A Sense of Place / Belonging: Need Your Thoughts

[catherine]

So, as you may know, I'm working on a book with a roadmap for making a move away from the current culture and toward a better, saner life.

I'm on the 5th of 9 steps now... and it has to do with finding where you belong, geographically.

I know that many of you have moved over the last decade: I'm thinking specifically of pinkytoe, frugal-one, iris lilies, Tybee but everyone has at one point in teir lives made a move and either felt like they belonged, or felt like a fish out of water.

Can you please share your experiences using the following prompts:

1) Describe a time when you said to yourself, "This is where I belong." What did that feel like? What emotion was it stirring up for you? What was it based on? History? Values? Sense memory? Aesthetics? Energy?

2) The opposite: What has made you feel that you didn't belong in a particular place? Describe the place and why you felt that way.

3) How did you resolve that feeling? Or, how did you at least adapt to it? Do you feel that adaptation is sustainable?

4) If you have moved from a place you didn't feel you belonged in, what were you looking for? What is your "Kansas" (vs. Oz)?

5) In the scheme of things, how important is it to you to "get back to where you once belonged"? Why? If you haven't done it yet, what are your plans for that? If you have returned to a place you feel you belong in, what has been the benefit of that? How is your life different? Please describe the feelings.

Please feel free to comment here, or DM me.

[Rogar]

Catherine, I don't especially want to pre-suppose what you would enjoy, but I sometimes come back to John O'Donohue's interview with Krista Tippet from a few years ago. "The Inner Landscape of Beauty". It some what related to your questions, but also how we construct out own landscapes. It's an hour long, but I find it delightful. I may have to think more, as it's a topic I think about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqalrRkYP14

[Tybee]

Catherine, that's a great series of questions. Will have to give it a lot of thought before I could give good answer/answers. Will look with great interest on what others say.

[happystuff]

Actually, I'm on the search for that geographic place! This is our "starter home" - 34 years later! LOL. Since I/we plan on downsizing after retirement, I've actually started looking now and am finding it quite challenging. I know what I want and my hope is to transform where ever we land into our "home". I know that doesn't answer your questions, but I'll have to wait to land somewhere before I have the experiences to reply.

Good luck!

[early morning]

Catherine - those are very interesting questions. I've never thought all that much about belonging/not belonging. I am perhaps closer to hermit material, I exist in the outside world, but I think I do most of my living (belonging?) inside my head. I do wonder if that's because I'm not where I belong, or because belonging is a construct I'm not in tune with? I'm not unhappy, overall - and I have to wonder that if I found "my" community - would I engage with it? Much for me to think about here. No help to you, sorry.... Rogar, that video sounds interesting. If I can get a speaker hooked up to my computer, I'll give it a listen.

[catherine]

Rogar, I used John O'Donohue's book, Beauty, for my chapter on "Beauty Is A Fundamental Need." I also listened to an interview between him and Krista Tippet, interestingly enough... was it you that suggested it in an earlier thread?? Is this interview the same one I listened to? I'll check it out. Anyway, I found a lot of inspiration in his book and in the interview.

It made me wish I hadn't donated my copy of Anam Cara to the lbirary when I left NJ.

[pinkytoe]

Finding home is a constant source of misery for me though I try to think it away by saying planet Earth is my home. As long as I can grow things, I am reasonably content.We moved to Colorado seven years ago as it was my lifelong dream to be here but I do not feel at home here anymore. The family I had in this state has grown old, died and or moved away since. The friend connections I made prior to Covid seem to have dissolved. Folks here are more reserved that I am used to or maybe it's that way everywhere now. I spend too much time thinking about going back to Tx where grandchildren live but there are so many things I dislike about the state now- weather, politics etc. I suppose since I too am growing old that it makes sense to return to the family I have left. Putting it off just makes it harder.

[iris lilies]

The place where I felt at most home was our city neighborhood where we lived for 30+ years. It was the architecture, the gardens, and then the social fabric that provided a full life. I was career oriented and by the time I had worked at my job for 10 years I knew it was either time to leave or I would be staying there the rest of my career. I chose to stay there the rest of my career not because the job was so great But because everything about our life in our neighborhood was just right.

I need to be surrounded by handsome visuals that make me happy. But I also have a slight sense of adventure, so I’m not married to staying in one place all my life. For both of us, DH and me, we are very home centered and like creating nests but both of us are open to moving.

Decades ago, I spent some time in southern New Mexico. I found the desert absolutely depressing in its brown dryness. The mountains surrounding it didn’t make up for brownness. I loved the historic district of that town because the architecture was charming and interesting, and so many of those houses had green lawns. Well, as green as they could get around there. And trees, real trees Of an appreciable height.

When I went back to visit recently, I had exactly the same reaction to the surrounding desert. And had the same reaction to the historic part of town. There was such visual charm and elegance in the historic district and it was surrounded by depressing topography. If I could’ve lived in that part of town without ever going elsewhere, I would’ve been content, but that of course is not realistic.

I left for mainly a job opportunity, but I would’ve left anyway eventually since I craved green surroundings. One of my friends said “oh you didn’t love your boyfriend enough that’s why you left” but I would never choose people over topography. I guess that makes me not a loving person? Haha. I don’t know, but I know what I like and I am glad that DH is not stuck on living in one part of the country.

We both could easily move back to Iowa. We might even at this stage of life be tempted to move clear across the country to the PNW where gardening is great (but we won”t.) if the winters here in Hermann, MO were bad we could go south for the winter and enjoy that, but winters are not bad really.

[catherine]

Thanks, IL. I love "I would never choose people over topography"--haha! But it does speak to the importance of place!!! My DD is miserable at the moment because she loves her husband but hates the house. That's why I think this is an important topic. I do think place sometimes trumps relationships--it could be that important to be in the place you feel you belong.

I've been lucky to have liked every place I've lived in, but it's because I had to like it before I went there. Campus tours were important to me, surrounding architecture was important, and yes, greenery, was important to me. My memories factor into my preferences as well. Like music, if I'm in a certain place that just brings me back to another place I've loved, I'm happier there. I booked an apartment in Ocean Grove because on that particular day, the breeze was blowing the salty ocean air my way and it reminded me of Madison. Interestingly enough, I never smelled the ocean while I was living there. It must have been some kind of sign at the time.

[iris lilies]

Well, I think of myself as cat-like. I like my home and my territory once it is established. I am less concerned about who I share it with. Haha.

Dogs can be like cats.tho.,
One of our dogs was a complete home body. I knew if she ever disappeared it would be because someone picked her up and absconded with her, she would not leave voluntarily. She didn’t like going away in the car. She would have been fine to see us, her family, leave and another family move in to her house as long as they were kind to her and did not upset her her routine.