Move to a cheaper state?

Hi, my husband & I are considering moving out of the state (CA) to his hometown of Colorado Springs, CO because of the high cost of living here. My children and grandchildren are here but our rental is getting more and more expensive with less upkeep. We both are retired. We don't want to go back to work to just live here, but moving seems equally difficult. I guess my question is, has anyone else done this to save money and still been able to remain close to their children? In some ways it would be an adventure. thanks!

Well there are also cheaper and more expensive parts of CA (in terms of housing costs, the taxes are what they are), which becomes a lot easier to negotiate if you don't have to be somewhere that actually has jobs.

Have you tried looking at less expensive cities, like in the central valley, or some of the more rural areas in CA? Or less expensive housing options like a manufactured home?

My in-laws moved out of state and one of the kids asked why didn't they just move to some place less expensive like Grass Valley. They could have seen a lot more of their grandkids over the years. We have visited many nice little towns on vacation. If you don't have to work near the major job markets it opens up a lot more places for consideration.

Prices in Sacramento and the outskirts are not too bad for California, it is a decent size city, the Bay Area and all its museums and tourist attractions are just an hour away, and you can even take the train to visit back and forth.

Here is a list of home prices by county -

http://www.dqnews.com/charts/monthly-charts/ca-city-charts/zipcar.aspx

Lots of reasons to get out of CA and high real estate costs is one of them.

Well, to me, being close to family is priceless. I know that with many families that isn't always the case, but if you and your family value the relationship you have, and you see each other often and you enjoy those moments, if it were me, I'd try to stay. I've already threatened my kids that if I can't afford my house at some stage I'm buying a Tumbleweed House on a trailer and setting up in each of their backyards for three months at a time (I have four kids). In terms of being able to stay close, three my kids moved to VT, and we of course talk on the phone, but honestly, too much time typically elapses before we realize it's been a couple of weeks since we've talked. As a result, all jokes aside, part of my retirement plan is being able to move back and forth. I'll be the opposite of a snowbird--I'll flit northward between NJ and VT instead of southward NJ to FL. Based on my own experience, I wouldn't count on having the same quality of relationship with your kids if you move away from them.

As you alluded to, the other issue is physically moving. Yes, it can be a daunting task. However if that's what you want to do, it may be a great way to just "get affairs in order" for the second half of your life.

I guess it depends on the weight you give each factor: proximity to kids; comfort with ability to sustain yourself during retirement at your current savings rate; desire to be able just kick back vs. work part-time just to be able to stay there. Another factor is, how badly does your DH want to be near his family?

Part of the solution may be looking at your life outside the traditional framework. What about finding a cheaper rental elsewhere as your home base and then, doing a regular tour to visit - use a small trailer or offer to housesit in the neighbourhood for friends and family as needed to stay close to family members.

Look for alternate arrangements that are possible. I have always thought that family should be free to live, move and work where the opportunities arise and the parents live their own lives with flexibility as needed worked into the equation.

Cathy - I feel for you. I live in the Bay Area and we sometimes dream of selling out and living off the proceeds - my husband is from Pueblo, CO, and he'd like to live there.

I feel pretty rooted here, not only socially but in the soil, the landscape, the weather.

We have multiple plans for the future. One scenario involves using our town's low-cost senior housing (55+). They are quite nice townhouses, you can have pets, get your own garden, etc. Is there anything like that where you live? We are on the list - we are not planning on moving there (I have a teenager at home!) but when she grows up and out and if one of us is left alone, it is our back up plan. (One of them.)

I'm trying to find (and failing) the story about the older woman who built a small home in the backyard of one of her kid's houses. Very cool. Would you consider living with your kids?

I have and am faced with moving often, away from family. It has always tore me apart. Similar but different, one time years ago(when I watched tv) on Dr.Phil, a couple was struggling with moving away to advance. Dr Phil asked if she would stop her loved one if they had to move for money, choice of area. Would she understand or stand in their way? Would they not move to stay by her? I try to remember that, but it is so hard, I understand what you are saying.

