Kali, Goddess of Destruction

[catherine]

So, I am not Hindu (although I do like Ram Dass's podcasts), but I can't help evoking Kali's name, because I think she has flown in to spend time with me and my family in 2025.

January
Mid-January, DH came down with pneumonia.. like he was laid up for weeks--his health is somewhat compromised anyway, but he slowly regained his strength without having to go to the hospital

January 23 my DD was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully it is only "locally" advanced, but she is undergoing very aggressive therapy starting next week and she won't be finished with the core part of it until around next November. TooMuchStuff, if you have words of advice you can give me to help her get through it, I'd love to hear it. You can DM me if you want.

February
Last week I went to a market research conference in Philly and was able to catch dinner with my NJ son who told me that the s**t has hit the fan with his wife. She has not supported him or the kids as a mother or wife in any way for a couple of years now. She will not get help for the mental health issues she admits to. He determined in December that it is over. He is going to be a single parent and he has started the process for that. So again, DH and I are gearing up to do what we can for that part of our family as well. DS and the two kids will be spending a couple of weeks up here in VT in the summer. The summer can't come soon enough as far as I'm concerned.

Then just after I told my DD and DSIL that DH and I would be totally able to babysit this weekend while DD prepares for her medical treatment, I tested positive for COVID. I'm hoping that I test negative by the end of the week (tomorrow). (stop laughing, Kali!)


So I just have to sit and wonder what all this "destruction" in my life means. Hoping I get the positive transformations I'm supposed to from all of this.

Is it 2026 yet? Thanks for listening.

[Tybee]

Oh, Catherine, that is a lot! I am particularly sorry to hear about your DD and sending healing thoughts her way. I know you guys are tough, but that is an awful lot to absorb at one time. I am glad that your son and grandchildren will be able to get up to VT over the summer--you really want to hold them close at times like these.
Time for Kali to move on.

[pinkytoe]

Catherine, that's a lot to deal with. It feels like the whole country headed south too as soon as the New Year hit. Ours is smooth thus far but I know from experience that can change in an instant.

[iris lilies]

Oh man, your daughter is too young for that bullshit. Too young! I am so sorry to hear this.

[catherine]

Thanks, all.

Yes, DD's diagnosis came out of the blue and quite shocking, but of course it does happen to young people. I'm just glad it was caught pretty early, and she is young and resilient so there is that.

[Tybee]

One of my sons got divorced and that was super hard for the whole family. Obviously hardest for him but it really was hard for me to deal with--still feeling the fallout 10 years later. The more they can stay out of court, the better, that's what I found. So much easier said than done--they were still fighting about things in court a year ago.

No one ever feels they get what they want in family court, there are no winners, that's for sure. It is a marathon not a sprint, much like caring for an aging relative. The more the parties can work things out together the better, but that's often not possible.

[catherine]

One of my sons got divorced and that was super hard for the whole family. Obviously hardest for him but it really was hard for me to deal with--still feeling the fallout 10 years later. The more they can stay out of court, the better, that's what I found. So much easier said than done--they were still fighting about things in court a year ago.

No one ever feels they get what they want in family court, there are no winners, that's for sure. It is a marathon not a sprint, much like caring for an aging relative. The more the parties can work things out together the better, but that's often not possible.

Yeah, I wonder how it's going to go. The hard thing is that he still loves her, but frankly, the kids were the ones that went to their dad and asked him to have her leave. Of course he didn't do it just because they asked him to, but it was definitely a moment of truth for him.

And, I feel bad for her in the sense that she's a human being, and I had a relationship with her, and it's sad to see the past 11 years become a "back then before the divorce" time period. I feel terrible for my son who has bent over backwards to make it work, but in the end, there will be peace.

[Tradd]

Goodness!

[iris lilies]

Yeah, I wonder how it's going to go. The hard thing is that he still loves her, but frankly, the kids were the ones that went to their dad and asked him to have her leave. Of course he didn't do it just because they asked him to, but it was definitely a moment of truth for him.

And, I feel bad for her in the sense that she's a human being, and I had a relationship with her, and it's sad to see the past 11 years become a "back then before the divorce" time period. I feel terrible for my son who has bent over backwards to make it work, but in the end, there will be peace.

Here is where I would like to gently point out that this is a good example of why you don’t put your children on the deed to your home in order to avoid the government confiscating it for nursing home costs. I’m not a lawyer, but your son’s wife has SOME legal interest in his assets and property. I would not want her hands in my primary and only home. I don’t know what those legal interests are and I would not want to find out.

[frugal-one]

So sorry for all you are going through, Catherine! I, too, am hoping 2026 is better!