How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[Ultralight]

Do either of you have any intention of getting married? If not, then I'd say dates should be split.

My husband and I only had 3 dates before we got engaged, granted they were spread out over 3 months because I was living 6 hours away.
I just don't see the point of of a couple dating 2 or 3 or 15 years (as in the case of an uncle of mine).

Good question. She has never been married before. She is "older." So I am not sure if she is "over it" or not. She does not talk about it really. We almost never talk about the future. She brought up "the future" once, about 2 months into dating the first go round. I brought the future up a couple times, once I did mention nuptials but did not get into any detail. It was more just feeling it out to see what she was thinking. I brought up the future last weekend. The conversation did not go well...

[JaneV2.0]

...
I just don't see the point of of a couple dating 2 or 3 or 15 years (as in the case of an uncle of mine).

Why not?

[Float On]

Why not?

I believe in marriage. I also believe that dating is a good way to find out if you are compatible with someone for marriage. If after a few dates there are incompatibility issues....why keep dating if you can't work through those issues? Heck, even after just 3 dates we felt our 6 month engagement was 3 months too long. The only thing that did was make the wedding bigger than we wanted.

For my uncle. He drug the dating out for 15 years. His wife had really wanted to be married and raise a family and they completely missed that opportunity. By the time they did get married he had health issues and having a family was not possible. I just found that very selfish.

[Ultralight]

I believe in marriage. I also believe that dating is a good way to find out if you are compatible with someone for marriage. If after a few dates there are incompatibility issues....why keep dating if you can't work through those issues? Heck, even after just 3 dates we felt our 6 month engagement was 3 months too long. The only thing that did was make the wedding bigger than we wanted.

For my uncle. He drug the dating out for 15 years. His wife had really wanted to be married and raise a family and they completely missed that opportunity. By the time they did get married he had health issues and having a family was not possible. I just found that very selfish.

I am not keen on marriage but I am not against it. I'd do it if it was important to my significant other and/or the benefits were needed.

Did your uncle drag it out for so long to avoid getting married and/or having a family?

I don't want a family (god help me to stay this way! lol). So that would not be a concern for me.

[iris lilies]

Why not?

Depends on their goals, depends on what you ( generic you) mean by "dating."

I might say "my goal is to have a happy, committed relationship for long term" and the details of where we live do not matter. And in fact separate dwellings might be preferable. To FloatOn that might look like dating if we didn't live in the same house. To me, it isn't dating if it's a committed relationship, if we are an established couple and if this meets both parties' goals.

I cant tell from the Rev.UL's description if this is dating still, but with all of his doubts about their conflicting values, this is not a committed relationship or at least he isn't comimited,,we don't know about her. And the problem with these kinds of half-in half-out relationships is that they take up all of your time, and you aren't free to find the person who is a match.

[Float On]

Did your uncle drag it out for so long to avoid getting married and/or having a family?

Yes he did.

[iris lilies]

I don't want a family (god help me to stay this way! lol). So that would not be a concern for me.

dude, get snipped.
But go to the best doc in the area, and aren't you in a big metro,area where there are many specialists? This isn't a time to cheap out.

There is a sad tale or two over on the MMM site about snipping experiences.

[Float On]

And the problem with these kinds of half-in half-out relationships is that they take up all of your time, and you aren't free to find the person who is a match.

Exactly.

[Ultralight]

Yes he did.

It was very selfless of his girlfriend to yield to his wants to be child-free.

I wonder why he did not tell her he was not interested in having kids. I also wonder why she would, around year 14, still think her big day was going to come (followed promptly by a baby carriage).

[Ultralight]

dude, get snipped.
But go to the best doc in the area, and aren't you in a big metro,area where there are many specialists? This isn't a time to cheap out.

There is a sad tale or two over on the MMM site about snipping experiences.

I am scared of getting snipped! There is a correlation with dementia and other auto-immune diseases. I am just hoping that birth control works until my gf goes menopausal.

What do you mean sad tale or two?