Recovering hoarders?

[sweetana3]

It is possible but really hard to change a hoarder outlook. I have spent years acquiring fabric for my quilting obsession. It finally hit me that I was using things I did not like because I got them cheap or free. They were taking up space and keeping me from using really nice things that were buried. There will always be more fabric.

So I stopped accepting free things, stopped cold turkey going to garage sales, estate sales and watching ebay. I will use what I have and be satisfied with it. I will give some away (and have) to our guild.

I have at various times in the past 40 years acquired too many books, cat collectibles, Fiestaware, patterns, etc. It is a learning process figuring out why I did this and how to stop it. Did not help that husband enjoyed shopping for ebay items. Thankfully this is over.

My mantra now is more out than in and no shopping.

[Ultralight]

It is possible but really hard to change a hoarder outlook. I have spent years acquiring fabric for my quilting obsession. It finally hit me that I was using things I did not like because I got them cheap or free. They were taking up space and keeping me from using really nice things that were buried. There will always be more fabric.

So I stopped accepting free things, stopped cold turkey going to garage sales, estate sales and watching ebay. I will use what I have and be satisfied with it. I will give some away (and have) to our guild.

I have at various times in the past 40 years acquired too many books, cat collectibles, Fiestaware, patterns, etc. It is a learning process figuring out why I did this and how to stop it. Did not help that husband enjoyed shopping for ebay items. Thankfully this is over.

My mantra now is more out than in and no shopping.

If you indeed were a compulsive hoarder and you beat it, then you are the rarest of exceptions. Kudos to you!

[Chicken lady]

Ideally, if I don't get the other six dolls, I will recondition myself not to spontaneously acquire things and I will enjoy the hunt indefinitely. Practically, I will probably buy more dolls I "didn't know I wanted" or move on to acquiring something else (but I'm trying hard to stop that)

if if I do get them, I will enjoy having them, and I may stop looking, in which case, return to the end of the previous paragraph.

being able to actually state the above, is a big step. Five years ago I would have been telling myself (and others) I'm just going to look for these six. I'm not going to buy anything else." Which was a lie and not helpful.

i'm not better. I'm getting better.

Btw, the used tissue example? It took me several minutes to think of something that was normal and ok to throw out.

[Ultralight]

Used tissue example?


I recently met a couple. I know one is a hoarder. I strongly suspect the other is too, though she might be what I call a "hoarder-by-proxy."

They said they are "curbside shoppers." The HbP said she "really enjoys the hunt!" and got a gleam in her eye. The for-sure hoarder said he likes to get something most consider junk and then turn it into something useful and he likes a never ending stream of projects, though he does not complete all of them. He also said he collects so, so many books and records and so forth. And that he has to dig through clutter to get them.

They are being pressured by their kids to de-hoard their place. I think the kids are pressuring hard because they are unaware that their parents (at least one anyway) are compulsive hoarders.

[Chicken lady]

When I said throwing out the feed bags now is like throwing out used tissues. There is not really a space in my brain for "trash".

[Ultralight]

When I said throwing out the feed bags now is like throwing out used tissues. There is not really a space in my brain for "trash".

Okay, I see what you meant.

What do you think of the hoarder-by-proxy thing?

This is what I think my dad is. Like, he would not hoard if he were not with my mom.

[RoseQuartz]

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[Ultralight]

This last weekend I bought sheets for my bed. I only have one other set and they are flannel so it was a welcome purchase, however the sheets came in a rectangular sleeve with gussets, a fabric container of sorts with a velcro fastener. When I was putting them into the washer I was freeing them from this self-fabric bag and my mind was churning, and I felt a little bit stressed out. My instinct was "throw that sucker away", but the OCD kicked in and for some dumb reason the decision became full of worry. Should I repurpose it? Should I find someone who wants it?

I thought about you guys in here and the whole process of having enough stuff, and the maintenance of making sure you don't have too much stuff, or dumb stuff. I don't like shopping, and I'm a quilter but don't buy fabric unless I'm actively working on a quilt. I don't yard sale (hate them actually...) or scan curbs, but sometimes this little stuff makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty that I bought sheets in a fabric bag that I am going to throw out. And I am throwing it out. Right now.

I guess I doubt myself and I know hoarding has an OCD element and the worry that I'm one major life stressor away from snapping and becoming a hoarder freaks me out, because it seems like that is what triggers a lot of hoarders- though many are just kind of born that way. Ok, off to throw away the sheet thingy.

There is a strong genetic component to hoarding. The research has zeroed in on chromosome 14. They don't know details yet, but they think that might well be the source of the genetic problem in hoarding.

Most hoarders do some hoarding when they are kids, in their teens. And then it gets worse with time.

But you are right: There is a trigger.

This is usually some traumatic event.

Often people -- even hoarders themselves -- with rationalize their condition by saying: "I grew up poor."

But being deprived or growing up in poverty has shown to have no relation to hoarding later in life. What does happen is that trigger moment. Most hoarders have one -- death of a loved one, abandonment by someone, a diagnosis, etc.

[Ultralight]

I thought about you guys in here and the whole process of having enough stuff, and the maintenance of making sure you don't have too much stuff, or dumb stuff.

Being a minimalist makes the whole process of having enough stuff and the maintenance of making sure you don't have too much stuff, or dumb stuff for that matter, much easier and less time consuming.

The issue is awareness. People who are all like "I ain't counting my stuff!" or "Paying all the attention to stuff is a waste of time!" do not realize a very important fact.

They do have to pay attention to and deal with their stuff even if they don't count it. But as minimalist you:

-Pay attention to the time all that stuff takes
-Then you "clock in" and deal with it all
-Once you have dealt with it and totally minimized then you clock out
-From then on, you clock in here and there to do maintenance; but you put in very few hours

The Stuffified people deal with the stuff in different ways -- like not inviting people over because the place is a mess or they trip over stuff or they lose things and spend tons of time searching or they waste countless hours cleaning useless stuff or rearranging it or "organizing" stuff (code for "well-planned hoarding").

So when The Stuffified get smug and say: "I am not wasting my time counting stuff or doing your silly-right sizing or whatever" I just think:

"Ooooookay... waste your time -- and a lot more of it -- with all that stuff."

I'd like to audit the time use of minimalists vs. maximalists.

Though I doubt any maximalists would submit to such an audit because under the surface...they know. They know.

[iris lily]

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Since we are talking about pulling thngs in from the alley amnd making them better, here are two alleynfnds
I updated. I painted cherries on the chair and now it really pops! I put lants in the little planter and while,they are not mature,mits still,a cute little thing. Both are going to a sidewalk sale tomorrow that benefits our park.