I guess we were poor

[catherine]

Did you ever hear your grandparents talk about growing up without most of what we consider "needs" now and they say, "We were poor--we just didn't know it." My MIL used to say that a lot. She grew up in Scotland and they went through their days with the little they had, working and keeping house and trying to keep the kids fed and clothed. My grandmother-in-law walked three miles to get a certain chicken that her husband's gut could tolerate--he had had 3/4's of it removed. But, that was just day-to-day life--that wasn't "being poor."

The new Census stats came out and noted that there has been a decline in the poverty rate--except for in my state, where it increased slightly. I think the numbers are something like, if you are a family of 4 making under $25,000 a year, you're under the poverty line. (not the exact number, but very close).

I do remember when my kids were small, I was making $28,000 as a word processing supervisor--and I was happy to have gotten a promotion to that high salary! I know life was tough, it was touch-and-go. Would the electricity be cut off this week? Would one of the kids ambush me with a need for a check for a field trip? Would any of the kids get sick?

But I also didn't think of myself, even then, as "poor." Maybe I was. But I had a job! I was actually a supervisor! I had decent friends. We may have had no snacks, but we had food.

What made me feel poor was the neighbors dropping off cast-offs. When I had to tell my son he couldn't go on the field trip. When my debit card wouldn't go through for $11, and the school counselor was right behind me in the check-out line and offered to give me the money.

Has anyone else felt that they were poor, and they knew it, or poor and they didn't know it, or are poor now and know it? How do you define it? It's not just the dollars. I think it's also the feeling of shame, the feeling that you are on the lower rung. The feeling that something bad could happen to you that money could fix easily, but you don't have it.

If you have been through these tough times that some people call poverty, how did it change your relationship with money?

[Jilly]

I am poor, by just about any criteria you choose. Does not bother me much, except for the occasional moment like you share. I would love more resources to help make my life easier, but o manage because my needs are reasonable and I can ...mostly ...control my wants.

I am considering selling my car to afford dental care and to replace some things lost during a recent series of moves. I can live well without just about antthing, except for my cat.

However, should anyone have a wagon-load of cash they cannot use, bring it over.

I respect money for what it provides me and the freedom from worry. I have only what I have and that has to be enough.

[decemberlov]

When I was growing up we were poor. More so than I realized at the time.
We lived with a friend of my mother's church for years and then finally got our own apartment.
The apartment was Section 8 and even then the church would help pay our rent often.
Although we didn't have much, somehow my mom always provided vitamins and the healthiest food she could afford (with food stamps).
Health was more important than wealth and this is something I'm very grateful for having instilled in me.
Sometimes there wasn't food at all and we had to go to a food bank - almost every Thanksgiving dinner was dropped off in a cardboard box as a donation.

In my early 20's I made a decent amount of money and I spent it carelessly. I think I had this mindset that I had it (finally!!) and I was gonna spend it!!!
I no longer look at money this way and am way more careful about how I spend it (and save it!)
However, I think the biggest thing that I'm still working on is what I call "food hoarding" not in the sense that I keep bad food in my fridge or anything but I would get anxiety over not having my pantry overflowing with food. Most of it hidden in the back and not even getting touched or seen but having everything packed to the brim makes me feel secure. I work really hard now at trying to use everything and not waste it. Might seem silly but this is tough for me and something I struggle with.

[Tussiemussies]

When I was growing up we were poor. More so than I realized at the time.
We lived with a friend of my mother's church for years and then finally got our own apartment.
The apartment was Section 8 and even then the church would help pay our rent often.
Although we didn't have much, somehow my mom always provided vitamins and the healthiest food she could afford (with food stamps).
Health was more important than wealth and this is something I'm very grateful for having instilled in me.
Sometimes there wasn't food at all and we had to go to a food bank - almost every Thanksgiving dinner was dropped off in a cardboard box as a donation.

In my early 20's I made a decent amount of money and I spent it carelessly. I think I had this mindset that I had it (finally!!) and I was gonna spend it!!!
I no longer look at money this way and am way more careful about how I spend it (and save it!)
However, I think the biggest thing that I'm still working on is what I call "food hoarding" not in the sense that I keep bad food in my fridge or anything but I would get anxiety over not having my pantry overflowing with food. Most of it hidden in the back and not even getting touched or seen but having everything packed to the brim makes me feel secure. I work really hard now at trying to use everything and not waste it. Might seem silly but this is tough for me and something I struggle with.

December, I could see someone struggling with wanting to have a lot of food since they grew up with just enough to get by. Think we all try to fill some hole in us from our childhood that wasn't filled for whatever reason whether it be physical, mental or sometimes spiritual.

[Tussiemussies]

I am poor, by just about any criteria you choose. Does not bother me much, except for the occasional moment like you share. I would love more resources to help make my life easier, but o manage because my needs are reasonable and I can ...mostly ...control my wants.

I am considering selling my car to afford dental care and to replace some things lost during a recent series of moves. I can live well without just about antthing, except for my cat.

However, should anyone have a wagon-load of cash they cannot use, bring it over.

I respect money for what it provides me and the freedom from worry. I have only what I have and that has to be enough.

