Move to a cheaper state?

[Cathy]

If your contact is mostly phone calls and a couple of in-person visits a year, then maybe it would be good to consider moving. It's possible that would actually increase your relationship with them, since if they were visiting you then the ex would presumably not be there also and you would have a large stretch of time together rather than a few hours a few times a year if this is what the situation is currently. You would have to assess your family dynamics as to whether that might improve things or not. As for housing costs, it would totally depend on where you went but unless you're going for high luxury it's probably cheaper than LA area especially outside of the central metro areas of Denver and some of the tony suburbs.

Thanks, our relationship seems to be mostly phone calls and on a good month, maybe a visit for an hour twice a month. I've thought we would actually get along better if I moved too. Less interfercence from my ex. I really appreciate your reply!

[Cathy]

We live in Northern CA, where it is indeed beautiful, but dry and brown in the summer, green in the winter. I too, miss the lush green of my growing up on the East Coast. My DH really only has a sister there, but several long time friends. We can certainly count on them for help in the future! I just used facetime with my daughter, and we got along better than when we see each other in person! My oldest sister (by 8 years) is more like my mother, she was really the one to raise me. She is in WA so that's not an issue......, thanks for your feedback, it's been painful to decide, but I really appreciate the support here!

[RosieTR]

FYI, Cathy, I don't know if the climate will be much better/different. It's not the east coast, though this year it's trying. Higher up in the mountains esp on the western slope, maybe (like Ouray) but those are small, small towns. The bigger towns/cities on the west side are down where it's quite a bit drier, more like southern CA but with snow.

It's really tough to decide. You don't really know a place until you *live* there for some time and it's not like visiting. Knowing friends and maybe a little family makes it better, esp if you get along well, because they may help you deal with the unexpected stuff you encounter with a new place. I think a good place to start is figuring out what you like about a place, and how you can get the most of that. The best thing is to weight those options, so maybe "knowing good friends" would be weighted much higher than "has a good library" or some such. For me, for example, I love forest wilderness, having lots of physically active friends and opportunities, great beer and a moderate political climate which makes me love living here. Had I really thought deeply about what makes people love Phoenix, I never would have moved there: the amenities of a huge city, never dealing with snow, nearly round-the-year baseball, lots of opportunities to golf, desert hiking and every type of Mexican food imaginable are things people love about being there, but I could care less about pretty much all of them. So far what I have picked up from your post is that you really need to lower your housing costs while maintaining a connection to your kids and grandkids. Your DH has friends and a little bit of family in CO Springs, but something is making *you* hesitate. What is that? Figure that out and your path may clear up. It sounds like it has to do with your kids and grandkids (how committed are they to visiting if you move? could you visit them for an extended period both financially and logistically?) but maybe other stuff too? Like the climate or culture? What will your day-to-day life look like if you move elsewhere in CA, or to the Springs, or even somewhere totally different? Those are tough and take some thought, research, and most of all communication with DH. Best of luck!

[Spartana]

Another option - if you are older than 65 (or maybe it's 55) and low income/asset is to look into subsidized senior housing thru a HUD type program. My grandma rented a very cute "active seniors" apt in Colfax, CA. for a subsidized amount based on her small social security benefit - her only income even after working most of her life. I imagine there would a long waiting list for such places but might be worth checking out. Also regular unsubsidized over 55 apts are usually a lot less expensive than all ages apts .

[Cathy]

Thanks, there is more to consider than just my family. What do I want? I love to be outside, have the windows open much of the time, slow pace of life, not too much traffic, not worrying about money, not having the houses right next to on another! thanks for opening my eyes to new questions!

[Cathy]

Another option - if you are older than 65 (or maybe it's 55) and low income/asset is to look into subsidized senior housing thru a HUD type program. My grandma rented a very cute "active seniors" apt in Colfax, CA. for a subsidized amount based on her small social security benefit - her only income even after working most of her life. I imagine there would a long waiting list for such places but might be worth checking out. Also regular unsubsidized over 55 apts are usually a lot less expensive than all ages apts .

I looked into it, but we are right above the limit!

[Spartana]

Thanks, there is more to consider than just my family. What do I want? I love to be outside, have the windows open much of the time, slow pace of life, not too much traffic, not worrying about money, not having the houses right next to on another! thanks for opening my eyes to new questions!

Well plane tickets a few times a year to visit family in Calif are much cheaper than housing in most of Calif :-) :-) .

I also share your dilemma in that I would like to live somewhere I really love and that is less expensive then the places I would consider living in Calif - which are only coastal or mountain areas. But then I would be far from family and friends. I've found a compromise - I'm not tied to a job so am able to travel a large part of the year. I can choose to live far from Calif and just visit part of the year. Right now I do the opposite - live in Calif and travel to all those beautiful places part of the year. But will eventually move out of here.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I also share your dilemma in that I would like to live somewhere I really love and that is less expensive then the places I would consider living in Calif - which are only coastal or mountain areas. Butt then I would be far from family and friends.

Yea, people are the only reason I stay here. I mean whatever, there are likely some places I'd hate a lot more, but it's expensive and there are definitely places I'd probably prefer.

I've found a compromise by being able to travel a large part of the year.

I've realized I actually make more than enough to live here and then some, despite cost of living, as long as I stay far far away (stay away!) from "buy a house" dreams. Because other than that, food isn't that bad (probably cheaper than many places), utilities are super cheapo, gas is more than elsewhere but I drive a small car, and taxes are more than many places.

[Spartana]

Yeah renting can be the way to go in Calif - especially if you can do a shared rental. I can only afford to buy in the coastal part of "The OC" because Sis and I bought a funky old place together during the downturn. And we couldn't even do that now as a place like ours just old for $150k MORE than we paid a year ago. If I wanted to live here on my income I'd be renting a room as even a small one bedroom apt is more than my monthly income. Of course the beauty of not being tied to a job is that you can move to cheaper areas. Like I did by moving to Big Bear Lake where you can rent an entire house for the price of a room rental here in Huntington Beach. And you're still only 90 minutes away!

ETA - now I'm wondering if I should sell and move again. Sis got transferred further away and is renting a room near her work, housing prices have risen dramaticly, and I worry they may fall if the government goes all whacko again. Apparently that short shutdown is causing investors and potential house buyers from buying for fear of interest rates rising and values dropping.

[Spartana]

This is very true. We live in Calaveras County about 2 to 3 hour drive form the Bay Area. We live in the Sierra near ski resorts and many lakes and housing cost are very low and still have not recovered much from the recession. Most of the homes are second homes is probably the reason for the slow recovery. If you don't care for snow you can live in the motherload and housing is even cheaper.

My cousin is selling her place in Tahoe and moving down towards the Auburn area. Figures she can buy a place somewhere between Sac and Tahoe for about half of what she'll get for her Tahoe cabin. However, as you pointed out, most people buying there are buying second homes so things are moving slowly.