purchase a slave to do our chores for us. See? That might help. Thankk mee.

[KayLR]

There is a wonderful organization called Village to Village and anyone in JP's shoes should check it out. I have seen it at work personally up here in the NW.
https://Vtvnetwork.org

I knew a man much like JP's friend who signed on with them. He'd become a widow and basically I think he didn't know how to keep house plus his eyes are dim. He was interviewed by a Village volunteer who was probably Boomer age and felt immediately comfortable. So they come in and do light housework and check in on him and make sure he has some human contact.