How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

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9-24-15, 11:57am
Float On

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

It was very selfless of his girlfriend to yield to his wants to be child-free.

I wonder why he did not tell her he was not interested in having kids. I also wonder why she would, around year 14, still think her big day was going to come (followed promptly by a baby carriage).

By then I think she was resigned to "this is all I get".
9-24-15, 12:01pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVRodriguez

I have read this thread with interest, as DH & I appeared to have some similar issues when we dated. I hesitated to reply b/c it can sound pretty bad to some people, and I can sound at times stupid or greedy, but oh well, I don't really care what anyone thinks of it anymore, and I know that DH & I are solid.

1. DH and I dated for 3 years before getting engaged and married within the year after that. We broke up several times during the 3 years, partly b/c he was not interested in getting married again or in having children ever. I proposed to him in the first year or two, and he said, "No thanks. Nothing personal, just not doing that again." Instead of ending our relationship, I decided that he was the best person I knew, that I wanted to be with him, and figured it would end at some point b/c I knew I wanted kids. Instead, he came around to marriage and to kids. In fact, he had to propose a couple of times to convince me that he meant it.

2. DH was cheap. Not frugal--cheap. When we first started dating, he was making no money and I was earning plenty, so I paid for almost everything, no problem, including international mission trips that we both did. When he started making a little money, I'd get offended when he would spend it on crap or on futzing around on his Jeep and then tell me he couldn't afford anything that I wanted to do. I did make him take me out to dinner sometimes at that point--usually to an ethnic restaurant, nothing fancy. We broke up one time b/c he refused to spend money on a visit to see me (by then we lived a flight away from each other) after I'd spent money and vacation time visiting him more than once. He was earning some at that point. I needed to know that I was worth his time and his energy and his money. When he did show up, he brought an engagement ring. Before I accepted the ring, I got the stone changed--from a chip to a tiny stone. I made him pay for it.

3. I believe in marriage, and I believe in going "all in." When DH & I (finally) got married, I tackled his debt with our combined income, most of which was earned by me, as if it were OUR debt, because at that point it was. I was happy to eat rice & beans (kind of easy when you're hispanic) and spend very little and simply be together. There is a saying in Spanish, "Contigo, pan y cebollas." With you, bread and onions (is enough). I'm the one who has budgeted and invested and grown our net worth, not by my income alone (we've both had ups and downs with income) but by my work for our family as a single unit. DH doesn't know from budgeting or investing. He's a great DIYer and has saved us thousands in home repairs and improvements. We are a team.

UA, if I were your girlfriend, I'd think you care more about fishing than about me if that's where you're putting your money, your energy, and your time.

Some folks drink, others take prozac; some smoke Mary Jane, others stare at the idiot box. I go fishing.

I have to do something to keep from going insane.
9-24-15, 12:02pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by Float On

By then I think she was resigned to "this is all I get".

So she settled? I think settling is underrated.
9-24-15, 12:24pm
JaneV2.0

Quote:

Originally Posted by Float On

... I would date, and I would enter a relationship, but I doubt I'd enter a marriage or even a live-in relationship. I really don't live well with others, I like my space and quiet and alone time.

I couldn't agree more. We sometimes talk about the duplex we'd live in--which usually devolves into an argument about fences, levels, exterior colors...Yeah, no. :D

And I was always completely upfront about not wanting children, which was a moot point since I had my tubes tied in my twenties. I wouldn't conceal something so important.
9-24-15, 12:28pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

I couldn't agree more. We sometimes talk about the duplex we'd live in--which usually devolves into an argument about fences, levels, exterior colors...Yeah, no. :D

And I was always completely upfront about not wanting children, which was a moot point since I had my tubes tied in my twenties. I wouldn't conceal something so important.

Jane: Why did you not want kids? May I ask what made you go to the lengths of getting a tubal in your 20s?
9-24-15, 12:37pm
Alan

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

there were at least two vasectomies that the patients attribute to ongoing physical problems. I believe them.

I had one nearly 30 years ago, and would do it again although I'd remember this time not to try jumping rain puddles the next day. Did you know you can hear stitches pop?
9-24-15, 12:42pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan

I had one nearly 30 years ago, and would do it again although I'd remember this time not to try jumping rain puddles the next day. Did you know you can hear stitches pop?

Ouch!

