Recovering hoarders?

[rodeosweetheart]

I check the news almost every day for news on compulsive hoarding. And almost every day there is a story or two about a hoarder whose house caught on fire. Fire fighters and the neighbors of the hoarder usually go on record with the media talking about what a fire hazard -- and public safety hazard -- these hoarded houses are.

This is something I worry about at my parents' house with the giant piles of mail, paperwork, and clothing all over the place. Couple that with the fact that my parents heat their house with those little propane tanks (yes, the ones most people attach to their grills in the summer) and you're talking major fire hazard... or worse.

Yes, it is so difficult to stay attached to parents who seem to us so self-destructive. I really admire you for staying connected and caring about them.

[freshstart]

I have had screaming matches with mom over papers that are truly meaningless (electric bills from late 80's, two houses ago) stored under her bed and all over the room. my dad keeps the important papers so all the papers she has could go right into recycling, I'm gonna tell her the firemen, for their own safety won't enter a hoarded room. That might help.

[bae]

I have had screaming matches with mom over papers that are truly meaningless (electric bills from late 80's, two houses ago) stored under her bed and all over the room. my dad keeps the important papers so all the papers she has could go right into recycling, I'm gonna tell her the firemen, for their own safety won't enter a hoarded room. That might help.

And note well that it's not just an issue for that room - the high fuel load in that room can quickly compromise the rest of the building and make it quite unsafe. (I mean, more unsafe than a burning building *normally* is.) It's fun when the floor collapses onto the people on the level below....

[Chicken lady]

Good luck freshstart.

Confession - I had to stop reading the missing stuff you got rid of thread. I was finding it painful. As in, it evoked a painful level of empathy for the people who were missing their stuff - most of whose personal discomfort levels were probably right up there with what i feel when I realize the cookies are gone... "oh drat, we're out of cookies, i really wanted one....moves on."


Today while I was at work, the construction guys moved some of my stuff so they could work. I actually manged to handle it with minimal discomfort - I looked at where the bins were before they moved them, looked at the bins, saw that everything was ok, and left it alone. I did not open the bins to check on them, or move them again, or feel a moment of panic or need to talk to dh about it. My brain just went "why are there two bins there? Oh, they had to swing a board though that space. They didn't hit the cabinet. Ok, I guess the bins are fine in their new space. I think I'll go see how much of the concrete forms are up..."


That is a big step for me.


And I am not going to worry about them (or you guys) judging me for having two bins labelled "baskets". I used to have 5 bins of baskets. And they weren't labelled either. Eventually I hope to have all the baskets in use, in cupboards, combined with the bins labeled "Easter", or gone. But that is one of those jobs I am picking at, so for now, when I need a basket, I know where they are. And I can handle people moving them.

[freshstart]

Good luck freshstart.

Confession - I had to stop reading the missing stuff you got rid of thread. I was finding it painful. As in, it evoked a painful level of empathy for the people who were missing their stuff - most of whose personal discomfort levels were probably right up there with what i feel when I realize the cookies are gone... "oh drat, we're out of cookies, i really wanted one....moves on."

And I am not going to worry about them (or you guys) judging me for having two bins labelled "baskets". I used to have 5 bins of baskets. And they weren't labelled either. Eventually I hope to have all the baskets in use, in cupboards, combined with the bins labeled "Easter", or gone. But that is one of those jobs I am picking at, so for now, when I need a basket, I know where they are. And I can handle people moving them.

Ack, I did not mean to do the above, I apologize. I'm in such a strange head place and am not my usual personality, I can't even explain it. And I so apologize for redundancy, I honestly do not remember what I said in which thread. Ah, I should start checking my account and check what I've already said.

no judgment zone on two baskets

[sweetana3]

Chicken lady, I am really impressed with your ability to work thru the issues however large or small they might be to anyone else. I could feel the difficulty you felt in your words.

[Chicken lady]

Oh freshstart, no big deal. I stopped reading. It's my responsibility.

I think in general a person should attempt to behave in ways that will not negatively impact a normal, reasonable human. And nothing you posted should be a problem for a normal, reaonable human! But there are areas in which I am not normal or reasonable, and I know that, and those are my issues to manage, not other people's (ok, I do put some of that on those close to me who should know better, but not the world in general)

Sweetana3, thank you.

[iris lilies]

Oh freshstart, no big deal. I stopped reading. It's my responsibility.

I think in general a person should attempt to behave in ways that will not negatively impact a normal, reasonable human. And nothing you posted should be a problem for a normal, reaonable human! But there are areas in which I am not normal or reasonable, and I know that, and those are my issues to manage, not other people's (ok, I do put some of that on those close to me who should know better, but not the world in general)

Sweetana3, thank you.

Let me add my kudos to you, too, Chickenlady. When you give details of your emotional reactions to, and thoughts about your stuff, it is fascinating. It really helps me understand a collector mentality. It's educational, thanks for adding to my knowledge base! Your story is NOT like the train wrecks pictured on TV reality shows, those are gawker fests.

Your strategies for dealing with this issue are fascinating and your self awareness is very cool.

My cousin, who I love very much, is a "neat and tidy" hoarder. He collects mostly paper products and in another life he would have been one of those college professors with an office piled high to the ceiling with journals and reports and papers. In real life he has stuff that doesn't exist elsewhere, and anyone who thinks it all resides on the web now lives in LaLa land, so I have some respect for some of his obscure items. He has paths through his house.

He was like that from the time he was a kid. His bedroom was tiny and he had things piled up to near the ceiling. He lived for more than a decade in a small one bedroom apartment, and though I never saw it, it was full of stuff. Then he moved to a far more spacious place and I fear what will happen to that place. But whatever, he can live the way he wants, it's not hurting anyone.

[Chicken lady]

I hate those shows, because they get the psychology right and they even explain it, but then they get all confrontational and in the hoarder's face with a camera because actually showing how you calmly and supportively helped a person make resonable progress is too slow and boring. And most of the time I want to yell at the family that they are hurting the person and making the actual problem worse even if the space is getting better.

Today they poured the foundation walls.

[Ultralight]

Interesting letter/article about a recovering hoarder and the holiday season we're apparently already in.

http://www.freep.com/story/life/advi...vice/73827846/