The only thing is will you like where your husband grew up? You probably have visited there if family is still there? We moved to a lower cost area and moved back. The culture was not for us. Now we are back and happy again...just a thought. Chris

There is no substitute for loving where you live, for whatever reason you love it. If one of the most important things to you is watching your grandchildren grow up, find another solution to being close to them physically- maybe some extra distance where housing is cheaper, a cohousing solution, etc. This is unless the children/grandchildren are also considering moving and would remove your primary reason for living your area of CA in the first place. Have you had a chat with your children? What do they think?
As for my perspective, my parents moved far away from their parents and I did not have a close relationship to any of my grandparents. My sister moved far away from my parents, her in-laws and me, and it's not a terribly close relationship with her kid. Skype only goes so far with a 3 year old, after all.
The one friend I have whose parents and siblings are somewhat close to her children is a teacher who takes the kids back to her hometown for the bulk of the summer, and has every year. Her mom comes to visit a couple of times a year as well and stays for a few weeks each time. That friend purposely lives far away from her family because she is gay and could not be free to be herself if she lived in their area.
If there's some sort of inexpensive way for you to spend large amounts of time with your children and grandchildren then maybe. It may be possible, for example, for the grandkids to visit for the bulk of the summer when they are out of school. Otherwise, see if there's a workable solution closer to where they live. If you're sick of CA for various other reasons or have always wanted to live in CO for other reasons, then you might have more to think about.

No kids but when I wanted to leave paid employment at age 42 and live off savings - yet stay close to my older parents who, like me, lived in expensive Orange County, CA. - I moved to a much less expensive part of CA. Only 100 miles away in a beautiful mountain, ski, and lake resort town. Housing, including rentals, were about one-third of the cost. So, since you aren't tied to a job, I would suggest you look for areas you like in CA. rather than move out of state if it's important to stay near your family.

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Originally Posted by Spartana

No kids but when I wanted to leave paid employment at age 42 and live off savings - yet stay close to my older parents who, like me, lived in expensive Orange County, CA. - I moved to a much less expensive part of CA. Only 100 miles away in a beautiful mountain, ski, and lake resort town. Housing, including rentals, were about one-third of the cost. So, since you aren't tied to a job, I would suggest you look for areas you like in CA. rather than move out of state if it's important to stay near your family.

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This is very true. We live in Calaveras County about 2 to 3 hour drive form the Bay Area. We live in the Sierra near ski resorts and many lakes and housing cost are very low and still have not recovered much from the recession. Most of the homes are second homes is probably the reason for the slow recovery. If you don't care for snow you can live in the motherload and housing is even cheaper.

Thanks Catherine, since my divorce 10 years ago it's been hard connecting with my children, my ex has enmeshed himself into their lives and leaves little "breathing room" for me to be there too. He even showed up at my daughters baby shower dressed as a woman, to the shock of everyone there. We communicate mainly through phone calls and the birthday & holiday visits. It would be very expensive for us to stay here, draining our savings. My husband just wants ease, not stress. thanks for your reply!

Thank you for giving me the chart of housing costs. Unfortunately we do not have the income to afford to buy at these costs!

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Originally Posted by Cathy

Thank you for giving me the chart of housing costs. Unfortunately we do not have the income to afford to buy at these costs!

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I didn't mean it for just buying, but home prices are also a relative indicator of rents. I went to Chico over the summer and the rent signs were pretty reasonable, and that is even in a college town. I do wonder if Colorado housing is really any cheaper than the more rural parts of California. Good luck in whatever you decide.

That was really weird about the baby shower.

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I do wonder if Colorado housing is really any cheaper than the more rural parts of California.

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I've been looking at CO real estate too as I would like to return there when I retire. The "affordable" areas seem economically depressed. Everything else is probably out of our retirement income range:(
Co Sprngs however seems pretty reasonable as far as housing. Just don't know what it would be like to actually live in that particular city.

The baby shower story is both hilarious and kind of creepy. :)

I really appreciate your responses! The idea that I could be free to live my own life too, outside of the traditional framework! This was like a breath of fresh air. We are so strapped here and I know my DH is staying here mainly for me to try to be close to my children and grandchildren. thanks again.......

