Recovering hoarders?

[Ultralight]

Ultralite, we all have 24 hours in a day. We all do something during each minute that makes up those hours. I have more choice about how to spend those minutes than most people on the planet. What you are really asking me is "what would your day look like if you had to give up some of your choices?" Unless you are asking "what would your day look like if your dh decided to hire a full time cook?" In which case I would sleep an extra 40 minutes on weekdays and spend a little more time on the stuff I am already doing.

i don't have a reasonable fantasy life where I should be thinking about making changes, the only things I don't want to do are cook meals and clean the house. And I would rather do those things than have one of us work more to pay someone to do them or divert money from other uses. If you gave me magic elf servants - I would still do my chores and clean the stalls. (The elves could also fetch the groceries)

i am am curious what you think this has to do with the hoarding though.

Well, what does it have to do with hoarding?

I wonder how much taking on so, so many tasks is part of the hoarding disorder. How does it contribute to it? More tasks/hobbies/activities usually means more stuff.

I remember once you asked me why I "don't drink life from a fire hose."

I think about that question a lot.

For one thing, I like lounging around. This is not popular in the US -- parents are busy all the time, they make their kids be busy all the time. Bosses are busy and give their employees mucho busy work. This goes on everywhere.

But I like to just kick back on the bean bag chair and lounge. It ain't much contemplation. It ain't meditation. It is just lounging. And it is nice!

I am not asking you to give up choices, but rather to examine some of the choices you have made/continue to make. Maybe some unbridled lounging everyday could be good for ya!

But back to the fire hose.

Why don't I drink life from a fire hose?

Because I don't think I could actually taste anything that way. It rushes past my lips, past my tongue, and down my throat all before I can savor the coolness, the refreshment, the primal satisfaction, the amazement of pure water to drink.

To me, life is not an all-you-can-eat buffet (okay, all-you-can-eat buffets in life are all-you-can-eat). And I had a real weakness for them. But again, I would not savor. I'd wolf it down. And ultimately I'd rather taste the richness and savor it than shovel it in.

[Chicken lady]

I think this may simply be a personality issue - faced with a life we could both call "full" you would mean "busy" and I would mean "rich". As for a hoarding connection, my personal take is that this is an example of "when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail".

[catherine]

Boy, I would love to be a moderator with you two discussing hoarding vs. minimalism. You've both been pretty thought-provoking and honest.

I like the savor the water vs grab it as it rushes by analogy. At the same time, I relate to Chicken lady, and the idea that chores ARE life, and calling your own shots in a day is a blessing, even if that day is busy, and sometimes stressful. We all have different tolerance levels for busy-ness. I have a son who I sometimes desperately want to send to a monastery or a deserted island because he runs and runs all day long in a myriad of activity. I've worried about his lack of sleep and his immune system. But I've come to realize that that's him... If I put him in a monastery he's be the one to organize a chanting choir, and hoe a few garden patches and try to figure out what makes the church bells chime. I really love that about him, and I've accepted that he is a fire hose drinker, bar none.

To each his own, and I agree with chicken lady.. I don't think the way she spends her day has much, if anything, to do with hoarding. But it's an interesting question.

[Ultralight]

Boy, I would love to be a moderator with you two discussing hoarding vs. minimalism. You've both been pretty thought-provoking and honest.

I like the savor the water vs grab it as it rushes by analogy. At the same time, I relate to Chicken lady, and the idea that chores ARE life, and calling your own shots in a day is a blessing, even if that day is busy, and sometimes stressful. We all have different tolerance levels for busy-ness. I have a son who I sometimes desperately want to send to a monastery or a deserted island because he runs and runs all day long in a myriad of activity. I've worried about his lack of sleep and his immune system. But I've come to realize that that's him... If I put him in a monastery he's be the one to organize a chanting choir, and hoe a few garden patches and try to figure out what makes the church bells chime. I really love that about him, and I've accepted that he is a fire hose drinker, bar none.

To each his own, and I agree with chicken lady.. I don't think the way she spends her day has much, if anything, to do with hoarding. But it's an interesting question.

Hoarding is marked by constant acquisition and the inability to discard.

So I would say that these personality traits could extend to all facets of one's life -- not just physical stuff.

More hobbies. More friends. More kids. More pets. More livestock. More. More. More.

[catherine]

Hoarding is marked by constant acquisition and the inability to discard.

So I would say that these personality traits could extend to all facets of one's life -- not just physical stuff.

More hobbies. More friends. More kids. More pets. More livestock. More. More. More.

Maybe, but I would say that if the activity you are "hoarding" is detracting from your quality of life you might have a point and MANY--even MOST-- of us are guilty of that--

But if that activity is enriching your life, that's not hoarding--if editing your life is going to detract rather than add, then you are not hoarding activity. In other words, to me it sounds like CL is happy what she's doing almost all day long--except for washing dishes and cleaning house, and she's made a conscious decision to not give away her life energy to outsource those chores. So IMHO, it doesn't like she's guilty of too much activity in her life. She says she has a rich life, so who is to argue with that?

[Ultralight]

Maybe, but I would say that if the activity you are "hoarding" is detracting from your quality of life you might have a point and MANY--even MOST-- of us are guilty of that--

But if that activity is enriching your life, that's not hoarding--if editing your life is going to detract rather than add, then you are not hoarding activity. In other words, to me it sounds like CL is happy what she's doing almost all day long--except for washing dishes and cleaning house, and she's made a conscious decision to not give away her life energy to outsource those chores. So IMHO, it doesn't like she's guilty of too much activity in her life. She says she has a rich life, so who is to argue with that?

Most of us are guilty of having so much stuff that it gets in the way of our lives too. The Average American is probably a stage 2 hoarder. haha

Socrates said: "Beware the barrenness of a busy life."

So I beware.

Also: What people say is not always reality. My mom says lots of her stuff is valuable or family heirlooms. This is not true.

[Chicken lady]

I'm not sure that Socrates would agree that sitting on your butt doing absolutely nothing makes your life less barren.

I think if you are keeping "busy" riding around on your bike, attending atheist events and counting items, or shoveling manure, teaching classes, and shelving books to avoid forging real human connections and deal with your own issues and personal growth, then those activities can contribute to "barrenness" in your life.

but if those things contribute to your health and personal growth and enrich your life experience, they make your life full in a good way.

or maybe Socrates was saying, "be careful that you don't waste so much energy on 'doing' that you end up with no stuff!"

On a note related to the original topic of the thread - dh and I went out for sandwiches this weekend and I left the fancy toothpicks on my plate. Also, I borrowed a springform pan so I can figure out if I'm going to want to make this cheesecake again before I go out and buy one.

[Chicken lady]

Ultralite angler, how would you make that decision? At what point is cheesecake worth owning a cheesecake pan? Is it always better to just not have cheesecake in order to avoid the pan?

dh once had a gf who had never had pizza. She wouldn't try it. She said "pizza isn't good for me, so why would I find out if I like it?"

[Ultralight]

The leader of the minimalist group here in ColumbOH often asks about the "decluttering muscle."

When anyone tells her/us at a minimeet about a successful decluttering project she asks: "Does your decluttering muscle feel stronger?"

[Ultralight]

Ultralite angler, how would you make that decision? At what point is cheesecake worth owning a cheesecake pan? Is it always better to just not have cheesecake in order to avoid the pan?

dh once had a gf who had never had pizza. She wouldn't try it. She said "pizza isn't good for me, so why would I find out if I like it?"

I'd like to meet her, maybe she could help me stay clean! My addiction to pizza is challenging! haha
I am almost four weeks clean now though (after a bad relapse in April and May).

You do bring up an interesting question though.