Small Talk - Can't Do It, Hate It

[Gregg]

Introvert at heart here. Don't mind spewing mindless blather at my leisure from a keyboard here, but can't do it very well in the physical world.

[JaneV2.0]

Then there's small talk's obnoxious mean girl big sister--gossip. Sometimes harmless, often not. My beloved meets neighborhood pals every morning for coffee, then fills me in later on the lives of people I don't know, will never know, don't want to know...Sometimes I call him on it, but more often I listen. The odd couple.

[Wildflower]

Small talk is NOT my thing!!!! But I try hard when I have to....

[Wildflower]

The odd couple.

Love it, Jane!!!

[domestic goddess]

Having to engage in small talk is really not the end of the age. I find that most people are willing to talk, so I think the idea of asking a question and then just listening to the answer is a good solution to the drudgery of having to carry on a conversation about nothing. Keeping a mental list of questions like AmeliaJane's seems like a workable solution. Of course, if you find yourself with another introvery who is doing the same sort of thing, you can both have a good laugh about it later. I think about the worst that can happen is that you might find yourself bored for a few minutes, but who knows? You may meet someone you can be friendly with for a long time to come.

[Fawn]

On the other hand... how do you become a good listener? Any great books or ideas to suggest?

Like anything else...practice.
Take some of AmeliaJane's questions. Ask one and only one. Listen to the answer. When the person stops talking, ask a question relevant to what they just said.

I dislike small talk, though I can do it. I do love to hear people tell the story of their life. But most people won't do it if you aren't listening.

[Tiam]

How wonderful! I thought it was just me!. I not only suck at small talk, I find that a huge factor is actually caring. I just don't care about little things. I notice at work many women love to talk about remodeling and decorating their homes. Don't care. Or they like to talk about reality TV. The Bachelor and what not. Don't care. Talk about the kids sports game. Don't care. Not caring makes it hard to do small talk. I can't pay attention and stick with it. And I feel like heel for feeling that way.

[Tussiemussies]

I used to be more shy and bad at small talk but now I look at it like getting to know a person more. I ask questions about them, and by the way, people love to talk about themselves. So I find some common ground with them eventually that we can share upon. When I am with women I'll ask questions like what are your hobbies, do you have children, how long have you been doing ------? Where did you get your hair cut. It really helps to break the ice and to really get to know others. It is a little hard for me with men since I am not into any sports but when summer comes along I'll talk about their lawn if they are outside and I am into having a great organic lawn myself so it works out great. If you like dogs that is always an ice breaker. I have net a whole neighborhood because of my dogs!

Good luck and let us know how you make out!

[redfox]

For me, small talk is a gentle way of being present with someone new or someone I am not friends with. We're checking each other out, gauging via body language, tone, & words if someone is safe, interesting, and interested in further conversation. I love engaging others in small talk. It leads to big talk! I am always confused when I hear someone express their distaste for it. I nearly always find a spark with folks. Perhaps it's an extrovert thing.

[Sissy]

I am an introvert and am not ashamed of it. The world needs all types of people. Small talk is a waste of time to me also. The problem is to not become a hermit (which I would truly love!)

Being introverted is not the same as being shy. It just gives you more time to think before answering.. I lot of people could benefit from that.

The funny thing is that when I am at work it is like a switch flips and I become the different person. Miss congeniaity (I am sure that is my opinion only), but it sure is great to be home!