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Thread: A Sense of Place / Belonging: Need Your Thoughts

  1. #21
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    What John said: a place of shared values is important in identifying a sense of home.
    I don’t mean the knee jerk “political” red/blue values.Those are superficial stances, for me anyway.

    Ditto on how important is it to the community to protect itself…a key value.

    Since he brought this up 2 things came to my mind:

    1. I saw the erosion of “protect the community” in our old neighborhood as the urban pioneers died off and checkbook rehabbers moved in. Painting a broad brush, I consider the checkbook rehabbers as those who were not passinate anout, didnt see or care about preservation of the old buildings as previous residents cared. And crime. There was a shift in how our neighborhood residents treated local police. Criminals will always be criminals, you can’t change that, but you can (and they did) change their involvement with crime fighting programs. Little to no personal involvement, write a check for professional police patrols, is what they wanted to do. And then, criticize the outcome.

    I saw them as coddling the criminals and then being outraged when shit went down.

    2. We looked for strong social organizations in the place where we moved and
    Hermann has that. We see the same faces in the garden Club, in the Historical
    society, at the Art Gallery openings…community engagement is strong here. There is always tension in giving citizens vs tourists what they want but promoting and protecting the unique characteristics of our little town is important for all.

    When I knew I didn't belong in my home town was early on in all of the “rah rah aren’t we great” community vibe when I always objectively, considered it a not at all great place or even a good place. It was a barely adequate place and to this day I berate my home town and am aided by my brother and my cousin who live there. It is the worst of suburbia and I do not want to live among people who fancy it a “nice” place, they are not my tribe.
    Last edited by iris lilies; 1-1-25 at 6:39pm.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    What a good thoughtful,response, John.
    Thank you iris. I made an effort to explain myself, but it's difficult to explain, especially the last question catherine asked. The two films that better explain what I am talking about and what I feel are The Deer Hunter and Out of the Furnace. It's simply what you do; there's not much to talk about; it's just what is. There are not many choices; you follow the path; you don't ask questions. You belong, and that's such a comforting feeling—a feeling I never had after I moved—being welcomed, being accepted; it's the look and the touch of the old lady because you did what you were intended to do; you keep the spirit alive; you live by a code. I reached a place that had none of that. I had freedom to be whatever I wanted, and with that freedom come choices, and with choices questions to answer. It's easier to just follow.

  3. #23
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I agree with iris lilies, John. Thank you so much for digging deep and touching on some of those qualities, values and context that are so hard to explain or define. That's why I reached out to you guys--I'm grappling with a concept that I know is important and I know people respond differently to it. I need to learn.

    I agree that sometimes you can't define your feelings about a strong sense of place until you learn what it isn't by moving to another place. And then sometimes you return home, and sometimes you don't, but the feeling of home has already been imprinted on your soul. And I do think that a mis-fit between a person and the place they wind up living in can mean the difference between thriving and failure-to-thrive in the same way that blueberries grow best in acidic soil and peppers need full sun. And some of those factors definitely have to do with community values and shared history.

    I appreciate everyone here who has responded to my questions--you have all given me a lot of food for thought.

    A book that I think of when I ponder this topic is the book House of Sand and Fog. I've read the reviews and none of them really call out what I consider to be a key theme--how a place can represent monumental personal successes and failures. The house in the book title is the "rope" in a tug-of-war between the lonely alcoholic woman who loses her late father's home in a mistaken tax sale, and the family from Iran who purchases it with the intent to make it their new homeland, a refuge with views of the sea reminiscent of their home they fled in the Middle East.

    Anyway, I have a lot to think about!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  4. #24
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    I am cleaning out an old folder of clippings I had saved on various topics and one reminded me of this thread:
    "Home is not about a place, it's about an internal experience...a feeling that causes you to drop your shoulders, rest, sometimes take a deep breath...it always feels safe. Home is a place where you are known for who you are and where, at this moment, anyway, everything is okay."

  5. #25
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkytoe View Post
    I am cleaning out an old folder of clippings I had saved on various topics and one reminded me of this thread:
    "Home is not about a place, it's about an internal experience...a feeling that causes you to drop your shoulders, rest, sometimes take a deep breath...it always feels safe. Home is a place where you are known for who you are and where, at this moment, anyway, everything is okay."
    Thank you for sharing that! Do you know where it came from?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  6. #26
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I didn’t describe very well the place I didn’t feel at home even though I was raised there.

    It was a blue collar suburb with cheap housing. For decades there wasn't even a LIBRARY for god’s sake even though the little town we had moved from, further away and much smaller, had a library. I cannot think of ONE even vaguely interesting place/thing/event about that town other than our very cool old Victorian house.

    Well, I suppose I could say the population of my aunts,uncles, grandmother, and cousins in the town was another good thing.

    During high school I just wanted OUT and that feeling never left.

    I just learned that the high school football team won their 4th state championship in a row. That will be driving much of the town’s values and focus. Ugh, high school football

    I will admit when I visit that place, I am impressed with their grocery store. It seems high end compared to certainly our store in
    Hermann but even when compared to the good stores in St. Louis. I bought wine elsewhere before my last visit “home” because I assumed there would be no decent wine in that store but I was wrong, they had a nice selection.

    Also, I have to admit that amid the stupid, ugly, suburban yard decor there are lovely shrubbery and perennials in yards there, but that speaks to the quality of the soil there rather than any dominant aesthetic in that town.

    The population has exploded in the past 20 years with developments of cheap, ugly houses. Whether built in 1970 or 2024, the housing stock remains untenable.

  7. #27
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Interesting story, IL. So you obviously never felt a strong sense of place there. But I'm assuming that the there is something about the Midwest that you are attached to since you've lived your life there.. was it happenstance, or because you can't see yourself anywhere else? How would you define Midwest values?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  8. #28
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Interesting story, IL. So you obviously never felt a strong sense of place there. But I'm assuming that the there is something about the Midwest that you are attached to since you've lived your life there.. was it happenstance, or because you can't see yourself anywhere else? How would you define Midwest values?
    I’ve gotta have green grass and trees ( though not in my yard, necessarily.) this the number one criteria. I like seeing houses with lawns. I like old architecture.

    With that criteria I could live in New England as well. I could live in states more Southern than Missouri, but not real far south because it’s too hot. Every time I go up north to Minnesota I think it’s so beautiful but again pretty harsh temperatures. New England would have those harsh temperatures as well. But I could take— if I had to —cold harsh rather than hot harsh.

    I don’t want to over generalize “Midwest values “so I would just say we don’t seem to be as striving and class conscious as those on either coast and in the south. But I found that true out in New Mexico as well, and those folks consider themselves rugged individuals.

  9. #29
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    I didn't note the quote source at the time but it was from a book. I think the green and trees is a big part of my longing too. Summer and fall here are gorgeous but other than conifers it is brown season most of the rest of the year. I grew up in an older neighborhood in San Antonio shaded by huge live oaks and all kinds of semi-tropical vegetation so I do miss that.

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