You would do it all again?! You did not fear complications, illnesses, or that sort of thing?
9-24-15, 12:51pm
JaneV2.0

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Jane: Why did you not want kids? May I ask what made you go to the lengths of getting a tubal in your 20s?

Reasons? Too many to count. The short answer is that motherhood never had much appeal for me--it seemed like a whole lot of work for a questionable return; my parents certainly didn't make it look like fun. :-D I wasn't crazy about children even when I was one. I had enough responsibility supporting myself, and I didn't want to give up my independence. I have no regrets.

I was surprised to discover that so many women found/find resistance to getting sterilized after I had my procedure done. I conferred with my doctor and returned a year later to schedule the operation. It was clear I had given it sufficient thought.
9-24-15, 12:52pm
iris lilies

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

So she settled? I think settling is underrated.

I see people who are ambivalent about their goals. Most of us have some vagaries in our thinking and having children is often one of those things.

But if someone clearly wants children and she is a competent adult, it is totally on her, in my opinion, to go get with a man who shares this important goal. The key word here is "clearly".

I see this all the time on Wedding Bee posts. There is a sad section called "waiting" where women write about waiting for their man to propose. Their biological clock is running out. They can't figure out if he will be up for kids eventually, or not. It's a real life dilemma.
9-24-15, 12:52pm
Float On

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

I couldn't agree more. We sometimes talk about the duplex we'd live in--which usually devolves into an argument about fences, levels, exterior colors...Yeah, no. :D

Made me laugh. When we were engaged, DH got sick and tired of all the teasing things men say to each other when someone is going to get married. He decided if one more person said something negative about marriage that was it...we'd just live next to each other. A friend came up to him and said "hey, heard you are getting married!"...DH thought, this is it. Guess, we'll look for a duplex. And the friend said "that's great, you'll love being married!" and walked off. DH ran after him and said "Tell me more!". We ended up being in a newly wed small group that that man and his wife hosted. What a great experience....and no duplex (though sometimes we wished we'd gone that route).
9-24-15, 12:55pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

Reasons? Too many to count. The short answer is that motherhood never had much appeal for me--it seemed like a whole lot of work for a questionable return; my parents certainly didn't make it look like fun. :-D I wasn't crazy about children even when I was one. I had enough responsibility supporting myself, and I didn't want to give up my independence. I have no regrets.

I was surprised to discover that so many women found/find resistance to getting sterilized after I had my procedure done. I conferred with my doctor and returned a year later to schedule the operation. It was clear I had given it sufficient thought.

Amen sistah!
9-24-15, 12:56pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

I see this all the time on Wedding Bee posts. There is a sad section called "waiting" where women write about waiting for their man to propose. Their biological clock is running out. They can't figure out if he will be up for kids eventually, or not. It's a real life dilemma.

This is for real?
9-24-15, 1:12pm
iris lilies

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

This is for real?

yep,go to Wedding Bee website, the Waiting board, and see all of the discussions about "should I walk"" and setting a "walk date" if dude hasn't proposed by such and such time.

Look, biological clock is reality. It's not just fantasy in women's heads.
9-24-15, 1:16pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

yep,go to Wedding Bee website, the Waiting board, and see all of the discussions about "should I walk"" and setting a "walk date" if dude hasn't proposed by such and such time.

Look, biological clock is reality. It's not just fantasy in women's heads.

Why are they so fixated on getting married though? Something like 40 percent of new moms are not married these days.

I guess that I don't understand why biological clocks are such a worry. Adopting a kid is the same thing. If a woman reaches 45 and then has a hard time getting preggers, why not adopt? That could cut down on that hurried feeling and mean she could not post so much on Wedding Bee.
9-24-15, 1:19pm
dinah

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

yep,go to Wedding Bee website, the Waiting board, and see all of the discussions about "should I walk"" and setting a "walk date" if dude hasn't proposed by such and such time.

oh my word. why don't these women just propose to their significant others themselves? egads.
9-24-15, 1:25pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinah

oh my word. why don't these women just propose to their significant others themselves? egads.

That would be unbecoming of a lady.
9-24-15, 1:26pm
Alan

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Ouch!

You would do it all again?! You did not fear complications, illnesses, or that sort of thing?

Sure I'd do it again. I'd think any man who no longer wished to procreate would take responsibility for his own fertility. That is, if he was responsible.
9-24-15, 1:26pm
JaneV2.0

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinah

oh my word. why don't these women just propose to their significant others themselves? egads.

