Is that from King Lear?Originally Posted by bae
Is that from King Lear?
You don't have to stay in relationships that lack mutual respect. I have distanced myself from people that act in ways that your dad acted. Some of those are related to me.
I haven't ever formally cut off anyone. I have retreated and only have contact when necessary. No one has noticed enough to ask me about it as I am polite when I see them. But I never seek them out.
Life is so much better this way.
Do tell.
This is more along the lines what I was thinking.
I can't find it for you, only you can. When your dad was planning you, do you think he planned to have an atheist minimalist fisherman? Did you ever see "On Golden Pond".
I have not seen that movie, though I think I will rent it. I like Jane Fonda!
My dad did not plan to have an atheist and/or minimalist son; he is fine with the angler part mostly.
I haven't read all the responses.......but I grew up in a family where my father was at first, an alcoholic.....then a "born again christian", who thought it would give him some power to become a minister. He disliked "others", and I believe he hated me. My mother had her head in the sand. I tried to be a good daughter, but it didn't seem to help. I divorced my father when I was about 31, when he was cruel to me one last time. Then I tolerated my mother until I was in my late 30's.......then I divorced her. We can all have our opinions ULA, but we've all had potentially very different upbringings and experiences. You have to decide for yourself if you appreciate anything at all about your parents.......or if they are toxic to you. I can't tell you how freeing it was for me to let them go. It was something I just had to do to breathe again. I've never regretted it.
Williamsmith, I think you said that ULA sort of owed his father something, since he had raised him. I'm afraid I have to disagree. My father "raised" me.....but he filled me with all sorts of problems/hate/etc., etc., and I owed him absolutely nothing. It's different if you're raised with love and sacrifice and support.........but quite another thing if you've been raised with none of that.
So ULA.......this is something you need to decide for yourself. Good luck with that. It isn't always an easy choice.
You could also just take a break from the 'rents, x months after which you planned to see them again (you don't have to tell them). Ok if they were obviously on their death bed I personally wouldn't do this needless to say, but otherwise.
Trees don't grow on money
I think the practical answer it to limit your exposure a bit but just accept them as they are. All you can ever change is your perspective. We have spent a lifetime "knowing" DH's parents. Their love always feels conditional as in...we will give you money and presents if you show up for every holiday, etc. We expect for you to take care of us now that we are old. DH has a lot of issues with all that I will never understand. My parents died when I was 35 so I have detached from all that stuff emotionally. He says he will be glad when his are gone and that he intensely dislikes them. Apron string syndrome I think. They influenced a lot of control when he needed to be independent and the resentment stuck. I told him once how sad to think as a parent though, that I spent 20 years raising them and they really didn't have any kind words for my effort.
You are a bad ass.
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