freshstart
11-22-15, 8:43am
Visited my mom in her room, very irritable and in pain, i should've made her comfortable and left. Of course not, she wanted to talk. Angrily, about our house. I prepped myself for the hoarder discussion (we never use the word hoarder in her presence) about how bad her room is, her biggest hoard in her room is paper and her friends are helping. Oh no, not that discussion, instead she tells me how our house is not nice and a mess, hates everything from gorgeous valances my aunt made to the furniture and rug, and she is embarrassed to have people see it.
Hold up there, woman, we made a list of who had what furniture and I let her and my dad decide what we kept, so that's on her. We used my furniture in the LR, except their ugly Lazy Boys. The DR is fine, no papers ever land there or in the kitchen, I will not let her hoarding creep out. The kitchen is brand new, no clutter allowed. To prepare for visitors, I literally just have to wipe dog hair off the couch and straighten the magazines on the large ottoman. We painted and it turned out nice. I let her hang her art that I hate. Nice FR in basement. And an office for my dad that is cluttered but it's his space. Is our house perfect? No, and it won't be until I can replace the ugly Lazy Boys someday, lol. Not perfect but not a thing to be embarrassed about and 10x better than each of our old houses.
I got mad that she feels this way, maybe if she came out of her room and looked, she would see it is not a mess, that our things look fine. Considering all that is going down in this house, I think we are doing pretty damn good keeping up the common areas. My dad just had surgery, cannot bend, in this huge contraption of a brace. If I bend, to say, empty the DW, it has to be a good day or the bending makes my BP drop and if I am not careful, I fall. She gives us no credit for a job well done considering our limitations. I tell her if she doesn't like something, we can get online, show her furniture or decorations and get it for her, despite this being incredibly wasteful.
then she switched gears, accused me of the 1000 sq feet of full blown hoard in the basement. All my stuff had been in one corner, all Rubbermaid totes labeled. Well, her friends, in search of items my mom wants, have strewn everything everywhere. My stuff I cannot find. They left a bag of un-boxed, loose lightbulbs in the middle of a dark walkway that I tripped and fell on. The bag prevented an injury with glass, but give me a break, someone is going to get hurt in that mess. I see Christmas stuff sticking out of about 5 different areas. It sickens me, I only go down there when I need something I know I have, but can never find. After my room is purged and organized, my hope is to reestablish my corner and put crime tape around it so no one touches my stuff. I'm the hoarder says the woman with a huge double cabinet in the kitchen of tupperware and the like and at least 4 more big boxes of it in the basement. I stupidly point out that I have strived to be the opposite of her and not accumulate so much stuff. Now I was picking on her. Ugh. Hoarder tears, with justifications for every piece of paper and piece of crap, suck. I should not have said that, it was mean.
i made her comfortable and left. I know it wasn't her but how she felt and her pain but she threw me for a loop criticizing the house she had final say on everything we did and now hates it and is embarrassed by it. That really makes me mad. And to be accused of being the basement hoarder, that went way too far. She criticized my room and called it hoarding. I have a ginormous pile of laundry to fold and put away. And a box of Christmas gifts and a pile of things to return. Once those 3 things are taken care of, my room looks nice. Do I need to purge more? sure and I will but it all fits for now behind closet doors.
I want to understand her hoarding, I understood it with other people, but when she brings it up and accuses me of being one, I get upset. I need to find a way to be more compassionate around this issue. I've already opted out of being a person who helps her unhoard, we always end up fighting, so let her sister and her friends carry on. But I should emotionally help her. She started OCD meds because taking her pills, many times a day, was starting to take her an hour. She has my dad up re-checking meds she has checked ten times at night. The med is not working yet at all. I'm hoping it helps with hoarding, too because I think she has that OCD with a hoarder component mentioned on here.
end rant
Hold up there, woman, we made a list of who had what furniture and I let her and my dad decide what we kept, so that's on her. We used my furniture in the LR, except their ugly Lazy Boys. The DR is fine, no papers ever land there or in the kitchen, I will not let her hoarding creep out. The kitchen is brand new, no clutter allowed. To prepare for visitors, I literally just have to wipe dog hair off the couch and straighten the magazines on the large ottoman. We painted and it turned out nice. I let her hang her art that I hate. Nice FR in basement. And an office for my dad that is cluttered but it's his space. Is our house perfect? No, and it won't be until I can replace the ugly Lazy Boys someday, lol. Not perfect but not a thing to be embarrassed about and 10x better than each of our old houses.
I got mad that she feels this way, maybe if she came out of her room and looked, she would see it is not a mess, that our things look fine. Considering all that is going down in this house, I think we are doing pretty damn good keeping up the common areas. My dad just had surgery, cannot bend, in this huge contraption of a brace. If I bend, to say, empty the DW, it has to be a good day or the bending makes my BP drop and if I am not careful, I fall. She gives us no credit for a job well done considering our limitations. I tell her if she doesn't like something, we can get online, show her furniture or decorations and get it for her, despite this being incredibly wasteful.
then she switched gears, accused me of the 1000 sq feet of full blown hoard in the basement. All my stuff had been in one corner, all Rubbermaid totes labeled. Well, her friends, in search of items my mom wants, have strewn everything everywhere. My stuff I cannot find. They left a bag of un-boxed, loose lightbulbs in the middle of a dark walkway that I tripped and fell on. The bag prevented an injury with glass, but give me a break, someone is going to get hurt in that mess. I see Christmas stuff sticking out of about 5 different areas. It sickens me, I only go down there when I need something I know I have, but can never find. After my room is purged and organized, my hope is to reestablish my corner and put crime tape around it so no one touches my stuff. I'm the hoarder says the woman with a huge double cabinet in the kitchen of tupperware and the like and at least 4 more big boxes of it in the basement. I stupidly point out that I have strived to be the opposite of her and not accumulate so much stuff. Now I was picking on her. Ugh. Hoarder tears, with justifications for every piece of paper and piece of crap, suck. I should not have said that, it was mean.
i made her comfortable and left. I know it wasn't her but how she felt and her pain but she threw me for a loop criticizing the house she had final say on everything we did and now hates it and is embarrassed by it. That really makes me mad. And to be accused of being the basement hoarder, that went way too far. She criticized my room and called it hoarding. I have a ginormous pile of laundry to fold and put away. And a box of Christmas gifts and a pile of things to return. Once those 3 things are taken care of, my room looks nice. Do I need to purge more? sure and I will but it all fits for now behind closet doors.
I want to understand her hoarding, I understood it with other people, but when she brings it up and accuses me of being one, I get upset. I need to find a way to be more compassionate around this issue. I've already opted out of being a person who helps her unhoard, we always end up fighting, so let her sister and her friends carry on. But I should emotionally help her. She started OCD meds because taking her pills, many times a day, was starting to take her an hour. She has my dad up re-checking meds she has checked ten times at night. The med is not working yet at all. I'm hoping it helps with hoarding, too because I think she has that OCD with a hoarder component mentioned on here.
end rant