Because they're spineless ninnies? I would expect so, if they're on a "Waiting" board. So much of how women are socialized to act makes me gag.
9-24-15, 1:27pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

So much of how women are socialized to act makes me gag.

What do you mean?
9-24-15, 1:43pm
dinah

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

What do you mean?

see your post above about being 'ladylike'.
9-24-15, 1:44pm
dinah

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneV2.0

Because they're spineless ninnies? I would expect so, if they're on a "Waiting" board. So much of how women are socialized to act makes me gag.

hahah, ninnies. such an awesome word. it all makes me want to gag as well.
9-24-15, 2:00pm
iris lilies

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Why are they so fixated on getting married though? Something like 40 percent of new moms are not married these days.

I guess that I don't understand why biological clocks are such a worry. Adopting a kid is the same thing. If a woman reaches 45 and then has a hard time getting preggers, why not adopt? That could cut down on that hurried feeling and mean she could not post so much on Wedding Bee.

I know your question is sincere but I suspect a little snark behind it. That's ok, Im pretty snarky myself so I will 'splain to you:

The 40% who aren't married occupy the lowest rungs of socio- economic society. If one wishes to join those ranks with babies in tow, go for it. I think that's stupid and irresponsible, I don't value poverty, but hey, those are MY values.

And that's what we are talking about here, values.

While a woman CAN reproduce without a man's commitment to his children as expressed by a legalized marriage ceremony, I think this cheats children out of important things. There are lots of details to this idea but
I'm giving you the executive summary.

Your idea that women should just want what you think they should have is silly.

Turning this on you, why don't you live with your girlfriend in her big house with all of her stuff,and get used to pooling your money with her so that you both can buy more crap and rack up the credit card debt? you don't because: that's not what you value.

Many women value a commitment as represented by a legally recognized public joining. On another thread we are talking about the legally supported financial institutions of society, one of them spousal Social Scurity benefits, and that's one among many reasons to get hitched legally.

I recognize that for some people, commitment without marriage is what they value. That's fine. I just think that in the vast majority of cases where they bring children into the world, kids are best served by two committed parents with legal protections.
9-24-15, 2:00pm
ApatheticNoMore

Quote:

You did not fear complications, illnesses, or that sort of thing?

well read about female sterilization it's a much bigger operation than a vasectomy - MUCH, then read about IUDs and how painful some women describe them as being to have inserted (they are but so is going through labor and probably worse) and what could go wrong (puncturing the uterus requiring surgical removal, but it's rare, or they could not take and keep coming out and having to be inserted again each time with less chance of working), and how some women have severe cramps afterward time of month and not time of month, then even read about how many side effects hormonal birth control has for some women (weight gain, craziness, nausea, lack of sex drive - in which case why even bother). And after you are done with that abstinence will start to sound good :)

yes my point of view most of the time is men don't understand anything, doh men - haha I never said they should date me (and they think there is something wrong with you if you take birth control more seriously than them, why worry your pretty little head about that dear .....) But Alan is too cool :)
9-24-15, 2:03pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

I know your question is sincere but I suspect a little snark behind it. That's ok, Im pretty snarky myself so I will 'splain to you:

The 40% who aren't married occupy the lowest rungs of socio- economic society. If one wishes to join those ranks with babies in tow, go for it. I think that's stupid and irresponsible, I don't value poverty, but hey, those are MY values.

And that's what we are talking about here, values.

While a woman CAN reproduce without a man's commitment to his children as expressed by a legalized marriage ceremony, I think this cheats children out of important things. There are lots of details to this idea but
I'm giving you the executive summary.

Your idea that women should just want what you think they should have is silly.

Turning this on you, why don't you live with your girlfriend in her big house with all of her stuff,and get used to pooling your money with her so that you both can buy more crap and rack up the credit card debt? It's because: that's not what you value.

Many women value a commitment as represented by a legally recognized public joining. On another thread we are talking about the legally supported financial institutions of society, one of them spousal Social Scurity benefits, and that's one among many reasons to get hitched legally.

I recognize that for some people, commitment without marriage is what they value. That's fine. I just think that in the vast majority of cases where they bring children into the world, kids are best served by two committed parents with legal protections.

I agree with most of this and still see your point on the things I am dubious about. :)
9-24-15, 2:09pm
pony mom

I've always felt that if the top five most important things to you are much different (or worse, totally opposite) than the top five most important things to your SO, things probably won't work out in the long term.

