Overcoming sentimental attachment to parent's old books

[pinkytoe]

I am making the effort to do Swedish death cleaning of possessions. I still have a box or two of old books that belonged to my parents that for some reason I have held on to. Examples - old Singer sewing books, old English poetry books, Gone with the Wind, 1936 edition and other novels of the 1930s-40s. I have no use for them but....how does one get past this queasy feeling of letting them go?

[catherine]

Don't let them go. Just a box or two of old books that prompt you to remember your parents? Big deal. Not enough of a burden to stress over.

When we went through The Purge, there were certain things that I felt the same way about. I would say to DH, "I'm not emotionally ready to get rid of this yet." And he would accept it, and so did I.

You can always change your mind at a later date.

[Tybee]

One thing I did a few years after my dad died was to divide up the books he had as a kid and send them to grandchildren in the family, so each got about five books or so. I think I kept one. I rebound his old Bible that he kept next to his bed all his life--the cover was falling off, and they did a beautiful job, and I went from black cover to green, for eternal life--he would have liked that. I kept his bookmark, which was a receipt from the hardware store.

But I do have a lot of books so it's not that big a deal to keep a few more. But a lot of them I passed on to younger family members. It did grieve me to lose his whole library, which did happen when my brother called in estate sale people.

[early morning]

Tybee, I smiled at your dad's bookmark that you held onto. I have a "laundry stick" - a piece of wood my dad smoothed down for my mom to use to poke laundry down under the water in her old washing machine. He made it when they went to housekeeping in 1940. It's just a well watered piece of wood, but it's so - her.

I am making the effort to do Swedish death cleaning of possessions

to each his own, I guess, but I don't get the whole death cleaning thing. My sibs and I wanted to go through my parents stuff. It was a family adventure/revisit of the past. My kids were involved. I'd have liked to have more time to do it, and it did create a mess as we all took way too much stuff to our own houses when we sold Mom's (which went faster than anticipated, so...). It was part of our grieving process. If mom had cast it all out ahead of time, I think I'd still be fairly bitter. It was our childhood, her and dad's life - and it was important. Since Mom's passing, we've gone through and let go much more of her stuff - but even moving it on, handling it, discussing it, brings back lovely memories. I'm pretty tactile. Things used are much more evocative of the past to me than photos are. I know lots of people don't agree, and that's fine. But me? Oh, yeah, keep the books.

[pinkytoe]

I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional situation so not too many warm, fuzzies for my parents. DD has no interest in these things so in my case, it makes sense to at least try to deal with these things.

[early morning]

Sure! Many people, many different situations! I don't do facebook or anything like that, but a friend of mine found great comfort in finding someone in her neighborhood facebook group who was thrilled to receive her mother's old books and some linens. Stories shared, items passed on, everyone happy. Getting them to someone who will really appreciated them might get you past your queasy feeling?

[iris lilies]

I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional situation so not too many warm, fuzzies for my parents. DD has no interest in these things so in my case, it makes sense to at least try to deal with these things.

Thank you for doing this for your daughter.

[Rogar]

I have trouble getting rid of certain family items. It might be my greatest weakness in decluttering. My suggestion for books would be to get rid of all but a favorite or two per relative. If you will re-read some of them at a later date or if they are part of you decor then why not keep them. If they are just hiding in a box in a closet, the sentimental value might be overcome by donating or selling them to someone who would appreciate owning them.

[rosarugosa]

I have trouble getting rid of certain family items. It might be my greatest weakness in decluttering. My suggestion for books would be to get rid of all but a favorite or two per relative. If you will re-read some of them at a later date or if they are part of you decor then why not keep them. If they are just hiding in a box in a closet, the sentimental value might be overcome by donating or selling them to someone who would appreciate owning them.

That's been my strategy. My MIL sent me a few of my FIL's E.B. White books after he died. She must have remembered that he and I shared a love for E.B. White in particular, and for books in general, so they have sentimental meaning to me. I had a really good relationship with my in-laws.