How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[Ultralight]

My girlfriend says she feels "deprived" of going on dates. She wants two "real" date nights a month. I agreed to this.

She wants to do things that I consider pricey, especially since it costs about $20 just to drive to her house and back from my place. Throw in a meal at a restaurant ($30, give or take) and an activity (movie, mini-golf, museum, whatever she wants -- and that is another $30, give or take) and we are up to $80; or more not counting driving to where ever the restaurant and activities are, which could push things over the $100 mark.

This is $200 a month or $2400 a year -- that could be a lot of money going into my IRA or an emergency fund!

I am not sure what to do...

Thoughts?

[JaneV2.0]

Have her pay her own way; it's only fair.

[Ultralight]

Have her pay her own way; it's only fair.

I am not sure she'd consider that a date. Though she'd probably offer to treat me perhaps 25% of the time.

Even if she did pay her own way each time, that would still add up to a good chunk of change for me to pay for myself.

[Dhiana]

I thought dates were supposed to be mutually enjoyable events.

You sound resentful already. Why are you doing only things she likes to do?
Do you two do any date activities that you both like to do?

Or maybe it's time for a new girlfriend?

[JaneV2.0]

Most people enjoy activities that cost some money--at least occasionally. Good luck finding a woman that only enjoys quiet nights at home or walks in the park. I'm sure they're out there.

But I'm a firm believer in people paying their own way.

[Alan]

You're on the verge of telling her that you value your money more than you value her. I'd suggest you get out of the relationship now and give her a chance to find a better pairing.

[Ultralight]

I thought dates were supposed to be mutually enjoyable events.

You sound resentful already. Why are you doing only things she likes to do?
Do you two do any date activities that you both like to do?

Or maybe it's time for a new girlfriend?

Resentful? I wouldn't go that far. I am concerned about the costs and somewhat annoyed that she is not that concerned about my financial situation.

She is significantly older than me and well-established in her career. She make about $20k more a year than me, plus she has a defined benefit pension plan, a 401 k, a traditional IRA, and a Roth IRA. She also contributes to Social Security. I basically have a 401k and a tiny Roth IRA (they add up to about $15k -- all I have saved for retirement!).

I am doing what she likes to do because what I like to do would not be considered a date. I like to go fishing, ride my bike, cook food together, and take part in community organizations -- stuff like that.

In order to make room in my budget for the dates I am going to go fishing much less, probably much, much less. That is the place in my expenses with the most room to wriggle.

[Ultralight]

Most people enjoy activities that cost some money--at least occasionally. Good luck finding a woman that only enjoys quiet nights at home or walks in the park.

I know. This is why I agreed to the date nights.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Have her pay her own way; it's only fair.

I agree. Although sometimes in my mind I think maybe a woman should only pay 70 or whatever it is% of her way, that is what women earn for doing the same job as men Oh really, I'm not that dour and political to go on a date with, it's just a private chuckle of mine. But there's if you've initially met (initial dates) where if might make a man feel gentlemanly to treat (really I don't fight a man to wear the pants, even though I usually wear pants ), and when your already in a full blown relationship where I really think it should be more equal (except on her birthday, your anniversary of meeting maybe etc. where it might be nice to treat)

Even if she did pay her own way each time, that would still add up to a good chunk of change for me to pay for myself.

yea your dealing with basic incompatibilities there, not necessarily fatal ones but I'm not sure what can be done but compromise. If people like some things that cost money: plays, museums, even botanical gardens, zoos, day trips that cost some admission or at least gas and you don't .... And none of those things by themselves are super expensive, but they aren't free. I guess you can try substitute activities, try making a nice dinner instead of going out, making it oneself or making it together (even then it might not be as cheap as the PB&J one would have made oneself - well it isn't the single life I guess). Try watching a movie at home (of course this doesn't help if one doesn't' own a t.v.! - I don't own one either btw, and has only a tiny computer screen). You could try to get her into cheap hobbies like fishing or maybe camping, but it might not take, and if someone really likes some cultural activity they might just do fishing on top of that even if it does!

[rodeosweetheart]

I am not sure she'd consider that a date. Though she'd probably offer to treat me perhaps 25% of the time.

Even if she did pay her own way each time, that would still add up to a good chunk of change for me to pay for myself.

This seems like an excellent arena in which to work out compromises acceptable to both of you, to see if this is going to be a relationship that works for both of you!

One idea is to meet and date in the middle somewhere?

At least you guys can figure out what unspoken assumptions are going on, and whether your assumptions and her assumptions mesh comfortably!