Why not alternate locations each week? Have her come to your place and you treat her, and she treats you when you go to her place? And maybe take a class or share an activity that's new to the both of you that you'd both enjoy?

Attraction only goes so far. The last guy I dated was a very devout Christian. Although we were greatly attracted to each other, it didn't work. He spent the entire time trying to convert me to his religion, which was very important to him. I had no interest in it, and although I loved being with him, often wished I was out riding my horse instead of hearing about Jesus all the time.
9-24-15, 2:10pm
Geila

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVRodriguez

I have read this thread with interest, as DH & I appeared to have some similar issues when we dated. I hesitated to reply b/c it can sound pretty bad to some people, and I can sound at times stupid or greedy, but oh well, I don't really care what anyone thinks of it anymore, and I know that DH & I are solid.

1. DH and I dated for 3 years before getting engaged and married within the year after that. We broke up several times during the 3 years, partly b/c he was not interested in getting married again or in having children ever. I proposed to him in the first year or two, and he said, "No thanks. Nothing personal, just not doing that again." Instead of ending our relationship, I decided that he was the best person I knew, that I wanted to be with him, and figured it would end at some point b/c I knew I wanted kids. Instead, he came around to marriage and to kids. In fact, he had to propose a couple of times to convince me that he meant it.

2. DH was cheap. Not frugal--cheap. When we first started dating, he was making no money and I was earning plenty, so I paid for almost everything, no problem, including international mission trips that we both did. When he started making a little money, I'd get offended when he would spend it on crap or on futzing around on his Jeep and then tell me he couldn't afford anything that I wanted to do. I did make him take me out to dinner sometimes at that point--usually to an ethnic restaurant, nothing fancy. We broke up one time b/c he refused to spend money on a visit to see me (by then we lived a flight away from each other) after I'd spent money and vacation time visiting him more than once. He was earning some at that point. I needed to know that I was worth his time and his energy and his money. When he did show up, he brought an engagement ring. Before I accepted the ring, I got the stone changed--from a chip to a tiny stone. I made him pay for it.

3. I believe in marriage, and I believe in going "all in." When DH & I (finally) got married, I tackled his debt with our combined income, most of which was earned by me, as if it were OUR debt, because at that point it was. I was happy to eat rice & beans (kind of easy when you're hispanic) and spend very little and simply be together. There is a saying in Spanish, "Contigo, pan y cebollas." With you, bread and onions (is enough). I'm the one who has budgeted and invested and grown our net worth, not by my income alone (we've both had ups and downs with income) but by my work for our family as a single unit. DH doesn't know from budgeting or investing. He's a great DIYer and has saved us thousands in home repairs and improvements. We are a team.

UA, if I were your girlfriend, I'd think you care more about fishing than about me if that's where you're putting your money, your energy, and your time.

Why would you think this would make you sound stupid or greedy? It sounds to me like you knew what you wanted, you made conscious and well-thought out decisions, and you were clear about what was important to you. This sounds pretty great to me!

Every couple is going to have to navigate the ups and downs and compromises inherent in any relationship, but being direct and honest about who you are and what's important to you seems the best way be. Personally, I don't think 2 dates a month is unreasonable, if they are affordable to the people involved. If I was dating a guy who scoffed at that, I would see it as a sign that it was time for me to move on. At that point, he could decide if he valued spending time with me more than fishing several times a week, or not.
9-24-15, 2:10pm
pinkytoe

I have a niece who at 37 became obsessed with the biological clock urge. She joined match.com and found her eventual mate there within a year and found exactly what she wanted - athletic, well-paid professional who wanted two kids and the lifestyle she was accustomed to. It seems to have worked out for them - six years later, he is making the big bucks, she stays home and raises a boy and a girl. She assumes she can resume her career when they are older.
9-24-15, 2:10pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by pony mom

I've always felt that if the top five most important things to you are much different (or worse, totally opposite) than the top five most important things to your SO, things probably won't work out in the long term.

Why not alternate locations each week? Have her come to your place and you treat her, and she treats you when you go to her place? And maybe take a class or share an activity that's new to the both of you that you'd both enjoy?

