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Thread: Recovering hoarders?

  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So, I am kind of using this thread to brag on my anti-hoarding accomplishments.

    I spent the week at the county fair. I also entered a whole bunch of items in the fair. My "souveniers" include a pastic cup I picked up because I wanted to keep refilling it from the water fountain - leaving, two t-shirts I bought and don't need - need to address t-shirts again, a reusable bag because I had too much to carry that day and my plastic bag was left in the car (yes that was lazy) - leaving, and a couple of temporary tatoos - will wash off soon.

    I also won a lot of ribbons. I kept the two best of show ribbons, which are dated, but donated all the rest back to be reused.

    I didn't bring home any extra pens or pencils or other free goodies except my bag and cup. I'm pretty proud of myself.
    Nice!! Moving in the right direction.

  2. #92
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    Thanks. Fair is hard. I love it! But people keep trying to give you things. I bought the t-shirts to support two groups I believe in - and yes, I could just donate, but I wanted to also wear the shirts at fair so people could recognize me as someone who could answer questions.

    What I need to do now that is also hard is donate the shirt I already have from one group that is a bad color for me, and purge another shirt from my drawer.

    Somebody tried to give me a pig (an actual live pig). And one of the midway guys told me he'd give me a prize even if I didn't win. I told him "that would be the down side."

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Thanks. Fair is hard. I love it! But people keep trying to give you things. I bought the t-shirts to support two groups I believe in - and yes, I could just donate, but I wanted to also wear the shirts at fair so people could recognize me as someone who could answer questions.

    What I need to do now that is also hard is donate the shirt I already have from one group that is a bad color for me, and purge another shirt from my drawer.
    Maybe next time, you get a shirt that will fit you and "rent" it, leaving it with someone who is there, and will take it home and use it. This way they get the benefit of the money, your volunteering and someone who might not have the money, ends up with the shirt.

  4. #94
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    I'm pretty sure that after I wear it all day I'll need to wash it before ANYONE would take it. And by then my brain has decided it's my shirt. Really, I have 11 shirts with holes in them. I need to just accept that the price of having a new shirt I like is giving up an old shirt I liked so much I wore a hole in it.

    I mean, I'm still wearing shirts advertising a group that no longer exists, that are too big, and have holes in them. That's the difference between being a hoarder and not being a hoarder - I can look at my behavior and see it as irrational, but it's still really hard to change. Otoh, if i find myself, say, arguing with a three year old, I very quickly realize "this is stupid!" - and then, I stop.

  5. #95
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    This is an interesting video about a hoarder in recovery. http://kdvr.com/2015/07/30/hoarder-r...ange-her-life/

  6. #96
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    I can't watch it. There's too much stuff besides the video on the page and my computer crashes trying to load it.

  7. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I can't watch it. There's too much stuff besides the video on the page and my computer crashes trying to load it.
    Oh well...

  8. #98
    thunderseed
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    I realize it was dishonest of my sister and I. But at the time it seemed rather trivial -- a white lie to spare my mom's feelings.

    Now I tell both of my parents this: "Whatever you give me is mine. And since it is my property I will do anything I want with it -- that may mean I sell it or give it away or even throw it away."

    They don't like this and have since stopped giving me anything. I am okay with that. I feel like, while they are unhappy with this, we at least understand each other now.

    Thoughts?
    I don't understand what it's like to be a hoarder and have never known anyone who is. Do they give you things for sentimental reasons? I think that would even bother me if it was a sentimental gift, simply because it seems like you are rejecting a gift that has been given. I usually give very thoughtful gifts so I get upset when I find out other people don't like them. I would much rather not tell someone that I hated the gift they gave me lol.
    I would be really sad if I painted art for someone and they decided to just give it away for example.
    I still have this big telescope in my house and I never use it and I hate the darn thing taking up space but my parent's got it for me and it was probably the most sweetest gift they've ever given me because they know how fond I am of memories I have of the olden days stargazing with my dad. I once threatened to get rid of it because it takes up so much space and it made them really sad so I kept it and everytime they come to my house they like to see it there. I am not given sentimental gifts all the time so it's not like I've had to keep anything else. I have no problems getting rid of stuff that has no meaning, but as soon as I know it has meaning to the other person, I don't think I could throw it away. Like that darn telescope... but in a way I love it because it makes me happy to know they cared that much about me haha. I guess it would suck for me if I had someone give me terrible sentimental gifts all the time, I would eventually have to tell them to stop because I have no room but fortunately my friends and loved ones are not very sentimental people.