If your contact is mostly phone calls and a couple of in-person visits a year, then maybe it would be good to consider moving. It's possible that would actually increase your relationship with them, since if they were visiting you then the ex would presumably not be there also and you would have a large stretch of time together rather than a few hours a few times a year if this is what the situation is currently. You would have to assess your family dynamics as to whether that might improve things or not. As for housing costs, it would totally depend on where you went but unless you're going for high luxury it's probably cheaper than LA area especially outside of the central metro areas of Denver and some of the tony suburbs.

We lived in a resort town in Rocky Mountains for years and had a parade of family visitors, even quite extended family, who would stay with us while vacationing (note NOT low cost of living where we were, but at least tax structure was easier on locals as most taxes gotten through tourist geared taxes). If your kids are in position to travel, Colorado Springs is a great homebase to visit Colorado from - and you might get regular visits with just them (no ex incognito) that are more intimate.

Other than that, I deeply regret the move there for me.
My dear Grandmother (who was more like my mom as she was the one that really raised me) was teetering on illness when we left and I spent all my time flying back to care for her while I had my own little babies in tow.
I did not connect with the lunar landscape (yes, it is beyond beautiful and I loved the outdoor activities, but I really didn't understand how connected I am to a lush, green environment)

How well do you get along with DH's family? Can you count on them as changes in your health may occur down the road?

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Originally Posted by RosieTR

If your contact is mostly phone calls and a couple of in-person visits a year, then maybe it would be good to consider moving. It's possible that would actually increase your relationship with them, since if they were visiting you then the ex would presumably not be there also and you would have a large stretch of time together rather than a few hours a few times a year if this is what the situation is currently. You would have to assess your family dynamics as to whether that might improve things or not. As for housing costs, it would totally depend on where you went but unless you're going for high luxury it's probably cheaper than LA area especially outside of the central metro areas of Denver and some of the tony suburbs.

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Thanks, our relationship seems to be mostly phone calls and on a good month, maybe a visit for an hour twice a month. I've thought we would actually get along better if I moved too. Less interfercence from my ex. I really appreciate your reply!

We live in Northern CA, where it is indeed beautiful, but dry and brown in the summer, green in the winter. I too, miss the lush green of my growing up on the East Coast. My DH really only has a sister there, but several long time friends. We can certainly count on them for help in the future! I just used facetime with my daughter, and we got along better than when we see each other in person! My oldest sister (by 8 years) is more like my mother, she was really the one to raise me. She is in WA so that's not an issue......, thanks for your feedback, it's been painful to decide, but I really appreciate the support here!

FYI, Cathy, I don't know if the climate will be much better/different. It's not the east coast, though this year it's trying. Higher up in the mountains esp on the western slope, maybe (like Ouray) but those are small, small towns. The bigger towns/cities on the west side are down where it's quite a bit drier, more like southern CA but with snow.

It's really tough to decide. You don't really know a place until you *live* there for some time and it's not like visiting. Knowing friends and maybe a little family makes it better, esp if you get along well, because they may help you deal with the unexpected stuff you encounter with a new place. I think a good place to start is figuring out what you like about a place, and how you can get the most of that. The best thing is to weight those options, so maybe "knowing good friends" would be weighted much higher than "has a good library" or some such. For me, for example, I love forest wilderness, having lots of physically active friends and opportunities, great beer and a moderate political climate which makes me love living here. Had I really thought deeply about what makes people love Phoenix, I never would have moved there: the amenities of a huge city, never dealing with snow, nearly round-the-year baseball, lots of opportunities to golf, desert hiking and every type of Mexican food imaginable are things people love about being there, but I could care less about pretty much all of them. So far what I have picked up from your post is that you really need to lower your housing costs while maintaining a connection to your kids and grandkids. Your DH has friends and a little bit of family in CO Springs, but something is making *you* hesitate. What is that? Figure that out and your path may clear up. It sounds like it has to do with your kids and grandkids (how committed are they to visiting if you move? could you visit them for an extended period both financially and logistically?) but maybe other stuff too? Like the climate or culture? What will your day-to-day life look like if you move elsewhere in CA, or to the Springs, or even somewhere totally different? Those are tough and take some thought, research, and most of all communication with DH. Best of luck!