Attraction only goes so far. The last guy I dated was a very devout Christian. Although we were greatly attracted to each other, it didn't work. He spent the entire time trying to convert me to his religion, which was very important to him. I had no interest in it, and although I loved being with him, often wished I was out riding my horse instead of hearing about Jesus all the time.

Sorry that your relationship met such a fate. :(

She and I don't talk about religion very much.
9-24-15, 2:12pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by watergoddess

Why would you think this would make you sound stupid or greedy? It sounds to me like you knew what you wanted, you made conscious and well-thought out choices, and you were clear about what was important to you. This sounds pretty great to me!

Every couple is going to have to navigate the ups and downs and compromises inherent in any relationship, but being direct and honest about who you are and what's important to you seems the best way be. Personally, I don't think 2 dates a month is unreasonable, if they are affordable to the people involved. If I was dating a guy who scoffed at that, I would see it as a sign that it was time for me to move on. At that point, he could decide if he valued spending time with me more than fishing several times a week, or not.

Take it easy! I am giving her the dates and changing my name on here from UltraliteAngler to UltraBrokeDater. ;)
9-24-15, 2:16pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkytoe

I have a niece who at 37 became obsessed with the biological clock urge. She joined match.com and found her eventual mate there within a year and found exactly what she wanted - athletic, well-paid professional who wanted two kids and the lifestyle she was accustomed to. It seems to have worked out for them - six years later, he is making the big bucks, she stays home and raises a boy and a girl. She assumes she can resume her career when they are older.

Match.com should make a commercial with her in it! Many, many women on match.com are 37 and obsessed with their bio-clocks. I have been on second dates where women are naming our three kids that have to be born in the next three years!

Before I met one woman she said in the first online conversation: "I really want to be a mom. I am 40! This needs to happen soon."

I was still talking to her about which gourmet pizza place she wanted to go to on our first date. Then BLAM!
9-24-15, 2:17pm
freshstart

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

I cant tell from the Rev.UL's description if this is dating still, but with all of his doubts about their conflicting values, this is not a committed relationship or at least he isn't comimited,,we don't know about her. And the problem with these kinds of half-in half-out relationships is that they take up all of your time, and you aren't free to find the person who is a match.

+2
9-24-15, 2:20pm
iris lilies

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Match.com should make a commercial with her in it! Many, many women on match.com are 37 and obsessed with their bio-clocks. I have been on second dates where women are naming our three kids that have to be born in the next three years!

Before I met one woman she said in the first online conversation: "I really want to be a mom. I am 40! This needs to happen soon."

I was still talking to her about which gourmet pizza place she wanted to go to on our first date. Then BLAM!

she did you a favor. not a match! Move on.
9-24-15, 2:21pm
Geila

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Take it easy! I am giving her the dates and changing my name on here from UltraliteAngler to UltraBrokeDater. ;)

Oh, it's so big of you to "give" her the dates!:) As if the dates are such a hardship! Poor Guy :(. If you were my boyfriend, you would be changing your name to UltraSingleAngler! :):) But that's just me, either you want to be with me, or you don't. I have no patience for fence-sitters or wishy-washy in that area.
9-24-15, 2:23pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

she did you a favor. not a match! Move on.

I know. We ended up getting dinner and going to a bookstore just for fun because she was new in town. :)

In a way I felt bad for her... But the interesting thing is that all her friends and her 2 sisters were in the same boat! Educated, accomplished, good jobs -- no marriage or even prospects.
9-24-15, 2:23pm
freshstart

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

I am scared of getting snipped! There is a correlation with dementia and other auto-immune diseases. I am just hoping that birth control works until my gf goes menopausal.

are you aware of how many "menopause" babies there are? Do not count on that. If I were that opposed to kids and to getting snipped, my plan would be condoms, spermicide and an IUD for her, lol
9-24-15, 2:24pm
Ultralight

Quote:

Originally Posted by watergoddess

Oh, it's so big of you to "give" her the dates!:) As if the dates are such a hardship! Poor Guy :(. If you were my boyfriend, you would be changing your name to UltraSingleAngler! :):) But that's just me, either you want to be with me, or you don't. I have no patience for fence-sitters or wishy-washy in that area.

I was being cynical. I apologize. I promise I am way more fun and not so severe at all in real life.
9-24-15, 2:28pm
TVRodriguez

Quote:

Originally Posted by iris lilies

I know your question is sincere but I suspect a little snark behind it. That's ok, Im pretty snarky myself so I will 'splain to you:

The 40% who aren't married occupy the lowest rungs of socio- economic society. If one wishes to join those ranks with babies in tow, go for it. I think that's stupid and irresponsible, I don't value poverty, but hey, those are MY values.