  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by thunderseed View Post
    I don't understand what it's like to be a hoarder and have never known anyone who is. Do they give you things for sentimental reasons? I think that would even bother me if it was a sentimental gift, simply because it seems like you are rejecting a gift that has been given. I usually give very thoughtful gifts so I get upset when I find out other people don't like them. I would much rather not tell someone that I hated the gift they gave me lol.
    I would be really sad if I painted art for someone and they decided to just give it away for example.
    I still have this big telescope in my house and I never use it and I hate the darn thing taking up space but my parent's got it for me and it was probably the most sweetest gift they've ever given me because they know how fond I am of memories I have of the olden days stargazing with my dad. I once threatened to get rid of it because it takes up so much space and it made them really sad so I kept it and everytime they come to my house they like to see it there. I am not given sentimental gifts all the time so it's not like I've had to keep anything else. I have no problems getting rid of stuff that has no meaning, but as soon as I know it has meaning to the other person, I don't think I could throw it away. Like that darn telescope... but in a way I love it because it makes me happy to know they cared that much about me haha. I guess it would suck for me if I had someone give me terrible sentimental gifts all the time, I would eventually have to tell them to stop because I have no room but fortunately my friends and loved ones are not very sentimental people.
    Hi, Thunder. Thanks for checking out this thread.

    For people with compulsive hoarding, everything has very powerful meaning and/or infinite usefulness. This makes getting rid of anything very hard for them. I suggested going to your local library and reading a few books on the subject if you are interested. That is the best way to get accurate info on the disorder.

    About 5% of the US population has compulsive hoarding. So you'll probably meet someone who has it eventually. Or it is totally likely that you know someone who has it, but they cleverly disguise it.

    Now, here are some of my opinions and thoughts on gifts.

    If you paint a picture and give it to someone and then they want to give it away because it takes up space or they simply dislike it, why would you hold that against them?

    Why would your parents hold it against you that you'd like to get rid of the telescope?

    I think that the answer is vanity and narcissism. Very often gift-giving is about the giver, not the getter (so to speak...).

    If I gave someone a fishing pole that they did not want and took offense when they donated it to Goodwill, wouldn't it be my ego that is hurt? Like: "I love fishing. I tried to give someone something that I love. This way they can learn to love what I love. Now they gave it away and I have hurt feelings."

    See how this train of thought is all about me and not about the person I gave a (very self-centered) gift to?

    I have a policy about gifts I get.
    1. I tell people that the only gifts I want are for people to spend time with me.
    2. I tell people that if they give me a material gift then it is my property and I will do with it whatever I want. This usually means I will give it away or sell it, and sometimes I will simply trash it.
    3. If someone gives me something then they should feel free to ask for it back. I will not be offended.

    This three part policy usually strips away the vanity of gift giving. What I have noticed is that people just stop giving me anything. Which is great! Though sometimes people give me food, which is okay (if it is like "Here, I made you a cobbler") or it is amazing if they are like: "Hey! I got Indian take-out. Let's have dinner together!"


  10. #100
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    I think the homemade gifts are hard ones.

    I make pottery. So if I give you a bowl, it's because I thought you would like to have a bowl, specifically one that I made, and I think that this is a really good one.

    So if you don't wan't it, I would want you to return it (or if you'd rather have a different bowl exchange it) but I might tell you the first part but I wouldn't tell you the second part because it makes the gift sound like a loan (which I guess is sort of the case, except if you want to keep the bowl forever or you use it until it gets broken, or even if you give it to someone else who loves it, great).

    But then if someone gave me a painting for example i would feel awkward asking if they wanted it back because it would seem like I didn't appreciate the gift. (I think appreciating the gift is seperate from liking the gift.)

    My mother in law is definitely a giver who is all about her. My aunt is mostly like that too. (except for some reason she is really good at gifting me - maybe we got off to a good start when I was 8 and told her " for my birthday present I want you to make my cake because your German chocolate is my favorite.). When my grandmother died my aunt was very insistent that everyone should get back the gifts they had given. She set a whole bunch of stuff aside for me and my mom kept asking "do you want this?" and I kept saying " no. I got that for her because I tought she would like it. If I wanted it, I would have gotten one for me."

    I am finally at the point in my life where I tell people I'm a hoarder and often they say "no you aren't" or "well, you hide it really well."

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