I would think that due to your upbringing that you should not want to contribute to the same problem for your sister and BIL. My MIL was a hoarder and never did I give her stuff I didn't want. In fact she would offer me stuff and I would take it knowing it was going right to the thrift store. Also it seems to me that they have been kind to you in many ways like living with them. It does not have to be your problem-you can choose to be kind and thoughtful.
Hmmm...Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
That is a valid point.
My sis does not like when I give my BIL stuff because he always takes it.
I have yet to see a charity shop with a liquor aisle
True. But I would not be beyond regifting or even pouring out the contents and recycling the container.I have yet to see a charity shop with a liquor aisle
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
If we get white wine or hard spirits, we generally just give it to friends. Wont drink it, why keep it. Friends have adult kids that they can give it to if they don't want to drink it. Note: This whole thing is a rare occasion in our life.
A simple thanks and put the gift aside to open later on. If you are greeting guests and doing bbq things, you have to focus on that task first. It's just a gesture of returning hospitality, they are grateful to be invited and show it with a gift.
I'd be thrilled someone took a moment to think of the hosts. I guess keep a mental note on the gift giver and return it in kind if invited to their house. Or, send a thank you note. I like old fashioned manners. It doesn't matter what it is, I believe it's the thought that counts.
Here is a link to my blog page http://francesannwy.wordpress.com/
It is common with our group of friends to bring wine for a small dinner party and then we consume it right then. If we get too much we save it for another function or drink it. If we have a big b-bque people will ask what they can bring and i either say nothing or let them contribute like a salad, etc. Just depends how I am feeling. WE also sometimes do potlucks where the host has the main course and then the others bring the side dishes.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions. It was a lovely party, although too cold and windy for my taste. (And in the middle of May!)
Several people did bring gifts ranging from wine/food to crystal. Fortunately, most just put them on a side table in the house and then went out to join the rest of the party. As I was buzzing in and out I peeked at them and made a point of quietly thanking the givers. Followed by a note the next day of course. (See, I really do know how to do it.)
We truly have such wonderful friends. I don't want to give the impression that I feel they or their gifts are a burden. Never. I just didn't want the 2/3rds who didn't bring gifts to feel awkward for not bringing anything. That was my only worry. I would hate for any of my friends to feel uncomfortable. Really, it never occurred to us when we invited folks to celebrate this with us that they would see it as a gift giving type occasion. It only came up when someone indicated they would be out of town but had a gift for us. This is when we realized the mistake we made and when I posted here.
Steve: Really? Pour it out? Come on...now that would truly be wasteful wouldn't it. Not to mention disrespectful to the giver.
This is the usual MO for our parties.
We have hosted many birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, etc...for friends as our place is well suited for large parties, and gifts were given at these. But gifts for the honored guests, not us. This was the first time we were celebrating our own milestone, so to speak. (we prefer our birthdays, etc be small family things)
I never turn down a bottle of wine or contributed food, but those are usually understood as a contribution to the party. Really, anymore you can't throw a party without everyone bringing some sort of food or drink. Even if you tell them to only bring an appetite, they bring food. It's pretty much the norm now. Actually I do the same thing so I can't complain. Now when we have a party I let everyone know what's on the menu. That way they know what would go food and drink wise. it also gives the heads up to any with special dietary requirements. We have a few vegetarians in the group and I usually try to have at least one 'main' dish they can eat, but I don't go overboard with this.
Yes, really, pour it out. This site is chock-full of threads with people ridding their homes of 10, 30, 100 items in short periods of time. There often is advice given about accepting an undesirable gift and then re-gifting it out of that friend network or donating it to Goodwill or the like. People here seem to have no problem moving on items they don't want.
Trouble is, alcohol comes with all kinds of restrictions on where it can go. If you don't drink it and there's no one else to whom you can pass it on and Sally Anne won't take it, you're going to enshrine it in your house forever? The last resort is to empty the bottle and recycle it. Tact suggests you don't do it as soon as you get the gift. It's OK to wait.
As for "disrespectful to the giver", once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient and they get to decide what to do with it. And, again, this does not seem to be a problem for other kinds of gifts; only for booze. I don't understand that. If you don't want it in your house, it shouldn't be in your house, whether it's a bottle of Scotch or a ceramic figurine or a Popeil Pocket Fisherman.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
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