agreed, now you go tell SuperFan that you are taking his 187 shirts away. Bring a weapon
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agreed, now you go tell SuperFan that you are taking his 187 shirts away. Bring a weapon
I would never tell anyone they had to get rid of "their" stuff.
But I do think hoarding resources is indirectly stealing from the needy. I am a radical, I know. haha
Yeah, I know not to do that from dealing with my mom. You can give a little nudge, offer to help but, ok I guess I have to use the word, hoarders have to feel empowered in order to accomplish getting rid of the littlest thing and they want to make that decision. That's just my personal experience with my mom and ex-DBF.
I can never have a relationship again with a hoarder, because honestly even if they are "good" for a while, they usually relapse, and I view it as a problem that needs a therapist's intervention. And they are a trigger for me, I NEED to get them to go through their stuff. Not a good match. And I need to be somewhat on the same page regarding finances. How a potential partner chooses to spend their money is none of my business. But if it gets serious, I think knowing how they handle money is important. If someone has funded as well as possible for the future and they buy "toys" because they can still afford to, that doesn't bother me, not my choice but I could have a long term relationship with such a person. If they have debt beyond reason, do not stop buying, save nothing, have some weird mortgage they draw money from, this does not work for me. Life is too short to knowingly engage with someone with a lifestyle (hoarding) or financial plan that goes against you values
You know yourself well and your relationship style/quirks. So I gotta hand it to ya!Quote:
Originally Posted by freshstart
For me I think that the very act of a partner being really into buying toys or even collecting something would bother me. I am not saying no one should ever buy a toy or that no one should ever collect anything. I am just saying for me to life partner with a toy-buyer or a collector would not be good. I think it would indicate some personality concerns that would not sit right with me.
that's true, what I mean is I cannot live with someone who buys the toys before having their financial house in order and takes on debt for things totally unnecessary. Toys, possessions, McMansions, fancy cars would and did make me uncomfortable in other brief relationships, despite knowing they had the means. On dates, I had to offer to pay, even though the place we chose was not budget friendly. I felt guilty not paying my way. One BF said finally, "It bothers me that you try to insist on paying. This is a date, not trade negotiations. It's my pleasure to take you out and I hate having this discussion every time." Never thought of that and he was fun, mismatched values, but fun in the short term. Even if my salary doubled or tripled, toys, humongous home for two people, etc., would not be what I choose to do with my money. So let's cross another whole group of men off my wish list, lol. I'm gonna be left with one male left who chose to live simply, the Unabomber. When's he getting out? Is his cabin still available?Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler
Ultralightangler, you commented earlier that you worried about getting overly involved with a hoarder. I think that you probably don't need to worry about that. If when you are getting to know the person, they don't want to discuss what they enjoy or let you see where they live, I think you can call it a red flag and move on. I have a feeling that your lifestyle and a discussion about values are going to be front and center very early in a relationship.
I think that's good - you don't want to waste time with someone who wants totally different things. (when I was dating I always told guys I wanted 6 kids. I didn't get 6 kids, but the idea didn't scare dh off.)
6 kids?! That is a lot.
See all that time we didn't waste dating? Lol!
Hahaha! Yeah. Best to lead with your dealbreakers. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Chicken lady
"Broken up because of simple living..." Well, yes, that really the issue. Remember your thread about triggers for simplifying, and I said mine was Vacations? Well, my partner at the time was, and still is, a hoarder. We had a 23 foot Class A motorhome that we bought from a junk yard for $1K and rebuilt. It was the perfect size for camping and traveling and touring; we could park it anywhere. I loved the simplicity of it, we had exactly what we needed, and no more.
But he had to have more, and bought a new 30 footer, a "basement" model. Not nearly as comfortable and practical, but he had all that space to stash more junk, and he filled every square inch. The worst part was that Nobody was allowed to use "his" stuff, so it was just taking up space. And in true hoarder fashion, he could not part with anything. To me, that defeated the whole purpose of our simple camping/traveling lifestyle for several months of the year. After one very frustrating 10 day trip, wherein his 6 yr old grandson actually Used one of the 9 (!!) sets of markers and we had drama about it for days, when we got home, I found another place and moved, actually rather quickly. I just didn't want to live that way any more.