Hi Jilly, sure hope you don't have to sell your car to get dental care. Maybe there is an agency that could help you where dentists devote free time? Wish you the best, Christine

[ctg492]

I never felt poor growing up. I lived the 1960-70s middle class life, dad worked mom stayed home, small cirty house, one car. Mom will swear we were "poor" to this day. I did not get new clothes but at september, no extras ever. I do not think we were poor. Todays standard, it would be considered Poor or at best deprived? I suppose when I was unemployed and expecting a baby and the Doctor I paid $20 cash to each month to see, told me I needed to sign up for free food and stuff, I was poor. I never felt poor and did not take anything, I got a job.
Today I hear Poor tossed around a bit to often, sorry but that is how I feel. Poor, yet I see cars/cell phones/tattoos. I know that if I was struggling those are three things I would not spend money on. Ok done judging, sorry for my bad thoughts.

[iris lily]

DH and I were talking with a friend recently about "coming from money." Her definition of that is way different from how DH and I perceive "coming from money."

DH and I are from a place where it's common to be land-rich and cash-poor. People like that don't (necessarily ) "have money" and their children do not necessarily "come from money."

Our friend thinks that anyone who has, in their family, land worth a million and up "comes from money." She cant grok that that kind of small business farm doesn't throw off much income and in fact may lose money some years. And it took decades for the land to reach that value. She thinks of herself as not having any money, and it is true that she blows through everything she's got including a nice little inheritance of $300,000. she makes a good income, too, over $100,00 annually.

I am completely middle class but never felt poor and pretty much feel rich, even though back in the day I couldn't provide any measure of being "rich." Now I could come up with a couple of markers that might put me toward the richie end of the spectrum.

But it is remarkable how our internal feelings color our relationship with money. One thing that has always struck me about our friend is that she views almost everything in terms of monthly payments. I don't even know how much things cost, to live on a monthly basis, I think in terms of annual income and expenditures and growing net worth. I don't buy ANYTHING based on how much it will cost each month. As I think about it, another friend also spends exclusivly based on what she can afford per month, and she like friend #1 hasn't got much net worth after all of these years.

[try2bfrugal]

I used to think of my grandparents as rich but they were just smart about money. They had a two bedroom, 1,000 square foot house, one car and never took vacations. They just took a lot of day trips to shop, go out to eat some place cheap and visit relatives. They gardened for a hobby.

We have thought about their life as we think about downsizing. They never seemed worried about money or thought of themselves as poor. They lived in a nice neighborhood with well kept houses all the same size as their house. That is just the size they made houses in those days and one car families were probably more the norm.

I grew up with enough clothes to wear and food to eat, but every car break down and furnace repair was always a household crisis.

[bunnys]

My father made about 55k in 1980. At that time that was a pretty good salary. There were 5 children in the family (4 living home @ the time) and we lived like we were poor.

He gave my mother an "allowance" of $375 per month for ALL the household expenses including food for a family of 6.

We never had money to do anything and we all wore hand-me-downs or homemade clothing. We never went on a vacation when my mother wasn't working unless it was camping.

I make about 10k less than my father did and I live a lot better now than we did when I was a kid.

What a drag that was.

[Mrs-M]

Back in the 40's, 50's, and 60's, most people were in the same boat... "real-estate rich/money poor", yet everyone seemed to happily plod-along from day-to-day with little said, however, our generation has become very needy. Talk to most people nowadays, and they NEED a house, they NEED a car, they NEED a holiday, and the list goes on, but a generation or two ago, aside from home-ownership, a majority of people never knew what a holiday was, or money in the bank per se, and for a few, personal vehicle ownership was out of the question. It simply was not affordable or doable, and people respected their status, unlike today, where everyone busies themselves putting on a show. (An empty show, displaying their debt).

I blame the general populace of today for much of how we, "just gettin' by folks" feel, i.e., lesser-than, etc, related to financial status and so on. High numbers of those living in brand new fancy-schmancy homes are in the hole right up to their wazoo, and all the brand spanking new vehicles you see from day to day (fancy ones, plain ones, and everything in-between) are leased, financed, and added to existing mortgages, so to feel shame, no way! No one who works hard for a living and puts in effort should ever feel ashamed, because we are competing with a class of shallow people nowadays who hinge their lives (and status) on materialist things and possessions, and I like to think that "real", down to earth people like us, see through such false facades. We're better than that.

Money (per se), does nothing for me. Sure, we need money to live, and eat, and survive, but aside from that, to stockpile dollars for the sake of saying "I'm rich", or, I'm well-off", to me, is shallow. Nest-eggs are good, but in speaking for myself, eating, from day-to-day, having a roof over my head, warm clothing, and a handful of modern conveniences, is what life is all about. Short of not having a Cadillac in the driveway of our McMansion, we have it all. We have everything! Good health topping the list!

I would rather wake each morning and remind myself of "all that I have", rather than "all that I don't have", and gee whiz, what a miserable and boring life it must be to wake each day reminding oneself of how tight next payday is going to be (payments, etc), because "we're too busy trying to look cool".

One thing I have learned Re: life, is that for a majority of us (and I do mean a majority), making our way through life (without bazillions at our disposal), is reality, but if you can remind yourself (even for a minute) as to what you truly have, you'll forget about all the things you don't have.