Another option - if you are older than 65 (or maybe it's 55) and low income/asset is to look into subsidized senior housing thru a HUD type program. My grandma rented a very cute "active seniors" apt in Colfax, CA. for a subsidized amount based on her small social security benefit - her only income even after working most of her life. I imagine there would a long waiting list for such places but might be worth checking out. Also regular unsubsidized over 55 apts are usually a lot less expensive than all ages apts .

Thanks, there is more to consider than just my family. What do I want? I love to be outside, have the windows open much of the time, slow pace of life, not too much traffic, not worrying about money, not having the houses right next to on another! thanks for opening my eyes to new questions!

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Originally Posted by Spartana

Another option - if you are older than 65 (or maybe it's 55) and low income/asset is to look into subsidized senior housing thru a HUD type program. My grandma rented a very cute "active seniors" apt in Colfax, CA. for a subsidized amount based on her small social security benefit - her only income even after working most of her life. I imagine there would a long waiting list for such places but might be worth checking out. Also regular unsubsidized over 55 apts are usually a lot less expensive than all ages apts .

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I looked into it, but we are right above the limit!

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Originally Posted by Cathy

Thanks, there is more to consider than just my family. What do I want? I love to be outside, have the windows open much of the time, slow pace of life, not too much traffic, not worrying about money, not having the houses right next to on another! thanks for opening my eyes to new questions!

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Well plane tickets a few times a year to visit family in Calif are much cheaper than housing in most of Calif :-) :-) .

I also share your dilemma in that I would like to live somewhere I really love and that is less expensive then the places I would consider living in Calif - which are only coastal or mountain areas. But then I would be far from family and friends. I've found a compromise - I'm not tied to a job so am able to travel a large part of the year. I can choose to live far from Calif and just visit part of the year. Right now I do the opposite - live in Calif and travel to all those beautiful places part of the year. But will eventually move out of here.

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I also share your dilemma in that I would like to live somewhere I really love and that is less expensive then the places I would consider living in Calif - which are only coastal or mountain areas. Butt then I would be far from family and friends.

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Yea, people are the only reason I stay here. I mean whatever, there are likely some places I'd hate a lot more, but it's expensive and there are definitely places I'd probably prefer.

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I've found a compromise by being able to travel a large part of the year.

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I've realized I actually make more than enough to live here and then some, despite cost of living, as long as I stay far far away (stay away!) from "buy a house" dreams. Because other than that, food isn't that bad (probably cheaper than many places), utilities are super cheapo, gas is more than elsewhere but I drive a small car, and taxes are more than many places.

Yeah renting can be the way to go in Calif - especially if you can do a shared rental. I can only afford to buy in the coastal part of "The OC" because Sis and I bought a funky old place together during the downturn. And we couldn't even do that now as a place like ours just old for $150k MORE than we paid a year ago. If I wanted to live here on my income I'd be renting a room as even a small one bedroom apt is more than my monthly income. Of course the beauty of not being tied to a job is that you can move to cheaper areas. Like I did by moving to Big Bear Lake where you can rent an entire house for the price of a room rental here in Huntington Beach. And you're still only 90 minutes away!

ETA - now I'm wondering if I should sell and move again. Sis got transferred further away and is renting a room near her work, housing prices have risen dramaticly, and I worry they may fall if the government goes all whacko again. Apparently that short shutdown is causing investors and potential house buyers from buying for fear of interest rates rising and values dropping.

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Originally Posted by freein05

This is very true. We live in Calaveras County about 2 to 3 hour drive form the Bay Area. We live in the Sierra near ski resorts and many lakes and housing cost are very low and still have not recovered much from the recession. Most of the homes are second homes is probably the reason for the slow recovery. If you don't care for snow you can live in the motherload and housing is even cheaper.

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My cousin is selling her place in Tahoe and moving down towards the Auburn area. Figures she can buy a place somewhere between Sac and Tahoe for about half of what she'll get for her Tahoe cabin. However, as you pointed out, most people buying there are buying second homes so things are moving slowly.

