Loss aversion in marriage

[redfox]

So interesting! I love Dr. Gottman's research.

http://www.gottmanblog.com/2012/09/avoiding-loss-aversion-in-arguments_10.html

[razz]

Interesting reading so thanks for posting.

I just finished a course on communications that indicated that the default mindset of the two parties is that each party believes s/he is right and the other is wrong and merely requires the right convincing to change. Professor Kehoe suggests that each one focus on actively listening and trying to understand or seeing the other's point of view. Often, this will do more to find a resolution to the issue.

[leslieann]

That's very cool. People seem to forget that a marriage is about relating, connecting, and supporting one another, not beating the other person. I want to hand this out to my clients....

"Even when spouses know they're repeating themselves and no progress is being made, 53 percent kept arguing anyway. Amazingly, 34 percent said they kept fighting even after they couldn't remember what they were arguing about. And 34 percent also said they kept fighting “even after they know they're wrong.” The fear of losing ends up compounding long-term losses in marriage."

[Dhiana]

When my husband and I have an arguement, the 'loser' blames the cat.

Poor thing has been dead for several years now but is still blamed for everything from
forgetting to buy the milk to that mysterious new dent in the car.

The answers to the rest of our debates can be found on imdb.com
I knew I was right about what year Sixteen Candles came out =)

[gwendolyn]

When my husband and I have an arguement, the 'loser' blames the cat.

Poor thing has been dead for several years now but is still blamed for everything from
forgetting to buy the milk to that mysterious new dent in the car.


rotflmao!:laff:

[Tiffany]

When my husband and I have an arguement, the 'loser' blames the cat.

Poor thing has been dead for several years now but is still blamed for everything from
forgetting to buy the milk to that mysterious new dent in the car.

The answers to the rest of our debates can be found on imdb.com
I knew I was right about what year Sixteen Candles came out =)

Our cat is also blamed for why our house is such a mess and other things. Why won't she do the dishes at least once a week? Do I have to do everything?!

And smartphone access to wikipedia likewise settles many of our arguments, except we often find that we are both wrong about something. Annoying! Then we resort to things like, well I got more numbers right in the date than you did! AHA! But I was closer to the actual date! AHA! First world problems.

[Gardenarian]

Nice article redfox. Thanks! I'm copying to DH.

Apparently, we also need to get a cat.

[Stella]

Hahaha! I love the cat thing. We so have to do that. Many, many of our disputes are solvable with a google search too. We have also borrowed an idea from someone on this forum (mattj?) and instead of launching into some rant we (ok, I, Zach doesn't rant :) ) have said a million times before we just encapsulate the whole thing by saying, "dishes rant" or some such thing. It works. It gets the point across humorously and without a bunch of unnecessary complaining.

[Gardenarian]

Thanks everyone! All done and I have lots of nice balls of yarn - not a billion pieces 3" long, which I was afraid of!

Now - onto my crocheting! I'm going to make dd a hat and a pair of arm warmers!