Talking finances with older parents

[iris lilies]

I am reluctant to talk to DS about money. He is the only heir and think he would not work as hard now if he thought he was going to get a wad when we die. We live very frugally so he really is unsure about our situation. I guess I would prefer if he were more motivated to do things on his own. As it is, all may go to a nursing home... who knows?

If you've never had the money talk with your son, it is awkward to do it now, I guess.

But you should still do it, I think. In a void of information he will make up something, even if it's not something he thinks about often.

I like the way my parents handled this issue. I don't even remember the first time they talked about their money and their death, but somewhere in my late teens they started to talk about their plans. They said that our "inheritance" is our educationand we shouldn't expect anything more. And that was fine with me because who at that age thinks about their parents dying?

then, over the years, they pointed out instances where friends or family were handling estates badly, using those events as object lessons.

then, as they got older, they were very clear to point out that money goes quickly if one of them goes to a nursing home. My grandmother was in a nursing home for a few years.

Then, near the end of her life and before dementia set in, my mother set up an appointment with her financial guy and me and my brother so that we could know about her assets. They weren't huge, a few hundred thousand dollars.

And near the end of her life she spent freely and then lived in a nursing home for a few years, so about half of assets were gone upon her death. The remaining assets were ours because our names were on the financial instruments as owners.

we didn't expect anything, but ended up with a nice little amount. It was a windfall, not something we expected for most of those years.

the point here is that sharing your financial philosophy and plan is good. Open communication about Finances is a good thing.