If you (the generic you) dont have the balls to change plans, then it is best to start out these married lifestyles floating the idea “each year we will decide what to do for each holiday. This year I decide to spend it with you, dear MIL.”
The notion that each year is a separate plan sets the groundwork for a future change.
pinkytoe, did you ever consider spending a holiday separately from your husband? If he wanted to go to your inlaws but you did not, did the two of you ever carry out separate plans?
We did that for years and are fine with it. Xmas is just another day for me,and DH being there or not being there isnt all that important. To have *A* Christmas experience might be important to me depending on the year, but it doesnt have to be on the actual day. In some years when the mood struck, We took an afternoon or a day to drive around looking at lights, or visiting a holiday decorated historic site, or etc. then had a nice dinner. Over and done. Then he could drive off thru the shitty westher, spending 8 hours on the road, to arrive at the hugely hot overly crowded and noisy farmhouse in the middle of nowhere to escape, and he could spend that time with his family who are all nice people.
Meanwhile, I stayed home and had a peaceful quiet time. Win-win.