What Do You PUT UP with, or loose a battle to win the war?

[heydude]

What do you PUT UP with in life and what do you refuse too PUT UP with?

I mean, how much do you stand up for yourself and how much do you realize that sometimes the battle is not worth it in terms of the greater war.

For instance, some things, that can be small, if you fight them, will end up costing you in the long run. Like if at work someone says something you do not like, you keep your mouth shut, because you need their help on a project later on..... or for them to defend you on a decision you both agree on, etc.

But, at the same time, you have life meaning based on what you hold dear to you and some things cannot be tolerated.

Have you ever had to deal with this kind of thing, deciding between the two? What are your experiences?

thanks.

[sweetana3]

Heck, people deal with this on a daily basis. What to say, when to say it, what to act on, what not to do, etc.

The saddest people I see are the ones who have not learned to choose their battles and find everything something to fight over.

I will not tolerate cruelty or abuse, whether physical or emotional. I will generally not tolerate someone else telling me what to do or how to spend my money.

What really sends me off is poor service/product. If I am paying for something, there is a minimum level of quality that I expect. After a beer, I have been known to take food back to a restaurant kitchen (when the waitress was no where to be found). I have complained to a manager several times when service or food is poor.

While working, my hubby said treat everyone well because you never know who you will have to work with or work under later in a career. Best to stay above the gossip and personal battles even if you are considered aloof.

[catherine]

I am not a confrontational person.. I tend to just go along, which works fine for me. I don't like fighting battles. However, when DH started smoking little cigars after quitting smoking for three years, I started a battle about where and when... such as, no smoking in almost all the whole house. I do let him smoke in his home office, even though the smoke carries through the ducts and I can smell the smoke in the bedroom--yuccckkkk.

When we drive in the car, in HIS car, instead of starting a war about not smoking at all, I've fought a battle about how much I can tolerate. I really can't tolerate it at all. I wear turtlenecks so I can cover my mouth and nose when he's smoking, which sounds really petty, but those little cigars are so much more pungent than regular cigarettes. So, he's allowed to smoke until we get on the turnpike. He can't smoke on the turnpike, but when we get off the exit, he can smoke again.

So, the smoking thing is really my biggest day-to-day battle. I hate it--my mother died of emphysema, and so I'm really intolerant of it. I just don't get it.

[Mighty Frugal]

What's a turnpike? And why can't he smoke on one?

I let go of the fact I get up every single morning with the boys and let my dh sleep a little longer (weekends we both sleep until 8am) I also do all the morning 'chores' unloading dishwasher, making lunches for kids, getting clothes for kids, walking kids to school...while he sleeps or lays on couch (unless he leaves for work super early)

I let it go because it's not worth fighting over-I know because I tried. I also make allowances for him because he suffers from insomnia and goes to bed wayyyy later than me (not purposely).

I also know he does other things, so although the household 'chores' don't quite balance out, I take one for the team.

I also put up with the fact that when I see my family-parents, sisters, close friends, I have to drive to THEM. They NEVER come to me. Ever. Even though I have two young boys. We drive there every weekend-it's a 40 min drive. Half my relatives are afraid to drive in the city (I live deep in the city, they live deep in the burbs) and the other half are either lazy or just don't want to waste their time driving down. They tell me since I was the one who moved-I need to drive up. They tell me that when I come I can see everyone at once-easier to inconvenience me and the boys rather than the lot of them.

I get what they are saying...so I put up with it although lately I've only been going up every other weekend-may change it to once every 3 weeks if I see fit.

[Fawn]

Oooooh....Mighty Frugal, I get the driving to family thing. As long as my 80 year old mother lives, I will drive to the town she dwells in. When she is gone, they will have to drive here to see me as I HAVE DRIVEN THE 2 HOUR ONE WAY DRIVE FOR 20 YEARS. In that time, one brother visited x2 when his kids were here for sports things and other brother was here x 1 on the way to a vacation south of here.

Other than that, Heydude---I currently work 55 hours/week as the benefits are good and I am convinced that I can go part-time [36-40 hours/week] about April first or so.

With the kids paternal unit--as long as he does not break the law, no quarrel on my part. But if he does, then rights become argueable privelages.

[Mrs-M]

I'm of the passive type, and hate confrontation. If I can, I simply ignore those who rub me the wrong way and move along. Like Sweetana3, I will not tolerate abuse on any level, aside from that, I do my best to just live my own life. So much easier that way.

[razz]

Safety, injustice, chronic irresponsibility and direct harm hit my hot buttons but for the rest, I may stew and then figure out how to deal with it quietly.

[domestic goddess]

I am of the non-confrontational sort, and I try to avoid conflict. But I will not tolerate cruelty or abuse (sorry, Mitt, you'll never get my vote!), or most of the "isms": racism, sexism, ageism, etc. I did get into an argument with a relative and I honestily thought he was going to hit me, and he could have really done some damage, but I am really a wimp at heart and was scared by that experience, so I have toned it down since. But he knows how I feel, and he has toned it down some, too, so I guess it did some good. We have both been on better behavior to keep some peace in the house. But, generally, I will just suck it up.

[Zoe Girl]

Hmm, work is on my mind so

I PUT UP with someone I don't work with often who just is rude and has to have everything her way. Our last meeting she said that she could not lead our meeting with cookies on the table because it was a serious meeting and therefore should not have food (all the staff spends all day in college classes and we asked them to come early) She is just not winning friends and cooperation. and I look like a great supervisor.

I DONT PUT UP with some aspects of knowing your job, Last week we had a statement by a child that fell under our mandatory reporting of child neglect rules. We did everything correct evnetually but the staff first of all had NO IDEA that this was reportable, then thought they could just choose not to, and then tried to interview the child. Outside of my job area this may make no sense however it is an annual required training and we just had it 3 weeks ago. No one feels good about making these reports, but you feel a whole lot worse if a child is hurt.

Okay,that is mine