How to convince my girlfriend she does not need to go on pricey dates?

[Ultralight]

I was looking at it from a more general perspective, really. I am - or at least I was - passionate about simple living and streamlining of my life and my possessions. Passionate. You could almost say it was a religion for me. I wound up with someone who claimed they "got it", but in retrospect they didn't agree that OUR life, together as a couple, would really reflect this. Frugal was for when you really didn't want the thing anyway. Minimal only applied to My stuff, all the free space in our house has gradually been taken over by junk no one really wants. "Green" - e.g. recycling, using cloth napkins - is not a philosophy, it's something he only does when I'm watching. It became obvious that "simple" means it's fine that I sit in a chair and meditate - once all the chaotic mess I didn't create has been dealt with. Discussing any goals and challenges in this arena was pointless because there was no underlying agreement that this was the direction we wanted to move in. Basically "all that" - my life's work - was supposed to be my downtime hobby in his opinion.

If I can be blatantly honest for a moment... This sounds so desperate and sad. Just heartbreaking...

Short n sweet: it's one thing to have separate interests, but I firmly believe sharing an underlying philosophy of what matters, how to move life in that direction, and how to work as a team toward a shared vision makes for a higher quality relationship.

I agree.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm pretty sure my grandfather was just a nonbeliever--although he died before I could meet him. When I think of atheists, I picture those tiresome crusading types who can't shut up about religion.

[Ultralight]

I'm pretty sure my grandfather was just a nonbeliever--although he died before I could meet him. When I think of atheists, I picture those tiresome crusading types who can't shut up about religion.

The atheist community is not that homogenized. We have our diplomats and our firebrands; we have our quiet atheists you'd never expect (google The Clergy Project) and our loudmouths. We also have our well-spoken advocates. We even have our own celebrities! lol

For instance, my friend Jeff (probably my only guy friend) is an atheist and a leader in our community. He is in a life partnership with a woman who is a Methodist. She attends church every Sunday. She sings in the choir. She is very active in her church. But they get along because that is their only real difference. They both love gardening and bicycling, they are both liberal democrats, and they like cats and skydiving. lol

Atheists, while trending largely toward the "straight, white male" demographic veers all over the place when it comes to personalities. Introverts. Extroverts. Funny. Serious. Pranksters. Intellectuals. Bookish. Outdoorsy. Folksy, even!

Would you say: "When I think of gays, I picture the San Francisco Pride Parade and all the leather chaps and rainbow speedos."?

No, you would not say that (at least I hope you would not) because that is prejudice.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I guess I just think trying to find one's soul mate is futile. Yes I may always be single for life, I'm just too weird frankly, but I will try to keep an open mind about it, though I still think if it works it's miraculous (and even finding a person one is physically OR emotionally drawn to and it's mutual isn't that common - much less finding someone one is both physically and mentally drawn to - may as well play the lottery!). So if two people are happier together than apart that's something, yes maybe especially if there is strong chemistry.

[kib]

Ah, I wasn't looking for the pity vote, but thanks for your sympathy. It's frustrating but it's my nonsense to dig out from under, I'm slowly figuring out how to do that. Anything can be changed if you really want to. Donna Pilgrim, signing off.

My point in sharing all that is, if you really feel passionate about something, if you want it reflected in every choice you make, if it's almost as important to you as breathing, then you need to find a partner who understands, supports and ideally shares that outlook. While anything can be changed if you really want to, it's so much smarter to do your best not to get into situations that need changing.

If neither of you is particularly passionate about your lifestyle or philosophy then this isn't as pressing, but take a look inside and make sure.

And I'm applying that advice to both of you, because it sounds like neither of you is really looking at what the other person is all about. Been there, doing that. Don't like it.

[Ultralight]

I guess I just think trying to find one's soul mate is futile. Yes I may always be single for life, I'm just too weird frankly, but I will try to keep an open mind about it, though I still think if it works it's miraculous (and even finding a person one is physically OR emotionally drawn to and it's mutual isn't that common - much less finding someone one is both physically and mentally drawn to - may as well play the lottery!). So if two people are happier together than apart that's something, yes maybe especially if there is strong chemistry.

ApatheticNoMore:

I totally get this! I have had so many problems in dating and relationships because I am quirky -- very quirky!

I have this theory...

If you could take a big bag, throw the vast majority of couples into it, shake the bag up and dump it out then the couples would be in different configurations but still just as happy with their partners. Why? Because most people are pretty normative.

Now for us quirky folks it is a whole different story.

[bae]

Would you say: "When I think of gays, I picture the San Francisco Pride Parade and all the leather chaps and rainbow speedos."?

No, you would not say that (at least I hope you would not) because that is prejudice.

I guess I won't post any photos/accounts of the fun street fair I'll be at in SF this weekend :-)

[Ultralight]

I guess I won't post any photos/accounts of the fun street fair I'll be at in SF this weekend :-)

I think Pride parades are great fun!

[Alan]

The atheist community is not that homogenized. We have our diplomats and our firebrands; we have our quiet atheists you'd never expect (google The Clergy Project) and our loudmouths. We also have our well-spoken advocates. We even have our own celebrities! lol

When I think of an atheist, I simply think of someone who doesn't believe. If they then form communities with diplomats and advocates, haven't they then taken it to the point of being a belief, perhaps it's own religion.

[bae]

I think Pride parades are great fun!

While parades are cool, this is a bit different :-)