And that's what we are talking about here, values.

While a woman CAN reproduce without a man's commitment to his children as expressed by a legalized marriage ceremony, I think this cheats children out of important things. There are lots of details to this idea but
I'm giving you the executive summary.

Your idea that women should just want what you think they should have is silly.

Turning this on you, why don't you live with your girlfriend in her big house with all of her stuff,and get used to pooling your money with her so that you both can buy more crap and rack up the credit card debt? you don't because: that's not what you value.

Many women value a commitment as represented by a legally recognized public joining. On another thread we are talking about the legally supported financial institutions of society, one of them spousal Social Scurity benefits, and that's one among many reasons to get hitched legally.

I recognize that for some people, commitment without marriage is what they value. That's fine. I just think that in the vast majority of cases where they bring children into the world, kids are best served by two committed parents with legal protections.

Similarly, I knew that I wanted kids but also knew that they are a lot of work and cost money, work and expenses that can most easily and efficiently be shared by two parents who live together and who have committed to staying together. That can be done without marriage, and of course there are many great kids who are raised in other circumstances. I know myself, however, and that's not what I wanted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by watergoddess

Why would you think this would make you sound stupid or greedy? It sounds to me like you knew what you wanted, you made conscious and well-thought out decisions, and you were clear about what was important to you. This sounds pretty great to me!

Every couple is going to have to navigate the ups and downs and compromises inherent in any relationship, but being direct and honest about who you are and what's important to you seems the best way be. Personally, I don't think 2 dates a month is unreasonable, if they are affordable to the people involved. If I was dating a guy who scoffed at that, I would see it as a sign that it was time for me to move on. At that point, he could decide if he valued spending time with me more than fishing several times a week, or not.

Thanks, and yes, I agree. As for sounding stupid, I fielded regular questions from some friends who asked me why I'd stay with someone who told me he didn't want to get married, that I was wasting my time. I also got flack for quitting my job (in a profession) to move 1300 miles, where I'd have to take another bar exam, when he could more easily have moved back to where we met. The day after our wedding, my brother kindly reminded me that there was still time for an annulment. I decided DH was worth it. On the greedy thing, well, heck, I made him pay more to "upgrade" my ring and spent $34,000 on a wedding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler

Take it easy! I am giving her the dates and changing my name on here from UltraliteAngler to UltraBrokeDater. ;)

UA, I have to give it up to you: you have taken a lot of heat over your positions here, and I give you a lot of credit for keeping your equanimity through it all. I can imagine that to be one of the reasons your girlfriend likes you!
9-24-15, 2:34pm
freshstart

Quote:

Originally Posted by Float On

I don't think I would ever enter a marriage again. I would date, and I would enter a relationship, but I doubt I'd enter a marriage or even a live-in relationship. I really don't live well with others, I like my space and quiet and alone time.

I had minor relationships of several years, married 10 yrs, LTR 7 yrs (did not live together d/t kid logistics), IDK if it's because I have been unwell or age (45), no age can't be it, for some reason I just don't care. I don't feel like being wined and dined even by someone exactly my type, going to plays, museums, traveling, music, even physical closeness and I definitely do not want co-habitation. I have no idea if this is normal at 45, I suspect not, but I want none of it. It's probably that I just feel like crap and cannot begin to figure out how to get back out there when the odds are good for the eventual public faceplant. But shouldn't I be sad and upset that I cannot date now? I'm really not, it's so weird.
9-24-15, 2:36pm
rodeosweetheart

Quote:

Originally Posted by pony mom

Attraction only goes so far. The last guy I dated was a very devout Christian. Although we were greatly attracted to each other, it didn't work. He spent the entire time trying to convert me to his religion, which was very important to him. I had no interest in it, and although I loved being with him, often wished I was out riding my horse instead of hearing about Jesus all the time.

Unless it was John Lyons. . .
9-24-15, 2:37pm
freshstart

Quote:

Originally Posted by Float On

And the friend said "that's great, you'll love being married!" and walked off. DH ran after him and said "Tell me more!". We ended up being in a newly wed small group that that man and his wife hosted. What a great experience....and no duplex (though sometimes we wished we'd gone that route).

love this!

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