We live in San Francisco right now (and have been here about 5 years). Renting because purchase prices are ridiculous and when I ran the numbers 6 months ago I figured we'd be out of pocket monthly about 33% more than we currently pay in rent in order to get something similar. Plus we'd have a huge amount of money tied up in the down payment. If housing prices keep going up the way they are now we'll have been foolish to not purchase now but I don't believe prices can keep going up like they have. The mantra that real estate always goes up only applies when it's not doing bubble-like things such as going up way faster than the average income, etc, so I believe that at some point SF prices will come down yet again. Predicting that next peak is an impossible game that I don't want to play.

Although I like San Francisco I haven't fell in love with being in this city the way I did NYC when I first moved there 23 years ago, so I would actually like to move up to the Russian River area. We go all the time for weekends and both love it. And most of our friends here go up to Sonoma on a regular basis so we'd still get to see them. With my current job I could work from home and come into the city for maybe 1 day/week to the office and for meetings outside the office, and I could still easily get to the airport for my frequent work trips to various other west coast cities, so living there would work fine and would probably cut my total commute time by condensing it all into one long roundtrip each week instead of the 5 hours/week that I currently spend going to the office every day. Unfortunately SO can't work from home more than maybe 1 day/week. He's in HR and not being in the office most of the time kind of takes the H out of HR... So if we bought up there we'd still have to have at least a small rental in the city for him to stay at during the week which would throw the cost savings of buying in Russian River out the window.

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Originally Posted by jp1

We live in San Francisco right now (and have been here about 5 years). Renting because purchase prices are ridiculous and when I ran the numbers 6 months ago I figured we'd be out of pocket monthly about 33% more than we currently pay in rent in order to get something similar. Plus we'd have a huge amount of money tied up in the down payment. If housing prices keep going up the way they are now we'll have been foolish to not purchase now but I don't believe prices can keep going up like they have. The mantra that real estate always goes up only applies when it's not doing bubble-like things such as going up way faster than the average income, etc, so I believe that at some point SF prices will come down yet again. Predicting that next peak is an impossible game that I don't want to play.

Although I like San Francisco I haven't fell in love with being in this city the way I did NYC when I first moved there 23 years ago, so I would actually like to move up to the Russian River area. We go all the time for weekends and both love it. And most of our friends here go up to Sonoma on a regular basis so we'd still get to see them. With my current job I could work from home and come into the city for maybe 1 day/week to the office and for meetings outside the office, and I could still easily get to the airport for my frequent work trips to various other west coast cities, so living there would work fine and would probably cut my total commute time by condensing it all into one long roundtrip each week instead of the 5 hours/week that I currently spend going to the office every day. Unfortunately SO can't work from home more than maybe 1 day/week. He's in HR and not being in the office most of the time kind of takes the H out of HR... So if we bought up there we'd still have to have at least a small rental in the city for him to stay at during the week which would throw the cost savings of buying in Russian River out the window.

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I just got back from that area a few days ago - staying mostly in the town of Petaluma just a short stunning drive to the Russian River as well as the coast and both Sonoma and Napa wine country and San Fran. I absolutely love that town and the whole surrounding area BUT it is expensive. Not SF expensive but definetly up there. I looked at property along the Russian River in Gueneville and it's more affordable but they do have bad flooding issues there every year. And being a small town as well as a gay town neither is appealing to me as a single hetero female. But Sebastapol, Santa Rosa, Healdsburg and some of the other towns are appealing. I lived in Petaluma and Novato both for a few years - there is a big Coast Guard training center just outside of Petaluma and a Strike Team in Novato I and DH were stationed at. Novato is nice but it's more expensive than Petaluma and not nearly as charming.

Almost everyone I know has moved out of California as they retired. But then, they came from the midwest and the east coast, so they have family and acquaintances to move to. I've been here all of my life, and my daughter and grandsons are here, so I don't think I'll be moving any where any time soon.

Though my brother continually tells me it's cheaper where he lives - Redding - but gasoline is higher, he pays a higher rate for gas, electric, and water, and the prices in the grocery stores there shock me- not to mention that they drive 4 times as far to the store as I do. Their taxes are all just as high. Houses may be slightly cheaper, but I think by the time I figured in selling/buying/moving costs it would be a wash.